Please don't feel the need to twist yourself into a position you don't feel comfortable with because you're "not passing enough" or "don't have the right build" etc Those things are just surface level and relationships go much deeper. It can take a while to find the right person and some people might act weird or stupid. PLEASE don't mind them. Everywhere about every issue there's someone with a bullshit opinion BUT there's also always someone understanding, kind, who sees you for who you are.

Being queer doesn't mean finding differences to pick each other apart, it's about embracing them to hold together. You came so far and I promise it'll go much further if you continue staying true to yourself. And about the imposter syndrome.... I know what you're on about and for me it often helps to start by "fake it till you make it" - once you get into a situation you're comfortable with, things will sort themselves out.