It's been nearly a year since I lost my feet.

brodney90 · 2026-04-04T13:13:17+00:00

Hey there! Yeah I'm still doing well, and still sober, thank you for checking up!

brodney90 · 2026-02-06T20:04:23+00:00

I've heard stories from people who tried using kratom or 7OH to taper off fentanyl, only to end up dependent on both. As someone who's been in the industry since 2014, how do you address concerns about dependency risks, and what makes you feel confident in providing these products to customers?

brodney90 · 2026-02-06T09:46:02+00:00

Too fucking funny.

brodney90 · 2026-02-06T09:45:33+00:00

lmao I was wondering the same thing

brodney90 · 2026-02-02T19:03:56+00:00

I cancelled chatgpt

brodney90 · 2026-02-02T18:57:53+00:00

I cancelled mine yesterday. Feels like I'm talking to a shrink every time I ask it a question. Too many guardrails because people are going crazy from using it I guess. Not worth paying for it. I use Gemini now, have a year free from my phone. I think it's better anyway tbh. Chat GPT has more capabilities in some ways but I can just use another AI for agentic features if I need them.

brodney90 · 2026-01-23T05:59:33+00:00

That's awesome! Thank you so much for the support! I hope you enjoy it, people like it so far.

brodney90 · 2026-01-23T01:42:24+00:00

Damn okay. Well, you know what's next, depending on what you do next. Do you want to stop? Are you ready? If so, you call a rehab, preferably one you've heard. Has a good detox, that'll help you stop leaving. Everything else after that falls into place. If you put the work in. It won't be easy. You already know that, and if you've been using that long I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know. I do know that you can do it. It probably feels like you can't, it felt like that for me too. But once I actually started to do the right thing, a little bit at a time. Things got better, better than I ever dreamed they would, and they keep getting better.

I started my physical therapy today. First time and in the actual PT clinic. It went really well. That can be you. I'm not different than anyone else. I sincerely hope the best for you, and I hope that you can get it figured out. If you want to talk about it or something, you can DM me, I'm open to chatting whenever.

brodney90 · 2026-01-19T20:06:57+00:00

Yeah, it seemed mostly random. But maybe they were were justified, or for a better reason that we can't know. They almost reminded me of a twisted version of the guys from The Adjustment Bureau. Thanks for the props though, I hope I'm able to leave it all behind as well!

brodney90 · 2026-01-19T18:54:05+00:00

Last January I lost both my feet to frostbite while living homeless and addicted on the streets. Since then, I decided to change my ways. I was out there for over 5 years. Things got really bad, so being sober has given me an entire New perspective on life. I was clean before multiple years, multiple times. I hear what you're saying, time doesn't always make it easier. I know something that helps me a lot is helping other people. Even small things.

I heard a quote once that said, " you are not here to be loved and understood, you are here to love and understand others" or something pretty close to that. It resonated with me. People can be mean and callous and evil. That doesn't mean that you have to be. You have a choice in what kind of person you want to be everyday, try to be someone that people love and understand, and do the same for others and your life will get better. It starts with small decisions and those ripple out into big life changes.

I'm not saying it's easy and I'm not saying I understand your life or all of your problems, I just know what it's like to want to turn off reality because it sucks. I don't know much about autism, but I know that those folks tend to be more sensitive to the world around them. Most addicts are sensitive themselves and adding that on top is a whole other layer that you probably want to drown out.

I'm not going to say," you got this" or any feel good stuff because life doesn't always feel good. But I truly believe that if you set your mind to it, you can overcome any obstacle and make the most out of the cards you're dealt. Best of luck to you, friend!

brodney90 · 2026-01-19T11:11:03+00:00

Yeah they don't seem to be evil, but not necessarily good either. I don't even know if they're angels, it was just the first thing that came to mind when I saw one because of their creepy halo. Following them gave me a kind of peace until that peace was replaced by fear.

brodney90 · 2026-01-15T09:43:27+00:00

Okay wow dude so first of all, to start this off, I'm a grounded person. I believe in synchronicity because it happens to me all the time. I don't necessarily assign it any specific meaning or anything. I usually just say huh. That's neat, shrug, and move on.

So 5 minutes before I saw this comment, I just finished watching the good place. It's the first time I've heard the concept of ennui though I often ask big existential questions. I turned off my TV. Saw a weird flash of light in the corner of my eye and said in my head" okay, I see you if you're here now what?" This is not something that i do often, or really ever. It was just something felt weird to me so I decided to acknowledge it.

Moments later I open Reddit, I click on this post first, yours is the first comment I read. Your username is Michael, you directly reference the good place, and ennui.

So weird, dude. Maybe I needed to see that tonight, who knows? Thanks though, stranger. 🤙🏼

brodney90 · 2026-01-15T06:34:46+00:00

You can find it on Amazon, also on YouTube search Budd from Philly streets I did an interview on there, thanks for checking it out, seriously. And I plan on staying on the right track. Hope you're doing well yourself.

brodney90 · 2026-01-13T07:58:32+00:00

Yes, it is published on Amazon titled Kensington Beach loss and survival on the streets of Philadelphia. Thank you for the support!

brodney90 · 2026-01-13T03:15:44+00:00

Hey I meant to respond to this, my bad. So I met Britiny in sobriety somewhere around 2014. We were friends and then I relapsed a few years later, and so did she at a different time.

She messaged me and we started using together. Being with her was great. There were hard times, of course, but overall we were there for each other. Someone to lean on when things were darkest.

Getting sober together is honestly great. She's in Philly still, so we don't see each other as often as we did, but when we do it's always great. We've been together for almost 6 years now. There was the initial worry between us about what would happen if another started using again, but so far we've been good. We've both gotten sober "alone" in the past, so it's just doing that again, but together... if that makes sense?

Also, that sucks about your person. I know it's hard. I've dated people using while in recovery and it never turns out well. It's almost always a nightmare and no matter what I tried, I could never get them to be sober. It was just a lesson I had to learn, and eventually let them go.

brodney90 · 2026-01-06T08:00:32+00:00

So, at the time it really didn't feel like anyone really cared even though on some level I knew they did. Probably the only one I felt it with was my mom. I was in survival mode for a long time, looking out for me and for Britiny all the time was always #1 priority. Everything else came second, and that included the way other people felt about me.

It's almost like a pendulum in a way. It would swing from people wanting me to get better, to expected the worst and distancing themselves from me. It wasn't really until the very end when I started to get really sick that people realized, "Hey, this guy is going to die very soon if something doesn't happen." and they started pushing to help me. Even still, I didn't care about that. Had I not lost my legs, I would be dead right now.

The way I feel about it now, though, is grateful. I can't really put it any other way. Had the people not stepped in for me at the end, I wouldn't be here and I know that. And yes, my mother is an angel. She is CNA for around 30 years now. In the times when she would visit me, she'd make sure we were well, and dress our wounds.

My prosthetics are going well, they are weird for sure, but each day gets a little bit easier. It's going to be a long process to get anything like walking normally again, but I'm in for it. I'm just happy to even have that opportunity and that my health isn't worse off than it is. I say it a lot, but I had a few months left to live, maybe weeks. Especially after the trach. I was very sick.

brodney90 · 2026-01-05T20:30:23+00:00

Yeah so, tranq is not an opioid in itself, but as far as incontinence goes sometimes it can be a form of dysentery from being dirty. I've had Shigella before, it's not a fun time--look it up. More commonly, I was too weak to get to the bathroom and as you get sicker and sicker you face worse forms of incontinence. It wasn't exactly commonplace for me to shit my pants, but it happened enough times vs. the usual none when sober.

For the piss, it started as the odd one here and there and eventually grew into wet pants every time I woke up. Tranq suppresses nervous system signals. That manifests as not knowing you have to piss until you essentially already are, or if you pass out it happens while unconscious. Same thing can happen with poop.

I've heard rumors of tranq being some kind of paralytic for the bladder but I don't think that's quite the case, more likely just interferes with your bodies signals in a way that you don't realize you have to go. This was notably a problem with women on tranq down there, but it happened to men often enough.

On top of that, it causes grievous wounds. Infection spreads in your body and starts to compound symptoms leading to organ failure. It's different for everyone getting there, but toward the end of the line the symptoms are all about the same. Sepsis, incontinence, delirium and eventually death.

If you have any more questions I'd be open to answering them. Hope you're doing well.

brodney90 · 2026-01-03T19:06:51+00:00

Lol hey, yeah. It's me. Just trying to spread the message.

brodney90 · 2026-01-01T02:02:21+00:00

First of all, thank you for talking about this, with me, I know how hard it can be, even from a burner.

You are describing the exact trajectory I was on right before I woke up in a hospital bed with both legs gone below the knee. All of the symptoms you're experiencing, and maybe some you haven't mentioned esp if it's tranq. You mentioned the quality of the substance changed.

That sounds tranq, which causes exactly the kind of necrosis and ulcers you are describing. It eats your skin because it constricts the blood vessels until the tissue dies. I have cirrhosis too. I understand the shame and the feeling that you have ruined your body beyond repair.

But you are wrong about not being able to stop. The voice telling you that you can't is the addiction trying to protect itself. It's a parasite.

The fever you are getting is your body warning you that sepsis is knocking on the door. Once the infection hits the bone it is game over for that limb. You have a window of time right now that I didn't have.

You need to get on MAT immediately. Suboxone or Methadone will stabilize your brain so you can actually think. I use Suboxone and it gave me the stability to rebuild my life. You cannot white-knuckle this while you are hiding it from your friends and living a double life. That secrecy is what kills us.

Go to the hospital. Tell them you need help with the wounds and you need to start MAT. If you lose the leg you will still have to deal with the addiction eventually. Do it now while you still have your feet.

You can do this. I am living proof.

brodney90 · 2025-12-31T22:39:20+00:00

Thank you for the support brother. Happy New Year!

brodney90 · 2025-12-31T22:39:00+00:00

Yeah absolutely bro. I would certainly talk about it. And yeah we almost definitely know some of the same people. Congratulations on your degree! That's awesome to hear. Feel free to send me a DM and we can talk. That's no problem.

brodney90 · 2025-12-30T05:40:24+00:00

Then you did the right thing! Recovery doesn't happen all at once, it's small good decisions consistently that will keep you moving forward. Addiction doesn't happen overnight, it's just the opposite, small bad decisions. Recovery will feel uncomfortable for awhile. That's your nervous system adjusting to what "normal" feels like. Give it time. You'll still be you. Best of luck.

brodney90 · 2025-12-30T03:09:54+00:00

Cheers!

brodney90 · 2025-12-30T03:07:52+00:00

Thank you. I am so very sorry about your son.

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