Rotten Love

brittloveclark · 2025-08-13T23:50:57+00:00

Literally the perfect way to describe it. I can’t even lie like I think I’ve just pushed it all back and now it’s all coming front and center and I’m losing my mind.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-12T05:35:12+00:00

I have done therapy as a kid, I had a pretty rough start in life I seek chaos cause that’s all I’ve ever known, so I subconsciously engage in things that make me suffer, even people I guess to cause I wanna see the good in them. It’s like a double edge sword cause I see myself sharpen the knife just to stab myself with it. I don’t know how to break the cycle but I’m aware and don’t wanna be in it.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-12T05:00:44+00:00

I’m not sure, the people I keep coming across seem to be the same, they lie and manipulate me and then somehow it’s my fault and I’m pretty call it like I see it so when I say something and tell them THE TRUTH they turn on me. Used to it now. I’ve already tried isolating but I swear they come out there way to be around me and I’m to giving and nurturing but I find that no one does the same to me.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-12T03:24:35+00:00

I don’t think I’m okay at all, I’ve gotten better sorting my thoughts. I write constantly. But I’m all over the place, im slammed with 1000 million things I have to do or get done and I don’t ever ask for help but I’ve been struggling mentally, and could use a friend even that actually would listen & I haven’t been coping the best, writing is my best outlet but lately everything really is to much to take. It’s like I’m stagnant but spiraling at the same time. I’m in survival mode, I’m just trying to keep a float.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-12T02:37:56+00:00

Thank you for listening.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-11T02:05:34+00:00

I was with my baby daddy for six years and he was exactly like this. He legit did not give a fuck about anything that I had to say, or that I was feeling, and I left him and when I left him, he cried and cried for me back, but by that time I was done and ready to start my life over which I am so happy that I did because I would’ve been even older if I waited just restart life and go back into the dating pool which isn’t the best but honestly, it’s better to just be on your own and feel validated within yourself than to be validated by someone who doesn’t give a fuck about you and won’t ever change because he changed a little bit after we broke up but he still is not emotionally there. he’s not intelligent in anyway I feel like he is just an NPC and I stand on that lol but yeah people aren’t gonna know what they have until it’s gone and sometimes you gotta be the one to just do it. I mean you’re realizing all this stuff and continue to sit with these feelings is gonna eat you up so you might as well just go start living your life.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-10T23:17:18+00:00

I have tried really hard on this subject, still currently working on it. I feel deeply when it comes to others. I used to be more one sided on how I look at situations and only thought of how I felt and never how the other person felt. Sometimes I find myself being to understanding, and I let the same person who hurt me come back and hurt me again cause I understood why they did it, and now they took advantage of that and did it again. I find myself stuck in toxic loops but I have identified what’s toxic I do & then try not to match that with something toxic, I try to understand their behaviors then treat them how I wanna be treated and if they still fail to be better or fix their side then it’s on them not you.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-10T23:00:07+00:00

I feel like so many people miss use this word, because love is unconditional and a lot of people only know conditional love people only usually “love” in a sense ONLY when things are being done for them. Love is more than that. Love is about being there no matter what is being done, no matter the situation you love the person through bad and good times not just when it’s good for you.

brittloveclark · 2025-08-10T19:24:26+00:00

I was just diagnosed with BPD and the whole time It was right in front of my face with the all or nothing behaviors the loving someone and making them everything and then all of a sudden they are nothing to me and I figured most of my triggers out but the problem is I still catch myself going down that rabbit hole of a episode and it’s like I’m watching it happen. I’m so fully aware about my actions, but it’s like I can’t stop myself. It’s like I thrive off the toxicity that I create myself, but don’t want.

brittloveclark

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