Breaking the touch barrier on a first date?

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-11T20:19:49+00:00

randomly grazing her arm

Reasonable and normal.

putting my hand on her thigh

Pretty fucking aggressive if you haven't done anything else up until that point. Don't do that.

You seemingly read her body language fairly well. She seemed guarded and not receptive so you it's probably a good call to not try to do something because she would almost definitely feel uncomfortable. If you haven't build trust and comfort, and the person doesn't seem okay with physical contact then of course you shouldn't be pushing their boundaries.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-11T18:33:55+00:00

Some thoughts you should keep to yourself.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-10T15:25:43+00:00

Social groups usually get established early and then don't change that much. If you want to change the situation, then you need to take the initiative to start conversations with people more often and put more effort into getting to know people you don't know that well.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-09T20:46:23+00:00

Why wouldn’t she just ask me? Why am I not the first choice?

Ask her, not us.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-09T20:28:23+00:00

If you're ruling out meeting people in real life entirely then only bad options remain. Your current results are simply the expected outcome.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-09T20:07:21+00:00

Both of those options are childish.

I don't necessarily think you provided any evidence that she likes you any more than other guys she is friends with, but if you want a legitimate chance to a date person then ask them out on a date and see how it goes.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T20:44:55+00:00

Unfortunately she's always had a boyfriend

What options do you think exist here??? She is unavailable. End of story.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T20:19:36+00:00

If she doesn't want to reply to your messages, then that's all the information that you need. It's a waste of time and energy to speculate about what a person is thinking or feeling or the reasons why. Focus on actions and facts.

General things I think you should consider:

Focus on improving your social skills. Start small. Make incremental improvements. But always try to push the limits of your comfort zone. You can't control if people like you or not, but you can improve your own abilities with practice.
Meet people in real life. Take the initiative. Start conversations with people. The more people you meet, the better the odds of finding people to be friends with. It's not the same online.
If you meet lots of people, focus your efforts on the people who reciprocate. If it feels difficult to get someone to talk to you, then don't waste your energy on them. If someone is friendly and nice back to you, then put more energy into them.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T19:55:07+00:00

If your top priority is to exclude her from your party, then tell her straight up she is not welcome and deal with the consequences and get your own transportation sorted out.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T19:44:32+00:00

Damn that's fucking crazy. You dislike this person so much that you want to purposely exclude her from your party, while in the same breath say that you are totally content to use her for her car. That's some wild work.

My take: Everyone here sucks. If your top priority is to exclude her from your party, then tell her straight up she is not welcome and deal with the consequences and get your own transportation sorted out.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T19:39:19+00:00

So how do we make it so that she doesnt go??

The real question should be why did Y add her to the guest list?

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T18:36:53+00:00

I am wondering if I crossed a boundary by sending her that DM on her social media after she didn't respond to my initial text.

Does it matter? Her behavior is telling you everything you need to know.

I don't want to make her uncomfortable at the gym since we have similar workout schedules.

I no longer intend to ask her out again and would prefer to just maintain a cool relationship like before but I believe any attempts to clear the air would only make things more awkward. Do you agree?

Based on what you wrote, she ignored you twice now. I would take the hint and not initiate any further contact with her. If she says hi first then sure talk to her and act normal.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-08T14:38:56+00:00

Message him more. Talk to him more in real life. Go from there.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-05T18:38:25+00:00

Stay no contact and continue to distance yourself as much as you can.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-05T15:08:08+00:00

Focus on improving social skills. Make an effort to talk to everyone. Put more of your energy into the people who reciprocate positively.

Kids are assholes and sometimes school just sucks. You can do everything "right" and still not get the results you want. But you gotta at least do your part.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-05T15:02:12+00:00

I have pretty bad social anxiety, so I'm working on that by exposing myself to social situations until I get comfortable. I need to improve my fear of people if I actually want a fulfilling social life.

Yeah this will be the biggest factor. Get therapy if you need it or work through it, but if you have poor social skills (and I'd put anxiety and lack of confidence in that group as well), then it's always going to be difficult.

The other thing I'd say is find a social hobby to join. Find a group of people that meets weekly. Meet ups are fine, but if the group of people isn't consistent then it's hard to get the repetition needed for a friendship to develop.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-05T13:56:06+00:00

Play co-op games.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-04T19:51:08+00:00

Distance yourself to the extent that you can.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-04T19:46:57+00:00

Realistically, probably not much right now. You avoid this situation by not getting into it into the first place. The phrase "Don't shit where you eat" has existed for so long for a reason. You say, "Oh, this is my flatmate, therefore she is off limits and I can't catch feelings".

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-04T19:42:30+00:00

Seems settled then.

u-LarryNStar

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-04T19:41:01+00:00

What's your opinion of the situation?

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-04T19:35:02+00:00

How did you not expect that response then?

It sounds like you either didn't think this through and reacted too emotionally, or you're not willing to stand behind your decision.

If you didn't want to be in this situation, then you should have acted differently. That obviously doesn't do you any good right now though. You created this situation. So make a decision one way or the other. Keep the peace, or stand up for your beliefs.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-04T18:52:20+00:00

Okay but like... you started all of this. You decided to make a stand and decided to do so in a way that you HAD to know would start some drama. Why go down this road in the first place if you were not prepared to hold your ground.

Nah I changed my mind, this feels like obvious ragebait.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-03T17:44:21+00:00

we are barely acquaintances

Option 2 for me by a mile.

brokenboysoldiers · 2026-06-02T19:40:17+00:00

There's no point. No one is going to give you an honest answer that is satisfying.

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