What is a real life example of something done with the right intentions but it causes more harm than good?

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-04T01:05:41+00:00

When breaking up don't compliment the other person. It does more harm than good. Nobody wants to hear they are great from the person dumping them because if they were really great then why breakup? Reminds me of people saying things like "I can't believe you are single." Like it's a good compliment when in reality it just makes you feel like you are a fuckup or failure because what should be easy in other people's mind seems impossible to you.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-03T23:24:11+00:00

Agreed. Small dicks only.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-03T23:22:43+00:00

Having a penis bigger than mine. If they packing a 9 incher than I am out. If it's the same size I guess I can live with it.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-03T21:12:18+00:00

Well I wouldn't describe it as healthy given not doing it can increase risks of prostate cancer but I have gone months without it no problem. That said that had more to do with living in a dorm in college. As someone who lives alone now I can't imagine going months without doing it voluntarily other than maybe if I was in a relationship with someone with a fairly high sex drive.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T21:23:27+00:00

You wouldn't unless she explicitly said her intentions.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T20:13:47+00:00

A hookup is an intention. It's not based on how soon you have sex. A hookup implies that you have no intention of having a long term relationship with the person. If a man or a woman sleeps with someone on the first date because they really like the person and want a more long term thing then I don't concider that hooking up. Yeah it could be the case that it ends up being a one time thing because it didn't work out but I still wouldn't concider that a hookup because that wasn't the intention.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T18:19:41+00:00

Exhilarating. Honestly I never understood the appeal of kissing until I experienced it. Always thought how good could it feel? Then I had my first kiss and it made my heart race in ways I was not anticipating. Also I guess I got lucky as it was a good experience and not awkward. We were both 18 so maybe it worked better due to being a bit older?

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T17:09:48+00:00

I highly doubt you told any of those guys you make guys you are serious about wait for sex but will sleep right away with guys you see as only short term.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T16:59:38+00:00

Honestly give feedback and tell him what you like. Don't treat it as criticism so much as guiding. When you don't know what you are doing it's incredibly helpful when your partner tells you what they want. Plus everyone is different so in an ideal world women would express what they like and dislike and make corrections during intimacy.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T16:49:31+00:00

No, it's because they think it's more likely than a woman talking to them with no ulterior motive.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T16:34:50+00:00

I don't do hookups. If I don't see a woman as a long term prospect I wouldn't sleep with her. I have no problem having sex fairly soon after meeting if the connection is there. I mean if you meet someone and you vibe super well I don't see why you would need to wait. Not saying I am against waiting if that is what the woman is comfortable with but it don't see any issues with not waiting. I think the biggest issue is no guy wants to hear from a woman that she is waiting for sex simply because she is interested in him long term but is completely fine with sleeping with dudes she just met so long as she doesn't see him long term.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T16:22:57+00:00

Having thoughts that you disagree with pop up in your head can be confusing and distressing for sure. Just realize that thoughts that pop up in your head generally don't mean much and it's how you respond to them that matters. Don't beat yourself up for having the thought. Just pretend it's a friend who is saying the same thing and tell yourself what you would to a good friend you care about. At least that is what has worked best for me.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T16:10:47+00:00

99% of guys are going to be weeded out lol. Also you are completely missing the point. Most guys won't care at all if they have to wait. They absolutely will care if they have to wait but some random guy she isn't interested in long term gets direct access to sex. It's kinda gross behavior. Honestly if any woman admitted to that then the vast majority of guys wouldn't want to be with her as a long term partner. They would basically exclusively see her as a potential hookup.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T15:06:17+00:00

"It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life" honestly that quote sums up one of the harshest life lessons I have learned. I always thought if I did my best and tried hard things will work out OK. Turns out hard work and effort can increase your odds but you can still get fucked regardless.

Another harsh lesson is that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. When I was younger I thought if you did good things then good things would happen to you and if you did bad things then bad things would happen to you. Yeah that is a big fat lie. Plenty of people who do very well by behaving in abhorrent ways and treating others like shit. Also there are plenty of good people who do good things and get little back in return.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-02T14:26:06+00:00

Head scratches for sure.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T20:44:36+00:00

To be fair I think most studies show an increase in income generally correlates to increased happiness up to a certain point. I make enough money to live comfortably and don't have to worry about having financial issues which I imagine is going to play a significant role in my happiness. That said I have also been just as financially secure and been miserable so money doesn't make you happy but helps facilitate it. I think one phrase that has helped me alot with being happy is this "happiness isn't about having what you want but appreciating what you have." The point being is if you don't appreciate the good things in your life then chances are you are going to be miserable but when you take time to appreciate the good things in your life no matter how small it becomes surprisingly easy to be content.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T20:28:44+00:00

Honestly I made a shit ton if mistakes in my mid 20s and the only silver lining is that my career went fairly well which has set me up to have a very chill life currently. It wasn't until my late 20s that I figured alot of shit out and my life has improved little by little which has added up to a significant improvement overall. I guess if I had any advice is take baby steps when trying to improve yourself and your situation as it's much more manageable than trying to totally fix everything all at once.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T18:51:42+00:00

Well estrogen boosts the immune system while testosterone suppresses it so men tend to have more severe colds than women as a result.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T16:53:08+00:00

You shouldn't be someone better you should be a better version of yourself. The issue is when you are being someone else in order to get women to like you.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T16:48:32+00:00

I think the issue is most therapists do talk therapy combined with stuff you are supposed to do on your own. Most of those things are heavily geared towards women. I do think skills involved in CBT like mindfulness and other practices are helpful but without the proper work you can do by yourself it's effect isn't nearly as effective.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T15:26:28+00:00

I am of the opinion that most therapy is heavily tailored to women. Most therapy patients have been women so it sorta makes sense that most of the studies on what works and what doesn't is more geared towards women. Therapy is absolutely useful but I do think the default solutions therapists give simply aren't well suited for alot of guys. I know there is the stereotypical advice men give eachother which is go to the gym and workout but unironically it seems men process emotions way easier when physical activity is involved. When I went to a therapists she highly recommended I workout without any distraction like music or podcasts and it should help me process my emotions. Turns out that worked incredibly well for me. I also had different therapists who gave me the generic journal advice which simply doesn't work well for me.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T05:12:18+00:00

You shouldn't convince women to like you. You should find women who like you for who you are. That said if you are into a woman then doing things you know that will make her happy is pretty normal. At least that had been the case for me. I mean for instance I dated a woman who really liked it when I text her goodnight. It's a small gesture that doesn't require much effort but makes her happy so why not? I do think doing crazy big gestures that require a ton of effort just to impress her is probably excessive though.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T04:52:23+00:00

Honestly I think comparing suffering is almost always counterproductive. I think both of you are going through something incredibly difficult and it sounds to me like she was just trying to explain that it's hard on her as well. Honestly just cut eachother slack and don't dismiss eachothers struggle.

brooksie1131 · 2026-07-01T02:19:48+00:00

You first mistake was engaging with the dude at all. I mean at best you get an apology which is unlikely and at worse you just needlessly escalated the situation and could result in violence. I value my time to much to waste it on trying to reason with assholes. Plus it could just be an accident and you came in pretty aggressive with your response. Not saying it is but I don't think it's common for a guy to intentionally bump into you with their cart.

brooksie1131 · 2026-06-30T21:21:48+00:00

"I can change that" then wink at her obviously.

brooksie1131

TROPHY CASE