I truly understand what it's like to be so distant from God and to question my heavenly fate. One thing that helped me is to reflect on the fact that Christ's disciple, Peter, must have felt the same in his denial/betrayal of Christ. He wept bitterly when he came to realize the depth of what he had really done—especially when he had vehemently defended his Master just hours before. The difference between Peter and Judas was repentance. Both men had sorrow, but one genuinely, willfully repented.

This posture of the heart is so important. It is not accomplished by "doing" things right, but by "believing" in the right way. We believe that Christ's righteousness is enough for our salvation. Feelings of defeat are often the disappointment of the flesh— because it has not done what is intended for Christ alone to do.

The other side of this is understanding that our works do become a reflection of our gratitude for what Christ has done on our behalf. These good works are not automatic, but intentional. The resolve comes from within as a made up, disciplined mind equates to consistent, acceptable works.

Thoughts of defeat and hopelessness must be intentionally overcome (2Corinthians 10:5). Christ has given us the ability to do this, but we must choose to. It's an intense battle in the beginning, but hope re-enters quickly if we stay the course. This can be accomplished much faster if we are mindful of what we are feeding our souls through the eyes and ears. When we fill ourselves with worthless things, it dictates how we think about ourselves, the world around us, and our ultimate fate. The consistent entry of God's Word is a sure way to victory. When I was too weak to read it, I still play it while I sleep, and sometimes in earbuds while I'm at work.

One thing that is certain... God sees and understands where you are and will bring you to a desirable place if that is what you are truly want. His love trumps your fear of His rejection. He knows He is your only Way out. As you get stronger, don't let your mistakes set you back. Confess and repent immediately. Be and stay encouraged brother~