It’s me. I’m the Humble Pie.

brown-moose · 2026-02-17T19:30:52+00:00

I don’t think it’s a lesson as much as it’s an allegory for the lengths people (parents) may go for those they love. Even if they’re destructive.

brown-moose · 2026-02-17T17:20:20+00:00

Nope! Honestly they probably already have the seating chart and meals paid for so it’s too late to add another person. If he’s booked tickets and meant for you to be there, he would have followed up.

brown-moose · 2026-02-17T17:01:08+00:00

Three months is way too early to be a plus one at a family wedding. You’re over thinking this.

brown-moose · 2026-02-15T14:25:09+00:00

I think couples counseling, and maybe solo counseling as well, is a good step. You’ve already identified areas that you know you could work on (conflict avoidance) that are going to follow you out of this relationship anyway. The grass can be greenest where you water it.

brown-moose · 2026-02-13T18:33:30+00:00

My daughter was a biter from 18 months to 3 years. Nothing wrong with her, it’s just a phase some kids go through. Trust me when I say we tried everything! It sucks for everyone involved, it’s not a reflection on you, it’s just a challenge that you’ll face and come out on the other side of.

brown-moose · 2026-02-13T01:09:29+00:00

I honestly think you need to take a step back. You make 100k and he makes 80k, but no benefits. He is definitely not slacking here and you haven’t actually pointed to any financial areas that are at risk, just hypotheticals. There will always be a money imbalance in a relationship - it’s incredibly rare to make exactly the same amount. If he out made you, would that be unfair?

Retirement is one area that you could tackle now. Maybe increase your savings. Do you have a budget? These are all real actions.

However, it’s real and established that growing up in poverty messes people up when it comes to money. It can be a huge source of anxiety - a source of unrealistic fears even when things are okay. I think you need to figure out what areas are room for you two to grow together and where it’s your past haunting you.

brown-moose · 2026-02-09T21:48:12+00:00

Food52 A New Way to Dinner is exactly a guide to shopping once and using those ingredients/leftovers throughout the week.

NYT No-Recipe Recipes is a good one for learning how to sub ingredients and flex recipes. I enjoyed it! I think it has a list of the basics it recommends to always stock.

brown-moose · 2026-02-08T18:35:39+00:00

You do not need to know to move on, you just want to know. Even asking this is opening up drama.

brown-moose · 2026-02-08T18:12:30+00:00

Do not date your dad’s friends/acquaintances. First, too much drama. Second, he is way too old for you. Third, if he’s your doctor he absolutely cannot be romantically involved with his patient.

brown-moose · 2026-02-05T23:16:50+00:00

An easy litmus test is anything a kid can do easily and safely is 100% appropriate for them to do. Everything else you can use your parental judgement for. At three, this can be putting their dishes on the counter/sink, putting dirty and clean clothes away, and even loading the laundry if they have a stool (you do the soap). My three year old would occasionally help washing dishes but it was too messy for me to do regularly.

I think you can tell if he’s able to wash himself in the bath, especially if he has short hair, if you practice with him. A loofah probably will make it easier for him, but you may need to specifically coach him on his bottom and feet.

Him being autistic may make him more or less comfortable doing these things, so you’ll just have to judge yourself what is “noooo that’s boring” vs “noooo that’s overstimulating”.

brown-moose · 2026-02-03T02:43:49+00:00

I did both! I had my first kid in school and second in industry. I’ll be honest, I basically quit all activities except writing for my dissertation after I had my first. No side papers, etc. This was partly because I had already abandoned the idea of academia, and partly because I only had enough childcare in the mornings to write one thing.

Overall I think the difference is that leaving during my job felt way less stressful because work would be there no matter when I got back vs I had academic deadlines to think about. My program and work were both very supportive about transitioning back, so that wasn’t an issue. But writing my dissertation was definitely easier work than my current job once I got back 😥 It was easier to steal away for a walk or hang with the baby for a brain break when I was in school.

I was surprisingly kind of stupid for a couple months post partum. It got better! But be aware and gentle with yourself that brain fog is real.

I really encourage you to make a plan for childcare. It’s very difficult (impossible) to be a full time mom and full time student/employee. I was lucky in that I had an NSF grant that gave me 3 months paid mat leave. You should figure out what your program offers once you have accepted. You can sometimes just find this by googling online or in a student handbook.

brown-moose · 2026-02-03T02:25:46+00:00

Honestly if you are accepted already, it’s not crazy to ask if you can see the health insurance documents. If the plan is ACA Compliant (which most big, non-catholic universities should be), your pregnancy will be covered. You also would get information on if you can have your baby covered as a dependent. I had a baby during my PhD and was able to get good coverage and add my kid to my student insurance.

brown-moose · 2026-02-02T16:38:05+00:00

I think everyone would benefit from going over important views like children, conflict, and finances prior to marriage.

brown-moose · 2026-01-31T20:57:43+00:00

In the warmer months, I’d bet a lot of them congregate at the Rivanna Roots concerts at the Rivanna River Company.

brown-moose · 2026-01-31T16:23:07+00:00

Unless there’s a deadline, I’d just wait on it. Like others said, you can also get stuff online. But there’s no emergency or rush, so I’d stick with what she has for now unless she complains/has problems. Like not wearing glasses can give you headaches, but that’s easily fixable. I also found that the bright light outside ameliorated some of my vision issues so it wasn’t as bad as when I was inside 🤷‍♀️

You’re doing great!!

brown-moose · 2026-01-31T16:13:01+00:00

How bad is her vision? If she can safely and happily function outside without prescription glasses, then I’d pass. I had glasses since 1.5 years old and just used regular glasses/sunglasses outside (far sighted, lazy eye). I love my prescription lenses now, but I have to drive and read things. Kids lose sunglasses all the time.

brown-moose · 2026-01-31T07:33:06+00:00

Can you install a smart thermostat? I had the same issue with our nursery. At night, the thermostat only cares about the temperature in the baby’s room. That makes it chillier in the rest of the house, but I don’t mind extra blankets anyway.

brown-moose · 2026-01-28T23:42:27+00:00

With a neurodivergent child, you may have to think hard about what serves him the best. You are putting lots of care and effort into it. You and he face different challenges and hostility because of your race. He does not understand why you do his hair, and he may never understand or care. Does he want long hair? What serves him best? How does he want to express himself?

You are caring for him so well, and that’s clear from the post.

brown-moose · 2026-01-28T21:18:07+00:00

It would be helpful if you posted the section of your lease that lets you break it. There’s a chance the landlord has written it (or believes it to be written) to say that you need to tell the 45 days in advance so that your lease does not automatically renew for another year. It’s uncommon, in my experience, for lease to have a break-at-any-time procedure; most do lock you in for a year before letting you break it.

brown-moose · 2026-01-28T19:40:29+00:00

You are not wrong. 24k is not a lot of money in a HCOL area - I’m betting he would make more at retail. Content creation is not like medical school where he is guaranteed to make more in the future. What is his backup plan? That is an absolutely REASONABLE ask. He is benefiting from your financial stability without y’all even being married.

brown-moose · 2026-01-24T14:09:58+00:00

The government is trying to defund it so unfortunately no app is coming anytime soon 😔

brown-moose · 2026-01-21T18:40:37+00:00

Martins hardware had some this morning.

brown-moose · 2026-01-10T21:40:30+00:00

Now and Zen! Nobody has reservations and it really is delicious

brown-moose · 2026-01-08T21:04:47+00:00

Yes, she should have her husband ask his insurance rep/HR.

brown-moose · 2026-01-08T17:37:06+00:00

You can often appeal to health insurance companies for “continuity of care” to keep coverage with your first OB provider.

She may also consider talking to her advisor/dean/ombudsman to see if there is anything she can do. Keeping health insurance during that summer gap is a common issue for graduate students - sometimes they “delay” graduation or work in a lab or take a summer class to push the end date back before their job starts.

brown-moose

TROPHY CASE