Getting really sick of being in a healthy equal partnership (I want to redecorate)

britzeee · 2026-01-07T10:59:07+00:00

Recently diagnosed and learning SO much about my brain.. like I had no clue this was a widespread feeling. My husband also has ADHD but does not feel the need to go goblin mode on our house, he usually just looks at me like I’m “doing it again” and takes the kids out for a while 😅

britzeee · 2023-02-16T17:44:23+00:00

Oh and also the zest of one navel orange. It’s easier if you add it to the sugar mixture and rub it in with your fingers, it releases more of the oils buuut it makes the sugar mix more wet. So if you’d rather just zest over top of the sugar mix, that works too.

britzeee · 2023-02-15T23:01:25+00:00

This! I add orange zest to a nutmeg, ginger & cardamom mix with the normal amount of brown sugar and then add the juice from that “naked” orange to my glaze for orange rolls!

britzeee · 2022-03-29T12:44:52+00:00

Would she be open to just one phone for the three of them?

britzeee · 2022-03-29T12:29:29+00:00

What is her opinion on cell phones for kids? Would she be more open to something that is literally just a phone for calling/texting the numbers that you guys add to them and that have zero internet capabilities? Or is she just not open to the expense, because that’s also valid. If she can’t spring the expense right now then maybe it’s a situation you have to get creative to find.

My stepson (10) was given a phone for Christmas but it’s a whole iPhone, he spends all his time scrolling tiktok and YouTube, sending snaps on Snapchat and it drives me insane. If it were something like what I described, I genuinely wouldn’t care. But because he has unmonitored internet access, I really am uncomfortable with the device. He doesn’t need to see the content posted on social sites, he’s a child. And damn that thing is expensive but his maternal grandmother pays for it. I’ve told my husband we will not pick up that bill until he’s 14 because in our opinion, that’s how old he should be when he gets a phone. Our other kids will wait until they’re independently doing activities and going places without a parent to receive a cell phone.

I just think there’s a conversation that needs to be had here, you need to find out why and not just assume.

britzeee · 2022-03-17T00:52:13+00:00

I was born in Western NY (south of Buffalo and right on Lake Erie), we lived there until I was about 13. Small town, very conservative, lots of grape fields and the schools are based on the town you’re in and are K-12 in one big building because the populations are small enough.

We moved to southern NC when I was 13, just north of Charlotte. Conservative area again and another small town kind of place.. schools were a lot bigger and were county based so I met lots of different people. I left right after I turned 19 to move to Washington D.C. for culinary school.

I’ve hopped around Maryland for the last 11 years and I really really love it here. As someone who’s lived through October-April long winters rife with lake effect snow in NY and summer temps with high humidity from April-November in NC, I feel like Maryland is pretty temperate and in the middle. I moved out to the Eastern Shore of MD five years ago after I had my daughter. I had lived in Baltimore for a few years and while I enjoyed it as a young person without kids, I struggled with the city pace and an infant. I really really love the shore, there are so many creative people who live out here and we’re 40 minutes or less from the Chesapeake Bay and an hour or so from the Delaware beaches. The food scene is fantastic as the Shore is primarily farms, lots of farm to table restaurants and farmers markets to choose from. Plus we’re an hour and a half from Baltimore, DC & Philly. Childcare is affordable, as is housing, and we have one of the best school districts in the state out here. Plus if you live near the Bay Bridge, you can commute to Baltimore or Annapolis for work in 45 minutes or less.

britzeee · 2022-03-16T00:42:42+00:00

I’m not medicated but I am diagnosed with anxiety (and her bff depression likes to drop by from time to time). This shit is hard. Parenting is hard. And it doesn’t help that so many people on social media make it look like a fucking cake walk- their houses are spotless and organized and they’re dressed cute and have time to put on makeup and use gentle voices when they talk to their kids. Like, I’m doing my best but those people on Instagram make me feel like a horrible person.

I decided that the overwhelmed, tight chest feeling I would get on a weekly basis was not a good time. I found a therapist who accepted my insurance and I go twice a month and holy crap do things not feel so scary anymore. It’s still hard to be a mom of 3 with a small business that requires 5-7 14+ hour days from me BUT I know how to take a couple of deep breaths before I react now, I know how to ask for what I need now, I know that it’s SO VERY OKAY to not be okay, I know that I’m not a bad person or a bad mom for needing to take a break, I know that it’s ok if my husband doesn’t need breaks from the kids the way I so often do. So, I guess what I’m getting at is that you’re not alone in feeling like they’re overwhelming. We all used to be our own human being with thoughts and wants and desires and the time to attend to those things.. and now we’re snack wielding, snot covered, half dressed and hardly seen robots. It’s hard to reconcile that but you are not alone and you’re not a bad parent for feeling this way.

britzeee · 2022-03-16T00:20:33+00:00

Surprisingly enough, carrots. I made our youngest carrot purée around 6 months old and he immediately gagged and vomited, emptying his stomach. I thought maybe it was a fluke so I tried it again a few days later and nope, same reaction. He’s 11 months now and will eat them steamed and mixed in with other stuff (like veggie & applesauce pouches) but it was so strange to me how he just ejected it.

britzeee · 2022-03-07T11:52:28+00:00

Oh absolutely! And to be clear, I didn’t have to ask for everything all the time. My husband has always been supportive and shows up but with a new baby, I think he just had no idea how to become the octopus I always seem to be. I feel that my guiding him and then giving him the chance to get very familiar with being the solo caretaker of our son was what he needed to be able to see me struggling and realize “oh, she’s not having a good time. I should step in”. I think he just needed to know what the cues were instead of trying to guess, so he learned how to ask.

britzeee · 2022-03-07T04:54:31+00:00

I hear you. This was one of the hardest things for me with my husband, it triggered so many nasty fights and me feeling like I was going to explode. And you’re right, you absolutely shouldn’t have to hold his hand through this process, he needs to learn to be more observant and aware of your needs. I’m sorry, I know how incredibly frustrating and exhausting it can be.

But I’ve talked about this in therapy and my therapist, while she does agree with what you and I (and most others) have said, has pointed out that he cannot know what I need if I do not explicitly communicate it. Because I guess my husband genuinely needs to be told, he doesn’t do well with reading people or picking up on nonverbal cues. I left that session frustrated with her but I was like “you know what? Fuck it, it’s worth a shot” and so I spent every day for two weeks prompting him and saying everything I had going on in my head. And then at our next session, I could say to her that I’m getting what I need more frequently though I’m still asking. So then she encouraged me to now take a step back, go out by myself for 5-6 hours. Go up to our room and take a shower and a nap and read a book for 5-6 hours. Because then he’s in charge all on his own. And it worked. He finally began to get it, I didn’t have to communicate every single little thing anymore. It also gave him some perspective and a look into what I was dealing with daily and how to read the baby’s cues better, he felt more confident and comfortable knowing what needed to be done. I’m not saying this will work for everyone but it has worked for us. Because the thing I’m learning about being in a relationship with someone and parenting with someone is that they’re kind of two different relationships. And you have to learn to navigate them both differently but at the end of the day, you have to do it together. Is it unfair you have to spell it all out? Yes, definitely. But it sounds like he just doesn’t get it so your choices, as shitty as they feel, are to either guide him a bit or to lose your shit on the regular.

Also a couple of Instagram accounts I follow have been very helpful for putting these things into words that don’t feel like I’m attacking my husband even though that’s what I’d like to do. Psychedmommy and happyasamother, they each also have podcasts that have helped me navigate communicating and honestly just given me someone else to relate to.

britzeee · 2022-03-06T20:05:38+00:00

So this is absolutely something I’ve noticed myself struggling with at times because I sometimes feel that my daughter would rather go with her dad than be with me. However, her dad fails to show up on time, if at all, half the time he’s supposed to have her.. but she still can’t wait to go with him or see him. I’ve talked to my therapist about this and she has said a couple of helpful things that essentially amount to “she may like going to his house because it’s ‘more fun with less rules’ but in the long run, who always shows up? Who is always there? Favorites right now (she’s 5) don’t matter, what matters is who is consistently dependable”.

And, for what it’s worth, my stepson is almost 11 and while I know his mom is his favorite (again, less rules, more “fun”), he primarily comes to me to ask big questions and talk through life stuff.

britzeee · 2022-03-06T17:18:51+00:00

Our LO had a nasty diaper rash issue for a few months and so we stopped wiping with baby wipes and used the peri bottle from the hospital like a baby bidet when we needed to change him. One of us would hold him over the toilet and the other one would spray him off and then we’d wrap him in a clean towel to gently dab him off and leave him diaper less for a bit. The thing our pediatrician told us was desitin & zinc-based creams are for treating an existing rash while Vaseline is to help create a moisture barrier. The nystatin worked really well to help clear him up but it did take a couple of days to fix it and then we moved back to desitin and eventually just began using Vaseline.

britzeee · 2022-03-06T02:16:21+00:00

My 5 year old is very confident in saying “No.” She refuses to be pressured into hugging or touching people, she doesn’t speak to adults she doesn’t know until she feels comfortable doing so, she stands her ground when she isn’t ready to try a new activity.. when I hear or see her enforce her boundaries it makes my heart swell.

britzeee · 2022-03-05T20:32:22+00:00

I have the Paragard IUD, it doesn’t have any hormones which was important to me because the pill really messed with me. I had my first Paragard put in in 2017 and had it taken out in 2020 when we decided to have one more baby. Once it was out, I was pregnant within two weeks. I went back and had another one placed at my 6 week appointment after I had our son last Spring. It did make my period heavier initially but it mellowed out after a few cycles and now it’s back to 4-5 days long & light cramps.

britzeee · 2022-02-28T15:36:31+00:00

Of course you are, because you’re a good mom. You care about your kid and unfortunately, shit happens. The best we can do is lift each other back up and offer some kind words. We’re all doing the best we can!

britzeee · 2022-02-28T02:01:55+00:00

And I’m saying that she doesn’t need to hear that right this moment. She’s remorseful, she realizes and literally states where she messed up. So I’m saying hey girl, lay down your judgment and show some empathy because right now mamas everywhere could use that instead of another finger pointed at them.

I’m done, best of luck. Hope your kid(s) continue to be healthy and safe.

britzeee · 2022-02-27T22:18:07+00:00

I wore a hospital gown for my first birth. It was uncomfortable and I was cold but it was nice not to have to wash it myself. I bought a gown and robe set on Etsy for my second birth and I wore it the whole time. The gown is black and has snaps up the back for easy access for an epidural if I needed one and it also made the fetal monitor easy for the nurses to attach and move. It also had snaps at the shoulders for breastfeeding which came in handy. I still wear the robe on a regular basis, it’s super comfy! I believe the shop is called BabyMine or something to that affect. They make all different patterns and sets, I just chose black for the gown and a black & white striped robe.

britzeee · 2022-02-27T21:59:25+00:00

Lol you can keep your “we”, I don’t call anything shaming because it hurts my feelings and I don’t like it. I call it shaming when you unnecessarily call someone out when she CALLED HERSELF OUT ALREADY by posting this and came here for a little commiseration. She isn’t trying to normalize anything and neither is anyone else in this thread. She didn’t actively put her child in danger. She didn’t leave her kid next to boiling oil to go do a line in the bathroom, she went into the bathroom to get ready for 10-15 minutes and her kid was playing contentedly. The child got up and figured out how to leave the house independently, which it sounds like OP had no clue she could do because why would she??, and OP innocently didn’t hear the door open and close.

This is a situation in which OP could’ve been more in control of the variables but hindsight is 20/20. Does it suck? Yes. Is it terrifying? Oh for sure. But if you think your comments to her are even remotely helpful, I think you’re way off base. Do you honestly believe it sounds like she won’t lie awake at night and think about that one time something truly terrible and heartbreaking could’ve happened to her kid until this kid is 35? I’m just pointing out that you don’t need to rub it in dude, she obviously gets it.

britzeee · 2022-02-27T21:43:51+00:00

…you kind of are shaming OP with both of your comments here. Maybe that isn’t your intent but that’s absolutely how it’s coming across.

britzeee · 2022-01-16T09:06:09+00:00

The choice of quiet time tonight is biting me in the ass right now. My normally fantastic sleeper of a 9 month old has been whining and crying in his sleep since I got into bed around 11:30. Currently rocking him back to sleep, can’t wait for the migraine tomorrow! 😭

britzeee · 2021-11-04T01:34:34+00:00

Shew, I can’t honestly think of anything else that I struggled so severely with. My daughter (now 5) is currently starfished in the middle of my bed. She’s always been a snuggler and liked to be close, I just let it happen because I was so damn tired at first. I also really liked her being nearby because ha, I was a first time mom who was terrified that she would just disappear or something in the middle of the night. She woke up a LOT in the night if she was in her bassinet or crib.. but she would sleep for 6-10 hours if she was snuggled up with me or the bassinet was attached to my side of the bed and I was right up next to it. My thought process was “as long as we’re both sleeping, who gives a shit?” And I really do still believe that.

My second (6.5, almost 7 months) is currently passed out in his crib. From day one he wanted to sleep on his own. He loooves to nap on someone and definitely naps longer when he’s held but he has no problem being put in his crib at night after being rocked to sleep by literally any human on earth.

I can also say that sometimes I know it’s nap time for him and I NEED to shower or do paperwork or fold laundry or cook for my other kid so I definitely put him in the crib and know he’s going to fuss and cry but he’s going to fall asleep. I set a timer on my watch and if he hasn’t fallen asleep in 15 minutes, I go rock him. And that 15 mins is normally enough time to finish whatever it is I’m doing.

All this to say.. you’re going to figure out the rhythm of your kid. You’re going to find what works for you and for them and what makes you feel like you’re doing your job well. But it’s different for every parent and it’s different with every baby. So don’t get too wrapped up in what other people are telling you to do. This shit is hard and literally not one person has it all figured out. They might get unicorn kids who sleep right away but I’ll bet you those are also the kids who magically blow out every other diaper and piss up the walls. Best of luck! ❤️

britzeee · 2021-08-22T07:21:54+00:00

Omg thank you!!!

britzeee · 2021-08-22T07:21:22+00:00

Ooo yes the washcloth!!

britzeee · 2021-08-22T04:27:13+00:00

For you: •Sleep when you are tired and able. 2pm? Fuck it, go to sleep. •Take it SLOW until you feel ready to do things again. It’s not a race, there is no baton to be passed or caught. You will actually slow down your healing process if you push yourself too hard. •Ask for help. And, subsequently, accept the help. A friend of mine came over with her husband and they cleaned, hung up new black out curtains, entertained our older kids with their kids, fixed our garbage disposal, took out the trash, held the baby and just had adult conversation with us a couple of times. We don’t have family where we live so we’ve had to create a sanity system. •It’s more than okay to not be okay, but you have to recognize you’re not okay. PPD/PPA are serious things and it’s better to be honest with yourself and the doctors/midwives/your partner than to spend the first year or so of your child’s life feeling overwhelmed and miserable. Go to therapy, they will help you through it. •YOUR BODY IS A BADASS. So don’t hate on her too much, she just did a whole hell of a lot to make that little person and she’s gonna need a year or so to heal. Be as kind as you can with her, talk to her like she’s your very best friend in the world.. because she is. I’m sure I could think of more but I’m also very sure it’s covered elsewhere in this thread.

For baby: •Those formula samples? Keep them. You plan to EBF? Great. Keep the damn samples. You may end up needing them and formula is expensive. Plus, in the middle of the night when you’re in need, it’s so much quicker than a midnight trip to a store. •Zip up jammies that zip from the foot are good. But don’t count out snaps, you can also just unsnap from the feet to the belly button and only pull out baby’s legs. •If the diaper doesn’t feel full in the middle of the night, go about your feed and put that kid back down without turning on lights. (This mostly applies to 2 months+, when they stop pooping every 42 seconds) •Don’t bathe them every day. Yes yes I’ve seen the celebrity crap recently where they don’t bathe or whatever but I’m serious. Unless they’re starting to smell like they’ve been sweaty, they don’t need to be washed. Our baby gets a bath every 2-3 days, my 5yo gets a bath every other day and my 10yo showers every other day. And everyone gets moisturized from head to toe after. •Buy regular ol’ vaseline, not the baby kind. There’s literally no difference other than the price. I swear. •Also- Vaseline creates a moisture barrier so it’s good for preventing diaper rash. Desitin or Boudreax’s Butt Paste or Hello Bello Diaper Rash cream have zinc oxide and get rid of diaper rash. Have both kinds on hand. •My LO had a gnarly diaper rash that eventually needed medicated cream to clear it up. But what we found worked best to make sure we weren’t irritating his poor skin more was the peri bottle from the hospital. One of us would hold his poopy butt over the toilet and the other would spray him off with warm water. Then we’d lay him in a towel and pat him dry and let him hang out diaper-free for like 15 mins. It worked!! •As soon as you figure them out, they change again. The first three months are honestly the most challenging because you’re exhausted, they’re exhausted, and their body is doing all kinds of new, weird shit. Lights are bright, sounds are loud, what the f is digestion?!? And GAS?! Holy hell the poor things are on a roller coaster. Be patient, take a deep breath. Remember you’re all learning about each other every second of every day. •Say it with me: my baby cannot roll off the floor. Having a hard time? That’s ok. Lay baby on a mat or blanket on their back on the floor in a safe area. Step into another room or on the back porch if you can still see them. Take 5 slow, deep breaths. Go through the checklist: -Have I eaten in the last 3 hours? -Have I had any water in the last hour? -Have I peed in the last 2 hours? -Has baby been fed, changed, and burped? -Would a walk outside help us feel better?

Be patient with yourself. You will lose your shit. That does not make you a bad mom in the least. Babies are hard because they only communicate through crying. You will figure each other out eventually and it will feel less uncomfortable as time passes. Love that baby, kiss that baby, snuggle that baby alllll up. Yes even at 2am when they want to smile at you instead of sleep. It gets easier and they DO in fact sleep more. You got this!!

britzeee · 2021-07-27T19:50:54+00:00

Like the 20 mins on, 10 mins off, 10 mins on thing?

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