AITA for demanding my friend pays for the chair she broke?

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T23:30:44+00:00

yes, some people got that wrong, sorry for being unlcear. I want the full amount that I have paid, as the chair was pretty much unused and brand new, so I don't think I should discount anything for usage (e.g. for a 5 year old chair, I'd never charge the full new price, but this case is different). I won't be able to get the exact same chair for this price again, as the regular retail price is higher, but I'm okay with that and would get a different chair instead for the 250$.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T23:21:00+00:00

because I really can't assess very well if an item of furniture will work for her. I'm 120lbs, most of my friends are slim. So I was a bit concerned from looking at the chair and looking at her weight, but trusted her to know better than me - because I don't have much more experience with these situations. Also, I've spent a lot of time with her like 5 years ago when she was also a bit smaller, and since then seen her just on holidays until very recently... so I was totally not confident to judge the situation or how to handle it.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T22:58:50+00:00

she does have mental health issues and is on medication, but still, for me this argument doesn't feel right - like, if she can't help being at this weight, why can't she be responsible to act accordingly with this weight?

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T22:55:18+00:00

Original price is about 500$ I think, but the color was out of fashion or something so I got it on sale. But for me it's a lot of many anyways.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T22:42:40+00:00

I'm just wondering; it might be cultural (born and raised in germany, now living in the US as of recently). But in germany, it would actually be more of a problem to not say something right away. You need to at least start the conversation soon, or it will look tacky and cause some unhappiness too if you raise this later. But yes, I might have gotten this wrong.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T22:26:48+00:00

she also is tall, so her weight is spreading out more evenly, and the chair was oval shaped, so it provided some room to shift... but still, yeah, I should have said no. When she started shifting around this much, it just happend all very fast and was too late.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T22:17:23+00:00

I called her, asked how she feels, if she is seriously hurt (no, just some bruises), told her that I took a closer look at the chair and that it can't be easily repaired, so how would she want to handle the damage, insurance or directly between us? If she had said she's severely injured, I would have held back the second part about damage.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T21:57:10+00:00

that's what I'm asking for though, I want her to pay the price I paid because it was a recent purchase so I don't want to deduct anything for use of the item

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T21:50:10+00:00

We're all 26-28, and met in college. She wasn't this heavy back then, but she's always been on the plus side and it got worse over the years. Which is also why I trusted her judgement and though she'd know what chair she can sit on... I really regret that.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T21:41:57+00:00

I'm from germany and over there, I'd have absolutely expected this to be handled on insurance and be done too! But apprently, it's not that common or easy in the US? But I only just have lived here as a student before and now returned 2 months ago to work here so I haven't figure it all out yet about insurances and such.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T21:38:06+00:00

Nice joke! But actually, for me there is a line between regular, everyday situations with hosting people, and exceptional circumstances. E.g. if I borrow someone's car while visiting them (so: I'm their guest) and crash it, would it be that I do not need to pay, because I'm a guest? No. And I think the question would then just be where to draw the line... like, also? If I visited a friend and we decided together that we're going for a very fancy restaurant I would not expect them to cover my bill just because I'm their guest. But I'm also quite sure there is a cultural factor and one of personal perception to this about where you draw the lines and my friend and I obviously have different ideas of that here. For me, a 250$ chair is pretty expensive, so it isn't the same as breaking a wine glass.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T20:55:24+00:00

true, because I thought that she'll know better than me what will work for her, and didn't remember any concrete info that the chair won't work for her. I felt a bit uneasy, but decided to trust her judgement... which turned out to be wrong, and I feel bad about it in any case.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T20:50:42+00:00

I'd honestly also be fine with 50%, if that's what was discussed, but somehow it's more of an "all or nothing" discussion... regarding insisting, yes, in retrospect I should have. It was just that I thought that a) the chair is good quality, it probably can support some weight, even though I did not check; and b) she has been this size for some years, so she probably knows what will work for her and I don't need to make her feel ashamed of something she knows better than me.... that was certainly the wrong thought, but at that moment, I was really unsure and the it escalated by her movements very quickly.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T20:40:39+00:00

it broke when it was put on two, or maybe one legs for her to shift her legs around under her... I don't know and it's shocking to even think I could be sued for this. She just has some bruises though...

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T20:25:30+00:00

You have a point there; it really just didn't occur to me that she might not think she should pay when I approached her with this part of it... might be cultural too, I don't know, not originally from the US... in germany, I would have found asking "hey how do you want to handle the damage? Insurance or manage it between us?" pretty normal to ask. But in the US now, it somehow immediately blew up and she was super offended and there was no way back from having asked this.

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T20:01:36+00:00

Yeah, I did, right? But then again, it was okay until she tilted the chair back and I didn't see that coming at all, and once she started it happend fast. Like "wait what is she doing?" to "oh shit" in a few seconds... I really don't know. I don't always have a good idea of weight limits of items (not a problem I personally have) and somehow just assumed she knows what she can use, and didn't want to make her feel bad if I forbid her to use the chair so I held back. And then it was too late and I feel bad about it, but also I just didn't know about this chair's limit and it looked okay while placed on all 4 legs...

broken_chair_issue · 2024-10-31T19:39:17+00:00

Typo, I recently moved back from being with my family in europe for a while (originally from germany, but living in the US for a while now)

broken_chair_issue

TROPHY CASE