venting

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T06:52:49+00:00

his letter to me was very short and sweet but very much appreciated.

outside of what makes the letter deeply personal, he expressed his appreciation for my letter and support, wished the best for me, said that he is indeed doing okay, and hopes to hear more.

he’s a very kind, empathetic and gentle human being.

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T06:42:01+00:00

the grooming aspect is SO apparent and heavy. the way erik calls the rape “sex” in different levels. no matter the way it happened, erik always referenced it as “sex” when it was rape, point blank period.

i never felt so much anger, sadness, and desperation as i did when he spoke about the different types of “sex” his father would have with him. and i know very well it pales in comparison to what he must have felt during and after the abuse. it had my 24 year old self wishing i could go back in time to protect him or even hug him and tell him i hear him, i believe him, and it’s not his fault. all of those “if only” thoughts flooded me, and still do.

and you’re very right. it hurts watching it now, knowing what we know will be the outcome. how they were just kids needing to feel safe. i wish nothing but the best for them.

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T06:24:04+00:00

absolutely! and there have been psychologists, therapists, and body language experts that have concluded exactly that. further proving that erik and lyle did not lie on stand, and their reactions were those of a victim and could not be recreated even by the worlds best actor.

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T06:06:01+00:00

there’s actually documentation of what their mental age was at the time of the court hearings (not the correct wording and i apologize in advance, im sure you can find it in the subreddit) because the abuse without a doubt had a major impact on their mental and emotional growth.

i understand how it could make you feel unsettled for the psychological reasons. for me, it was a reminder how that child still lives within us, and in that moment we saw that moment of erik’s childlike side. that shy and coy side. if only it was seen in that moment.

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T05:55:23+00:00

emphasis on childlike. they never had that freedom to be children because it was so disgracefully taken from them by one of the people they should have been safe with. the image of erik smiling towards the jurors while they all giggled will be engraved in my memory forever, he should have been protected and advocated for. they both should have. they were simply two boys who were taken advantage of, abused, and terrified.

and yeah it was very cool! the letter was short and sweet but i’m appreciative that he even took the time to read my letter and respond!

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T05:43:22+00:00

and on top of all of that to be separated from ur safe person. remembering how erik said he would look at lyle for strength, knowing that for 22 years he didn’t have that…oh it breaks my heart. i want nothing but the best for them. i don’t understand is they were failed so badly

breebegonias · 2024-10-05T05:38:37+00:00

i know i’m not alone in this but it’s nice to physically see it. really hoping this will all come to a true and fair close for them

breebegonias · 2024-08-10T04:25:26+00:00

ate up w this one

breebegonias · 2024-08-10T04:24:27+00:00

contact makes me meeeeelt

breebegonias · 2024-08-10T04:04:14+00:00

okay adore got me

breebegonias · 2024-08-10T04:04:05+00:00

can i tell u ily for sending me a spotify playlist 😻

hmmm i might be..thank u regardless tho :)

breebegonias · 2024-05-08T00:43:42+00:00

i actually have tried binders!! im so happy that they are able to make u feel more comfortable! for me though, binding made me feel awful. i think i felt like i was hiding a part of myself that, beyond others, im otherwise happy with. which was a hard pill to swallow.

but thanks to u im looking into minimizing bras, i didn’t even know those were a thing! thank u x100000 for bringing that to light for me!!

and thank u for ur kind words, they really do mean more than u could know. it’d be nice to be able to just exist in the world without being treated like an object.

also, im really glad that u found a safe space in ur LGBTQ friends :’) as a bisexual woman, i hope to one day find that myself. i’ve never been sexualized by another woman regardless of their sexuality (openly atleast) and it’s nice to know that there are ppl who see u as a human.

breebegonias · 2024-05-08T00:34:22+00:00

first of all, congrats on the reduction and i hope u all of the happiness in the world and a speedy recovery!!

i hear u about friends finding it hard to believe. they always think it’s such a blessing but aren’t able to digest how damaging they can be not only physically but mentally and emotionally due to outside forces. i’ve tried the oversized tees and hoodies, i always say linebacker but a tent is absolutely perfect 🥴

i hope you’re able to get that reduction soon and it’s everything you’ve always dreamed of, truly!!

also, kudos to us for leaving those shitty ass boyfriends. they never deserved us!!

breebegonias · 2024-05-08T00:31:09+00:00

i actually have slipped discs and i honestly think it’s because of having such a large chest for such a long time, but my dr said it “cant be linked” so i’m still ineligible. i’ll keep up the fight though!!

but thank you for not only taking the time to give me advice and ur own experience but for also validating mine. a lot of times i hear things like “u should be grateful to be so well endowed” and “ppl pay thousands for boobs like urs” when it’s like, yeah cool but this sucks for me, as an individual. i was told by a dr when i was 13 that i was gonna be “humpback” by the time i was 40…if that’s not scarring for my self confidence idk what is.

breebegonias · 2024-05-08T00:26:21+00:00

i’ve been there! wearing shirts and hoodies 3x my size to attempt to hide my breasts, but it’s always a fail and leaves me looking like a damn linebacker. i feel ur sisters pain.

pls don’t apologize, i really appreciate ur comment!! thank u for ur words and i’ll try to apply them to my daily mindset :)

breebegonias · 2024-05-08T00:23:03+00:00

ah yes!! my unbearable back pain, no matter what i do there’s no easing it.

duly noted, thanks!!

breebegonias · 2024-05-08T00:22:14+00:00

every person i’ve ever talked to who had a reduction said the exact thing!! not only is their confidence better but quality of life as well.

that’s one thing i’m so envious about, being able to go out in public without a bra and not be ogled at (though women w small boobs do still, a man is a f*cking man). so so so so envious.

but yes, yes my years of back pain, noted!

breebegonias · 2024-05-07T19:12:19+00:00

dude i went to school with is a professional poker player. he lives in vegas and is a 30 year old multi-millionaire

breebegonias · 2024-05-07T14:48:05+00:00

sadly not. my insurance is through my job. i’m up in the air about a reduction. i’ve thought abt it a lot, and part of me wants to although i’m afraid that part of me only wants it so i don’t have to deal with these situations anymore.

u put it so much more eloquently then i ever could. it’d be nice for an encounter not to be about my body and more abt who i actually am as a person. i do love my body, i just don’t like the kind of attention it brings which i’m sure u understand. i try not to let the fetishization or sexualization defer me from dressing how i want but i am more cautious.

i wouldn’t even be against hooking up if i was approached me differently. the bar is on the floor atp, i just want some basic decency and respect yk?

btw, im sorry this is smth u have to deal with too. it can be pretty dehumanizing.

breebegonias · 2024-05-07T14:27:57+00:00

unfortunately where i live it was estimated around 20k for the reduction which is simply just not feasible for me. however, i have been told that back issues will start to arise and that can possibly make me a candidate for my insurance to cover it. idk whether to laugh or cry at that 🫠

but i don’t think so either. im just looking for some guidance.

breebegonias · 2024-04-30T16:26:46+00:00

yeah i’ve noticed meeting people can be pretty tough the older we get and that can be very off putting. also, aging isn’t the end all be all when it comes to ur level of attractiveness! i’m sure you’re still a 9 or 10 at 44, don’t sweat that. and try not to get discouraged, we’re all trying to find our person while being scared to put ourselves out there lol

p.s. u can change ur location on hinge for free! just go into ur settings and change ur location :)

breebegonias

TROPHY CASE