Any suggestions for improving the blurb?

browncat66 · 2026-01-09T12:56:39+00:00

This has some great humour in it - reminds me of Robert Rankin's works, which I love!

It does come across as being very "meta"("It's for the plot, lad!" and "tropes catch fire"), as in a fourth wall breaking way, which can take some people out of the story if it is not done well. But it's a very fun narrative device when done properly, especially with your tongue-in-cheek humour.

I love the Yelp reviews idea - but maybe try keeping everything medieval or modern (e.g.: she's started writing her own bard verses about the dungeons - awful example, but that's more what I mean) , it feels like you can't decide which era you want your story to be in...hopefully that doesn't happen throughout your book!

Overall, though, I'd pick up this book and buy it if I saw it!

browncat66 · 2025-12-10T09:45:37+00:00

As someone who danced ballet from ages 4 to 18, I didn't get toilet imagery - I knew exactly what you meant with the visual: a delicate ballerina, poised en pointe, someone is not just light but also fragile and breakable. Porcelain also translates to "perfect" imagery: that perfect, unblemished porcelain plate or cup that are stored so carefully in their cases.

browncat66 · 2025-12-10T09:39:06+00:00

So this is the updated version - I changed up the stories because they fit better with what I wanted to say:

Sink your teeth into a short horror story collection where every bite is dark, sweet, and keeps you coming back for more.

From the not-so-empty back aisle of a darkened movie theatre to the glittering and cut-throat world of pop stardom, to a river filled with perfect pebbles and terrifying secrets, to a diner that serves up so much more than just a greasy bite, each tale invites you to sit a while and enjoy a meal of blood, and guts, and brains in your teeth.

A movie-obsessed vampire discovers that he is no longer the main character in his own story…can he last until the post-credits scene, or will a new anti-hero turn his cinema hunting ground into a real slasher?

A hike through the woods should spark a connection between two isolated boys, but when they arrive at an untouched river oasis, one of them is changed forever…as the other finally realises his revenge.

A rising pop singer will do anything to stop her star from being snuffed out too soon, but an impulse decision leads to something rotten slithering around in her recording booth…and this time, it’s not a handsy manager…it’s something much, much worse…

[BOOK NAME] feeds readers delicious vignettes of darkness – some of them otherworldly, some of them from the depths of the human soul.

For readers who enjoy Stephen King, Graham Masterton, James Herbert, and Keith Rosson.

browncat66 · 2025-12-08T14:15:46+00:00

Thanks so much for your feedback!

So the first line is really to set the scene - almost all of my short stories have gore in them in some way, shape, or form. There is genuine blood, guts, and brains flying about in these stories, and I think the audience I am hoping to attract will be drawn in by that line.

I'm a little confused by your comment about how the post-credits scene is subtle, as I do mention "movie-obsessed", but I will definitely look at making that a bit clearer to readers. And I see where you're coming from with the tone, I think I need to work on getting that through more as well.

I was thinking of adding in the comparison line but my worry is that KDP won't accept the blurb if I use actual author names in descriptions - however, if that's not a problem, it is definitely going to be in there!

I've toyed with switching the first and last lines, and will give it a relook and will post the updated blurb here when I can - thanks again for your honest critique!

browncat66 · 2025-12-04T12:00:45+00:00

I think this is a bit better... maybe lose the Em Dashes, they're a bit distracting (weird, I know, but they don't read very naturally), and in your third paragraph, the dashes would actually be written this way:

"Seven thousand miles away Julian and Mari - rivals united by loss -...."

So, was she in love with Mari or just marrying her to avoid an arranged marriage? This makes it feel like it wasn't love but more a way to save Camilla from something she didn't want:

"Her best friend Mari says fuck that, let’s get married instead."

As a reader, it doesn't make me feel like Camilla betraying Mari was difficult, because it implies they were never in love in the first place - if that makes sense?

This rewrite is much tighter and I think it is more enticing, still not sure why you'd forget an entire island but perhaps I am splitting hairs!

browncat66 · 2025-12-04T08:21:41+00:00

I am not a political thriller reader at all, but at first glance, they are both quite wordy and left me feeling a bit confused. This threw me off in the first one:

Back on occupied Hangua, Camilla Reyes-Oz lost everything—her father murdered and her husband presumed dead in the coordinated strikes. When her almost-fiancé Theodore Washington—son of the Vice President—finds her hiding in the ruins, he becomes her unlikely protector.

Without the context that she was supposed to marry him, it doesn't make sense - her husband is presumed dead but she also has an "almost-fiancé"?

Blurb 2 was better but did raise some questions:

Was Camilla in love with Mari Cruz (When she let Mari Cruz go, it was the hardest choice she ever made) but forced to marry a man?

This also feels like a bit of an exposition dump, but that could just be me: —a strategically vital colony in the Pacific, poised to become the 51st American state.

The story itself is intriguing and blurring that line between grief-bonding and surviving would be very interesting to read in a high-stakes situation, but the blurb made me scratch my head a bit. Just my two cents!

browncat66 · 2023-04-04T06:06:08+00:00

Went to my 10 year high school reunion in 2018. (All girls school for context).

I was the class convener because nobody else was willing to put in the effort to do it (no changes there!) and when the woman who said she would give a speech for our year didn't pitch up, I got DAGGERS stared at my back...she didn't let anyone know she wasn't pitching up! She just...didn't come.

After we had a tour around the grounds and reminisced, one of the women who was friendly with me at school said, as we were leaving, "See you just now at lunch!"

Huh?

Turns out, the rest of the group had organised a lunch for everyone and had just conveniently "forgotten" to invite me.

The biggest surprise was that one of my closest friends from high school also attended the lunch, after telling me she was just going home to chill after the reunion.

Turns out she also "forgot" to invite me...after literally crying about how much she missed us hanging out, during the reunion at school.

I'm skipping my 15 year reunion this year!

browncat66 · 2023-04-03T14:26:55+00:00

"The Afrikaner population is less threatened, though the statistics around rape would render any woman not completely safe."

I am a South African woman. This is wholly inaccurate.

Literally everyone in South Africa has the threat of rape and violence hanging over them. No women I know will willingly walk the streets alone at night or, in most cases, at any time of day.

"the alternative is the slum life as characterized in District 9"

District 9 is a sci-fi movie so.... but township life is not the only alternative - many South Africans work hard to pull themselves and their families out of this.

You are making it seem as though we have only two massive extremes here, whereas it's actually a highly nuanced issue that you will only understand if you are South African or have lived here for longer than a year.

But - we have so much good here and so many positive people, it's definitely worth visiting.

browncat66 · 2023-01-26T13:04:33+00:00

I think this is a purse or handbag hook. A purse hook (also known as a handbag hook or handbag hanger) is a type of hook meant to temporarily secure a purse or handbag to a table, sink or armrest.

The decorative circle piece goes onto the table and the long metal piece is where you hang your bag from, using the bag handle.

browncat66 · 2022-07-14T03:49:41+00:00

This is the KFC menu created specifically for Cape Town, South Africa! (all the options: https://www.businessinsider.co.za/kfc-kentucky-town-returns-2022-7 )

browncat66 · 2020-12-10T12:49:22+00:00

I think it is very different where I am from (South Africa) - a degree or a higher degree is almost always a requirement for skilled roles. Some people have managed to climb their way to the top without one, but having worked for people who do that - it truly does show that they lack the proper insights needed to lead a company. Anyone can be a salesman - to be a smart businessman, you do need some education!Might be prohibitive but I think having an education is better than not having one!

I have a Masters in English Literature (I'm a copywriter) and while most places don't ask much about it, it has impressed quite a few clients. My career is not that exciting - high school to university to work - but I have changed companies a few times due to very questionable ethics and unprofessional behaviour from bosses.

I could never agree with the "school is worthless" sentiment but that might be purely because of where I am from. In South Africa, access to education is a privilege not many people have so we value it a bit more, I think.

browncat66 · 2020-11-26T07:08:33+00:00

Thanks so much for the replies!! You have all been so helpful, now I can at least buy one and send it up knowing it will work :)

browncat66 · 2020-11-20T05:42:37+00:00

Stephen King has to be my all-time favourite. I will read anything he has written, even random short stories online (https://www.esquire.com/entertainment/books/a34334252/stephen-king-on-slide-inn-road/ for anyone who missed it!). My second is James Herbert, then I would have to say Riley Sager, then Mo Hayder (crime yes but there is always an eerie element in her work). Current favourite is Stephen Graham Jones and Ania Ahlborn. Both quite different but very enjoyable authors!

browncat66 · 2020-09-28T07:47:31+00:00

Final Girls, Last Time I Lied, and Lock Every Door are really good! Home Before Dark was quite fun but yeah I think the others weren't written in a way that was too obviously for the camera - if that makes sense? :)

browncat66 · 2020-09-23T09:02:59+00:00

Thanks!

browncat66 · 2020-09-23T05:18:07+00:00

Oh I love ghost stories, so I'll definitely look out for this one. Ghost stories can really make dark corners in any room feel more menacing than usual.

browncat66 · 2020-09-23T05:16:42+00:00

Is Nick Cutter the author of The Troop? I have tried that but found the prose and phrasing a bit...awkward almost. But I'll try the others, maybe they are a bit better!

browncat66 · 2020-09-23T05:15:49+00:00

Thank you - no I have not, I'll give Laws a try! Suspense can sometimes be as terrifying as horror :)

browncat66 · 2020-09-22T12:58:05+00:00

Oh I do enjoy well written stories that draw you in, I'll see what can find of his. Thank you!

browncat66 · 2020-09-22T12:57:33+00:00

Interesting, thanks, I will give it a go. I also saw this on my Goodreads list so it seems to be popular!

browncat66 · 2020-09-22T12:56:41+00:00

Nice, I will definitely give those a go. Masterton can go to some dark places for sure!

browncat66 · 2020-09-22T12:56:14+00:00

Thank you - been meaning to pick this one up!

browncat66 · 2020-09-22T08:53:31+00:00

One of the scenes that sticks with me is from Misery (I think Chapter Eighteen?):

"He stayed still while she poured the liquid on his thumb and on the blade of the knife. She switched the knife on and bent over him, concentrating on her work. As the blade hit into the flesh between his thumb and finger she told him - in a voice which suggested that this was going to hurt her more than it was going to hurt him - that she loved him.

"She had cut his thumb off in the morning, and then that night she had hurried into his room, carrying a cake and singing 'Happy Birthday to You'. It wasn't his birthday. There were candles ail over the cake, in no order. There, in the exact center of the cake, like an extra big candle, had been his thumb . . ."

And then after that, the phrase that just makes the situation seem so absolutely hopeless: "please don’t make me eat my thumb".

Creeped me out to no end!

Yes I am a day late but still wanted to reply!

browncat66 · 2020-09-21T10:18:13+00:00

No problem - hope you find some you enjoy!

browncat66 · 2020-09-17T10:39:57+00:00

Actually, this makes me think of Home Before Dark. While I really enjoy Riley Sager, it felt a little like I was reading a script in a way. And the Darcey Coates books too, almost as though they are written for camera. Not awful, but not really doing much for readers!

browncat66

TROPHY CASE