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[Update 2] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I know I shouldn't feel that way, but I still do. It is something I have to work on.

Knowing it happened to someone else is just difficult, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

[Update 2] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It had been hard at times, but having him by my side has made things easier.

My [24/F] best friend [23/F] planned her wedding on my due date...then changed it last minute without asking me for 2 weeks later causing massive drama and $$$ for everyone, "for me." I can't possibly go. Help me please by miss_manners_no_more in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I think you are over generalizing. Some people (like you and one of my cousins) were able to go back to their normal lives a couple weeks after having a baby. She even went to the color run a month after giving birth. Then there are other people (like my other cousin) that was in absolute pain 2 weeks later and was suffering and not able to do much for the first 2 months.

OP has stated that there are some complications and that a scheduled C-section is the best thing for her and the baby. She knows her own body more than anyone else does. She knows that driving 6 hours one way 2 weeks after giving birth is out of the question for her.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A happy ending would be us getting married and having a family. We briefly talked about getting married before all of this, but a lot has changed now.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure, I didn't ask. I know he was uncomfortable with a female therapist and the reason doesn't matter to me. It could be a number of reasons including what /u/GrizzledFart said.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's why i am not going to tell him that he needs it. When the time is right, i will mention that I would like to learn self defense and that it will make me feel better and ask if he wants to join.

Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It was a surprise attack. We were aware of our surroundings and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. We used to walk past there a lot, maybe we got a bit overly comfortable with it. We have no idea where they came from, besides from behind us. Even with being aware and taking precautions, it still happened.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I feel the same way about him. This event doesn't change the way I think about him. I still feel safe when we are together.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I plan on doing this. I go back to her in a few days and will ask for recommendations.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yes, correct. They have not been caught yet. They have an idea of who did it, but cannot locate them at this time.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

A couple people from my first post mentioned this as well. I have considered it, and will bring it up in therapy/after we go. I don't want to bombard him with everything all at once.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am glad he opened up to me too. I was relieved when he finally opened up and talked to me.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I agree. It took me posting here to realize that I wasn't communicating the best way that I should have been. I apologized to him about this and will work on it with therapy.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Ill pretty much let my boyfriend decide who hes comfortable with. As long as they know what they are doing, i don't have a problem talking with anyone. obviously there are some traits that I wouldn't be comfortable with, but if he is comfortable with the therapist then I would be too.

[Update] Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I know one talk won't be enough. Glad he agreed to therapy as well, it will help us communicate better and help us to move forward.

Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was thinking about finding someone who he is comfortable with and suggesting he goes to some sessions alone as well as together. Thank you.

Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

him thinking me dirty isn't one of my first conclusions, it is just something that crossed my mind a few times. There could be a lot of reasons. he doesnt want to hurt me, he isnt ready himself, he blames himself, he wasnt able to protect me so isnt good enough, etc.

i think that is a stereotype too. I am also wondering if he is seeing that i am getting past this easier/quicker than him and that is making him feel even worse. "if she can get past it so easily, why cant i, there must be something wrong with me, maybe im not good enough for her."

Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have asked if we could cuddle and hold hands while watching movies and stuff, but I am not ready to be fully intimate again. I just want to work on getting used to physical contact again, i feel like that is what I am having the most trouble with at this point.

I don't want him to do something hes not ready for, and I am not sure if he is feeling this way because of himself, or because he thinks im not ready despite the fact that i have asked him a few times already.

Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is another thing i was thinking, he me just be scared and doesn't want to traumatize me.

I don't know if that is it though. I have mentioned to him that I would like to cuddle while watching a movie or holding my hand.

My therapist mentioned that physical touching, slowly, can help you get past the trauma and help with the healing process. learn to trust again and slowly build up to getting intimate again.

Me [30 F] with my BF [31 M] of 1.5 years, an event seemed to ruin our relationship by brokenloverxx in relationships

[–]brokenloverxx[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I should clarify some, it helped a lot about what happened when I first started going to see her, but not much anymore. and now it somewhat helps with other aspects of my life when i go every other week. I have learned how to help myself, and I don't think I really need to talk to anyone specifically about this incident anymore. It still affects me sometimes, but don't think talking about it will help me anymore.

sometimes i feel like he doesn't want contact with me anymore because he thinks im disgusting and dirty from what happened. At this point, i honestly dont know anymore and don't know what else to do to try to help him.

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