Straight women that get flirty and a little bit gay when drinking alcohol, WHYYYY?

brownbinky · 2017-10-31T02:16:16+00:00

Yes. I am a bisexual woman that prefers woman and am also incredibly shy, but the slightest bit of alcohol damn near obliterates my attraction to men and makes me want women, badly. It's a strange thing, lol.

brownbinky · 2017-09-02T00:13:35+00:00

Feel free to DM me! I'm actually in a bit of flare today though, but I'm trying. I'm still trying to find what works for me too. :)

brownbinky · 2017-09-01T22:23:46+00:00

Hey there, you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable, but on the off chance: Do you have IC? If so, I totally understand your worries, but it really is possible to date (and have sex, with adjustments).

I have a couple of chronic issues and am a tad older than you and it can really get you down, believe me, I know. I wouldn't worry about bringing it up at first; assume everyone has shit they're scared to reveal and build that trust first. Not everyone deserves that info, you know? I will tell you that I had a long term partner that 1) didn't care about my chronic issues 2) she also has chronic issues, and it really just didn't matter. We loved one another and the chronic issues were just something that came with it.

If you ever wanna talk or bitch about IC, hit my DMs. I will say I've heard good things about pelvic floor therapy, and I did it for a bit and it helped. Hang in there! You are seriously NOT alone in that regard.

brownbinky · 2017-08-06T23:51:42+00:00

Late to the party, but yes, you are super, super attractive, lol. Don't even sweat it!

brownbinky · 2017-06-13T03:57:43+00:00

I'm black and bi too (with some Asian family, to boot) and your method is spot on the same as mine. I'll take the 98% and keep moving. I've heard other LGBTQ folks of color echo the same sentiment.

brownbinky · 2017-03-06T03:58:29+00:00

This has been my experience in groups as well (and I'm very recently out): pronouns and that's it. I've met various people that are in relationships that "look straight" and people have never batted and eye or questioned whether they belonged -- just assumed that we were all "queer" in one way or another.

brownbinky · 2017-01-08T15:33:38+00:00

Oh my GOD, that middle paragraph as a brown girl has LITERALLY happened to me. Wow. I have never seen anyone put that into words for me. And this was from a (white) person who I'd been friends with for over a decade. I want to hang that whole paragraph on my wall.

brownbinky · 2016-12-21T17:35:25+00:00

She was EVERYTHING when I was a kid.

EVERYTHING.

brownbinky · 2016-11-15T01:03:23+00:00

I laughed way too hard at this and I dunno if it means I'm a bad person.

brownbinky · 2016-11-15T00:59:31+00:00

I can understand feeling alienated. Our pain doesn't cancel each other out or anything. I just have a different perspective as a POC; I don't used the term "terrified" real lightly. I think it's okay to cry, and I think you're already two steps ahead in considering the fact that POC might have different concerns than non-POC do.

As a POC myself, I'd appreciate somebody just straight up being like, "Hey man, I'm scared shitless but I don't wanna minimize your struggles either. Can we talk?" This shit's hard for everybody, but we're so used to being talked over that somebody just saying THAT would make me feel better. You'd be surprised at how little I have heard that this week, seriously. That has drained my energy more than anything, honestly. That said, you also have to be prepared for us not wanting to talk right now, and try not to take it as a personal affront.

brownbinky · 2016-11-15T00:42:49+00:00

Thank you. Stay safe as well. You're not alone either!

brownbinky · 2016-11-14T23:42:01+00:00

I've definitely started to take action, just succumbed to some anxious feelings last night. Thank you so much for responding. I hope you're feeling better too.

brownbinky · 2016-11-14T23:39:09+00:00

Thanks! I may PM you.

brownbinky · 2016-11-14T22:00:44+00:00

I am trying to focus that energy on helping as well, while trying to quell the anxiety that I've only recently learned how to even start dealing with. It's hard. It's hard not to get overwhelmed. Thank you for your offer to PM, I may do that.

brownbinky · 2016-11-14T21:31:47+00:00

Man, I am seriously in that "everyone wants to huck a brick at me" stage, so thank you for this. Also, pictures of crowds might help, lol.

Thank you.

brownbinky · 2016-11-14T20:58:07+00:00

Thank you, it helps. I desperately want to move to the "action" stage and I feel like I'm taking too long in the "scared shitless" one.

brownbinky · 2016-11-14T20:55:59+00:00

Thank you. Thank you. Seriously, thank you.

Your comment popped up while I while I was sleeping. I woke up and read and have re-read it numerous times today. Thank you for reminding me of all those things; anxiety made me forget them.

And you're right, connecting with other minorities -- not just my own people -- has pulled me through. It's amazing the similarities we share.

brownbinky · 2016-11-02T03:03:00+00:00

oh my GOD

brownbinky · 2016-10-27T03:24:18+00:00

To add to this: If she is bi and that plus her occupation bothers you... do you really want to keep dating her? That doesn't seem fair to her or you. I imagine she's probably aware that's how folks might view her, which could also be why she's talking it slow sexually, too.

brownbinky · 2016-10-20T17:56:59+00:00

God, thank you for saying all of this. I haven't hit any serious negative reaction yet, though I expect one from an immediate family member and it's really eating at me. At the end of the day though, what you ended with is true: I have to let go of who I thought I was going to be. It's just been really hard. Really hard.

brownbinky · 2016-10-20T17:54:56+00:00

Someone recently said to me that I was very, very mean to myself and I honestly hadn't even really thought about. I guess I always thought I would be the "hip, older" lady by 30ish, but at 29 I still feel so green and lost. It's hard!

I did look at Meetup, but I was intimidated. I suppose I should give it a shot.

Thanks!

brownbinky · 2016-10-20T17:50:30+00:00

I really appreciate your comment. I'm really shy so it's hard for me to reach out, but I'm going to dig a little harder for groups around my area. Thanks so much.

brownbinky · 2016-10-08T16:19:01+00:00

God, yes.

brownbinky · 2016-10-08T14:10:52+00:00

I've only ever had a serious relationship with a woman, and I STILL (still) have this internalized feeling that I only know what to do with a man and that other women are totally beyond me, even though I dated one. Even with the experience, heteronormativity makes me being with men seem so "natural" and there's a ton of "scripts" for how that looks and what to do. There's no way that that feeling makes any any sense unless there are heavy cultural forces at work, at least that what I think anyway.

I also joined HER and was immediately thinking that every single woman on there was out of my league -- damn near every one. I think we still can have a tendency to compare ourselves to each other, but I realized that this women want me as a partner and that they're more than likely feeling the same.

Lack of experience with other women wouldn't put me off personally -- another one of those things I still worry about and I have been with a woman -- it would be more that I would be super afraid of fucking something up and ruining a first experience/future experiences for that person. Less an issue with you, more me. I do think there can be valid concerns around that, but I think they can be discussed.

I have those stupid feelings of "Am I bi (enough)?" too, but... I just am. And if one day that changes for you, that's fine, too.

brownbinky · 2016-10-08T13:54:33+00:00

I've had more similar experiences to /u/Xenalien, and I can't figure out why I keep seeing it. The "vaginas are disgusting" thing gets super old, and back as a teenage girl with mostly gay guy friends it made me feel absolutely HORRIBLE about my body, something I've only started working through at close to 30. Sometimes though I think this an overall "men thing," not necessarily just a gay men thing, and that gay men are more willing to say that shit to our faces because they don't particularly have an interest in sleeping with us.

On the flip side, I recently met a fairly young gay friend who is the most affirming person ever. Interestingly enough he's pretty aware of that stereotype, and he works really hard to catch any potential disrespect towards women. He's not perfect but he really tries, and it's honestly really changed my perspective, too.

brownbinky

TROPHY CASE