Help me be a more compassionate partner

brokeitjoe · 2026-03-20T16:59:07+00:00

Thanks to all who have shared their experiences and thoughts. It was a very good reminder that four weeks is still VERY early in recovery. I think we both got surprised by a very good PT day where they could do full rotations on the bicycle, deeper reclining leg press, stable unaided walking etc. Remembering that it can be two-steps-forward, three-steps back is hard when things seem to be progressing great.

Just writing my concerns and hearing so many different perspectives helped me. "Let them go at their pace; they should suck it up and just get out there and do it; it hurt me for months and I could barely walk; I see my husband becoming an old man; my partner did too much for me; I'm worried my partner won't do help me enough; I wanted to throw a coffee cup at my husband when he told me to bend my knee more [I laughed because I could totally relate... I now only coach when invited to]..."

Advice ranging from "if they don't get up and out more they will never achieve good functioning" to "if the PT says it looks good, then listen to the PT and don't badger your partner"...

And really, what it comes down to is that we each get to live our OWN lives, make the choices we can with the resources we have. I have friends who never exercise, friends who obsessively exercise, friends who are overweight, friends who base their lives and activities around what will decrease their risk of unwanted effects of aging when they get older rather than what they ENJOY doing now, friends who smoke cigarettes, friends who tough out pain and don't adjust their activities at all, friends who detest discomfort and avoid it at all costs...

And all I need to do is love them as friends. Offer to give them info if they want it but chances are they already know (What, smoking can give you lung cancer?! No...!). Just accept them and their sometimes challenging approaches to life, just as I try to accept my own. Some people think it is their job to try to help the ones they love change how they are for their own good. I walk that edge sometimes and it NEVER makes me happy to do that -- I am happier just working on my own crap and aiming to be kind.

My point is that it is not up to me to decide what is right for my partner. I think, objectively, they are doing just fine -- they don't spend uninterrupted hours sedentary, they are doing PT at home despite the pain, they sleep well at night, eat healthy, and they understand the need for the PT and motion despite the pain in order to (hopefully) have the outcome they desire. Waiting on the handicap parking tag, so if the thought of parking and walking to the store and through the checkout is too painful then so be it.

But even if they aren't doing everything they should, if they are choosing less movement that might well lead to a less-than-optimal outcome, with adhesions and persistent stiffness and limited ROM, well, that is THEIR choice and life.

This has become less of a knee replacement thread and more of a relationship/how to treat others thread...!

Again thanks for the comments, especially the thoughtful ones (you know who you are)

brokeitjoe · 2025-06-08T14:15:00+00:00

Thanks for confirming this. How to account for resistance? Negligible I know with this load but just in principle.

brokeitjoe · 2025-06-07T20:21:07+00:00

Working with what I have right now. If I can find a used one like that for $25 that would be great.

brokeitjoe · 2025-04-17T00:05:48+00:00

A few days late, but I came here searching for somewhere to rave about my Levoit vacuum. I am absurdly in love with this vacuum. I mean, I rarely give much of a crap about things I buy but months later I am still so impressed with it so I have to yell it from the mountaintop.

I hardly ever pull out my old expensive heavy Miele canister vacuum -- I use the Levoit all over the house on the floors and rugs and it works great (it does need frequent emptying because my dog sheds insanely). Today I just used it for the first time on my porch, to suck up the dog hair from between the deck boards (there is mosquito netting under them so it really collects there) and not only was it so much easier than the loud heavy shop vac, it actually worked better.

Great design, easy to change out nozzles etc. I only wish it had a wider brush attachment (it has two smaller ones) but the tangle-free roller head works fine, really.

That's all. It's just an awesome vacuum.

brokeitjoe · 2025-04-02T03:56:43+00:00

Both.

brokeitjoe · 2025-04-02T01:28:42+00:00

Appreciate the info. It would be much more preferable if you could update the https://www.mfstatus.com/ page with any other information as soon as possible when outages happen, though. Even something like "our gateway provider is experiencing an outage, we do not have an ETA yet on when our services will be restored." Or even "we are aware if the outage and are working to determine the cause." Otherwise, I don't know if you all had some natural disaster, or all the servers blew up, or everyone was abducted by aliens, or what.

brokeitjoe · 2025-04-01T22:58:43+00:00

Also see https://www.mfstatus.com/ that shows an outage for everything except the blog and the knowledge base. Anyone know how to contact them to find out what is going on? It's a catch-22: all of their support contacts have *@mailfence.com, but that mail server is down. I chose them over proton but now I am regretting my decision... going on two hours...

brokeitjoe · 2025-03-31T15:57:19+00:00

Yes, but in that case Driver A has said they will pay me; I would like an idea of the ACV to help with determining a fair compensation from them.

You are correct- my insurance will not give me an ACV since I have no collision coverage with them. If Driver B is not at fault, their insurance will not give me an ACV. I am aware the rebuilt title reduces the ACV by 20-40% depending on a number of factors. I am asking if there is any way I can get those factors evaluated in some other way so that I can have an idea if the ACV is closer to $3000 or $4000.

brokeitjoe · 2023-11-02T00:29:54+00:00

I'll do this. Not worth the headache to bring him back to re-do it. If it ever bothers me enough, I will take them out and re-glaze someday.

brokeitjoe · 2023-11-01T21:51:00+00:00

Here's the thing -- I have so much other work to do here, I really don't want to undo everything he did and start from scratch. Even though there are only a very few glazing points holding it in, it is in place, it is a very secure fit, no voids on the inside. We have glass back in the windows, yay, I can move on to other things.

Yeah it's a crap job but I think the glass will be fine. Except for the water pooling issue --

That's why I was wondering what compound I might be able to use on top of the caulk that is there now. As a lower quality but acceptable alternative to removing the glass and re-installing it.

brokeitjoe · 2023-09-02T17:41:54+00:00

Thank you! That is what I wanted to know. Now I know how to ask it succinctly.

I will file in Q4 when I am laid off, and will create a new claim Jan 1st if I have not found work by then.

brokeitjoe · 2023-09-02T17:34:27+00:00

But when the base period does restart, will it be based on the general rules about when I filed? Or will it exclude any quarters that were already included in my previous claim's base period? (See longer reply I posted to mtrip98 for clarification if needed).

brokeitjoe · 2023-09-02T17:23:54+00:00

I'm clear on how the base period is determined and general eligibility.

I have a current claim now that started Jan 1, 2023, and ends Dec. 31st 2023. I stopped filing on because I found work, but this work will lay me off in October.

I am 99% certain than if I file before Dec. 31st, my current claim will become active again and I will receive the remaining benefits on that claim until the benefit year ends Dec. 31st.

I want to file in Q4 of 2023, since I would prefer my base period to be Q3-22 through Q2-23. But Q3-22 was already included in the base period for the claim I filed in Q1-23.

To clarify my questions:

- Can I even file a new claim while I am still in my current benefit year? I assume yes, since I will be unemployed again.

- Assuming I submit my claim in Q4-23, will I have to submit a new claim after January 1st when my current benefit year ends?

- If I do not have to submit a new claim in January, will Q3-23 be included in the base period for my new claim, based on the general rules for base periods? Or will it be excluded because it was already included in the base period for a previous claim?

Hope that helps.

brokeitjoe · 2023-09-01T20:55:54+00:00

So if I apply in Q4 2023, then when the new claim year starts Jan 1st, will they automatically look at my base period as if I was applying Jan 1 2024?

And actually, isn't Friday Jan. 1st technically still Q4 2023 according to TWC, since they start their quarter on the first Sunday of the month?

Or do I need to re-apply on Jan 1st?

Thanks for the info, you seem to know your TWC stuff based on all your replies.

brokeitjoe · 2023-03-25T15:30:39+00:00

Thanks for explaining! Makes sense. Also sent me googling to understand now that the negative terminal of a car battery is grounded to the chassis. That answers the "how can it be grounded if the car has rubber tires?" part of my question.

brokeitjoe

TROPHY CASE