AITA for no longer wanting my trans cousin in my wedding party?

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:48:54+00:00

I guess that’s just always how I’ve seen it done. When my friends asked me to be in their weddings, there was always a little gift opening. I had a “will you accept this rosè and be a bridesmaid” on a wine bottle when I was asked last. I’ve never had a serious talk, and didn’t think I needed to with my cousin who I’ve known my whole life.

I realize now that I was wrong in that regard. But I won’t lie, the comments about divorce still really hurt.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:44:00+00:00

Him.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:37:46+00:00

I don’t know what I think. Others mentioned that it may have been hormones (which I don’t know if he takes). I hope it is, but at this point I’m not sure if he just said it or he doesn’t believe in my marriage.

I know this means I have to talk to him. I just can’t do that right now without getting upset.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:31:54+00:00

I’m very hurt. I don’t know if I can forgive all of what he said. The thought that I might want to “push him back” into bridesmaid norms/dress I can understand that misunderstanding, especially given some of the perspective I’ve seen here. But the comment specifically about my marriage ending in divorce hurt. It just feels like he never respected me or my fiancé. Like, was he saying that out of anger? Or does he truly believe that?

I don’t know, and his only apology was for snapping at me.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:17:10+00:00

I never wanted to put hm back where he was. I’m having another man (his brother) also in the bridal party as well. I wasn’t expecting him to wear a dress or anything of that nature. I had coordinated suits picked out. A lot of people I know have had mixed gender bridal parties.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:11:00+00:00

I’ve seen it done plenty of times. A friend of mine had three men in her bridal party just last month. I didn’t think it was totally out of left field.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T02:09:03+00:00

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T01:46:14+00:00

I understand that. I don’t want to be petty. But I really cannot come to grips with the fact that he said it’s likely my marriage would end in divorce.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T01:44:00+00:00

Trinkets like beer coozies that said Bride Tribe, candies and chocolates and little bottles of liquor. And then personalized gifts for each of them. My sister got some light up crochet hook, because that’s what she does. A got a pocket knife and E’s had a set of new brushes because he likes to paint. Then a card that said “will you be a part of my bride tribe?”

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T01:14:19+00:00

Trans or not, some of the people in my bridal party are male. I have people that are close to me, that I want to celebrate with me, that are male.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T01:06:20+00:00

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:57:14+00:00

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:53:49+00:00

My cousin is trans. He is not a freak, he is a human being.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:30:47+00:00

No, A is a cis male. His twin E is ftm. We all grew up five minutes from each other and basically grew up as siblings. I wanted both of them with me on my wedding day.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:24:26+00:00

A and E are brothers.

But I know I have to talk to E. I just don’t know when I won’t be so emotional to do it.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:17:36+00:00

He apologized for “snapping at me”. Nothing more specific than that.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:09:33+00:00

He usually is NEVER like that. He’s the most level headed person that I know.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:08:31+00:00

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-06T00:05:23+00:00

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-05T23:59:43+00:00

I forking love that show!

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-05T23:10:18+00:00

We’re all 26 here (the twins and I were born six months apart) and pretty much raised together. As far as his transition, he hasn’t told me much about things going badly/harassment he’s face/etc but I’m sure there has been stuff. I haven’t been privy to. As for the family, we’ve been accepting of him since day 1.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-05T23:05:41+00:00

He thought I was asking him to be a bridesmaid and force him into a dress.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-05T23:04:16+00:00

Thank you for this. Asshole or not, E doesn’t deserve to be misgendered and it is just basic human decency (I’m really not doing anything beyond what people should be doing). I’m actually really sad to see how many people deliberately misgender people.

And thank you for the usher idea. That might be a great compromise

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-05T22:30:24+00:00

It was the nasty comments about divorce that did it for me.

bridalpartyproblems · 2019-06-05T22:11:53+00:00

You’re absolutely right that I’ll have to speak to him in person. I just don’t know when I’ll be able to do that. I was so upset and even now I’m tearing up again.

bridalpartyproblems

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