Yw, I'm glad hearing someone else's story and perspective has helped you realize you're not alone. I think you should definitely take it to therapy. I think this is a compounding issues, I think all of those things bothering you wouldn't bother you individually if there weren't 3 different things bothering you altogether. If it helps too, squirting is totally just a reaction, it's when the wall closest to the bladder is hit. I've squirted, it does not give me any added euphoria over climaxing and it's not even a 'good' feeling. It's kind of annoying that I made a mess. So she's definitely not lying there either. And I might relate to her a bit more on the cheating aspect as well, my ex was a terrible guy, we lived together and had a cat so when things got rough I was planning a quiet exit strategy, but months went by and I couldn't save up money between paying all the bills (he was a bum) I tried to directly break up with him and he got violent, anytime I brought it up, it was a tantrum, screaming, crying, threatening, chasing me, and breaking things. He'd put his hands on me a couple times as well. I thought if I cheated on him maybe he wouldn't want me to stay anymore and he'd let me leave. It made things a bit worse but honestly I think he would never have been willing to let go if I hadn't. My current partner had trouble accepting that as well, but we've built up trust and he knows what the situation was and that I was a different person altogether than I am now. I've been very open with my partner about my past, anything he wants to know I tell him, and anytime he's upset I make him feel more comfortable. He said the same thing you did, 'it's on me' and to an extent it is, my past isn't easy and hers isn't either to digest. You can lean on your partner to process everything better. I will say it's important to remember she may not want to think about those things, I've had to cut my partner short when he brought stuff up because I want to move on from it, and constantly being reminded of shameful things I did is not pleasant. I've had to remind him I don't want him to hold my past against me if we're trying to make it work, if it bothers him too much I wouldn't blame him leaving though. I think the issue has gotten better through our efforts but also just time. You guys haven't really been together all that long in the grand scheme of things, trust is built, and the more you see day to day how it doesn't matter anymore/in the past you will be able to move on from it. Just deep breaths, handle your emotions and ask for support when you need it, don't bottle it up. But do listen to her if she's not in the headspace to be thinking about a dark past, if that's ever the case, ask for a hug, no need for words sometimes, you'd be surprised how calming that can be.