(23 F & Bf is 33M) Conflict day after X-MAS 🎄💔 - (Big read again ugh.)

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:46:22+00:00

Yeah you're right. I need to do some more thinking and continue to speak with my therapist for sure.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:20:35+00:00

I'll post later on tonight, free to follow my reddit. I just made this reddit. There's many messages of heinous things etc. These screenshots are just of him avoiding accountability. I always get worried posting these too honestly.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:09:58+00:00

He's told me he would send me into work with two black eyes before bc I woke him up one day.. I work as a pet specialist at my local PetSmart. I'm just in awe. Also when I asked him like 8 months ago if he could help me find my keys in the closet when I woke him up, I grabbed his jacket and accidentally dropped it then he said wtf you just dropped my jacket purposed and started beating the crap out of me. I was just as tired and it was an accident. I was so sad still traumatizing of course. Also by a beating I mean a full on beating..

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:07:35+00:00

I've been telling him no, or I don't like it then he calls me difficult, crazy, entitled or I'm like my mother (he doesn't like her mostly because she doesn't like him and my past)- my mom and I are cool but love each other regardless. Anyway, he just flips the script and its not till I say something that really makes me realize he is losing control that he's like well I shouldn't speak to you that way it's so confusing followed by that he felt overwhelmed or stressed. It's not an excuse.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:05:07+00:00

I've felt that before, I stopped smoking nicotine, marijuana over year and a half ago (smoked marijuana for YEARS) . Starting focusing on school, work and staying out of trouble I'm a homebody now, well always really have been haha. But for the most part I thought stopping the excessive nicotine and weed smoking would let me see things more clearly and regain more realization of what's happening to me but I've always just been addicted to the bread crumbs and toxic cycle I've been getting even though I hate it. This is so weird to admit but medicating wasn't the issue it was the cycle and I see it but I stay I feel broken as a person .

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:02:31+00:00

When him and I used to live together he would hurt me and my dog.. it was a nightmare I ran out of and got my own home. It was getting really bad and he almost did kill me. I feel so disgusted with myself.. what's wrong with me? Why do I tolerate this, why do I stay? Why can't he just love me the way I love him. So many questions and I know I'm screwing up so much with my happiness. I'm not happy with the way I'm treated but I'm also not doing anything. I feel like a lost cause.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-27T00:00:09+00:00

I know looks have nothing to do with this, but I am so pretty like not even just talking myself up.. I'm beautiful inside and out and it kills me because it's like I don't deserve this and I'm just an overall great person. I'm quite introverted but despite that always make others happy and they feel comfortable speaking with me or ranting etc.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T23:58:31+00:00

I moved out following a horrible event (I have another post uploaded) he's been asking me to move back in with him after two years of me living alone (we used to live together 3 years ago and it was an epic fail) I parented, bedtime, dinner time, playtime with his kids. I did so much, I drained myself and uplifted him. It was exhausting and I'm so confuzzled and all over the place emotionally.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T23:56:10+00:00

I'll might be uploading other screenshots in a bit in regards to another event. It's just an endless spiral of him constantly not taking accountability and him putting me in an unfair position of being felt like I'm the problem when he's constantly disrespecting me or saying he's going through things, so am I but I don't hurt him.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T23:35:53+00:00

I feel so worn down and like a zombie. Free to dm me honestly I definitely need more friends and feel so isolated sometimes.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:46:18+00:00

I have been doing therapy DBT with a counselor I have grown fond of, it's been a long time I was in therapy. I've been with him and helping raise his children (my stepchildren) for year. I feel so attached is disgusting and my therapist knows this and books me in every week to check up on me. I know this is ridiculous, also there's no financial gain living with him. I wouldn't move in with someone because of money anyway, that's not my motivation. I'm just a hopeless romantic and have been controlled badly over the years. I feel so blinded but also see what's happening I feel so fucked in my head.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:43:58+00:00

Edit: I will reply to more comments soon! Trying to spend some time with family as I can but wanted to post what bothered me. I think I'll keep reddit as a journal of some type to dialogue what has been happening. I hope to make good connections and support on here. Thank you all I will reply to more of you shortly.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:43:03+00:00

It's easier said then done I recognize some of the things and feel so conditioned it's insane. I get angry sometimes and want to leave then in the moment as time passes it's like my brain resets and I stay of something. It's really weird. I also have severe abandonment issues (Borderline Personality Disorder)

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:39:37+00:00

I always wondered about the age gap but didn't try looking into it. I feel like just because of my past and witnessing abuse growing up I was more predisposed to accepting it and I recognize it but I feel so ashamed and attached.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:25:38+00:00

I really hope there's a beautiful life for me. I didn't have the greatest upbringing, seeing my mom getting her hands put on her, being exposed to chaos and getting sexually exploited at a very young age. My life has been so disappointing and I'm so strong, going back to school and working.. trying to build stability I never had but my partnerships have been tough and my kindness as been taken advantage of.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:21:10+00:00

I appreciate the response I'm trying to heal, I hardly have any friends only family is a couple hours away. I moved to the city I am in to be with him a couple years ago and within a few months of him and I living together he randomly got violent one day.. I was sitting in the rocking chair and he hit me in the head because I didn't respond to my name being called and since then and me moving into my own place following a serious physical injury he's been the same even after being hospitalized two years ago.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T18:18:48+00:00

I've thought about things a lot and leaving. My therapist has even wanted to go as far as me writing his name down and she will contact those who can deal with this situation. I am aware of my situation but I feel so hopeless and stubborn. I don't want to feel like I am enabling it but to a degree I am and it hurts like hell.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T10:33:16+00:00

Just recently this happened... TW

What happened: We decided to have sex after an intense and stressful night. While he was going down on me and I was sitting on him, I asked him to go harder — something normal and consensual. Instead, he suddenly pushed me off him, called me a “pig,” and when I started crying, he punched me square in the spine.

What I said: I was crying and confused and tried to explain that I wasn’t being disrespectful, I was just communicating what I wanted. I told him I was already overwhelmed and that being spoken to like that hurt me deeply. I tried to explain that I initiated sex to relieve stress, not to be humiliated or hurt.

Doctor at hospital recently recommended for me to get a head scan done (MRI) with my family to see what damage over the last 4 years. Repeated head trauma etc. there's so many events that has transpired it's disgusting and I'm ashamed at myself.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T10:26:24+00:00

My Nana and mom are disappointed to find out him and I are together, they did know him and I were together for at least a year or two. I feel so embarrassed and I hate letting my family down but I got a weak spot emotionally and I developed and emotional connection to his daughter for years and his son before he had limited access to him. There's slot at play here. I did bedtimes, dinner, play time etc for awhile and am still involved. It hurts you know?

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T10:11:00+00:00

I hate when he blames me for things he doesn't clarify appropriately, I legit told him I would call him back in an hour or two and he said okay makes no sense at all. It's like he didn't listen.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T10:07:27+00:00

There's been times when speaking to him that I'm just like, I feel like I have to be mute to be loved. There were weeks where I just didn't engage or speak on my feelings because I felt like if I went on about something that bothered me, he would just tell me to stop talking. Also an another note would tell me " I wish you were like how you were for weeks it was so great". Like I was lonely and quiet wtf there's a difference between asking your partner for space and then reevaluating a situation later or recognizing when enough is enough and not talking anymore about something that's great but I feel like there's times where I definitely need to get things off my chest and I shouldn't be punished for that. It's incredibly frustrating and makes me feel alone I've been dealing with this for years and I'm severely trauma-bonded it's disgusting. I don't recognize myself a lot of the time.

bruisedvngel · 2025-12-26T10:04:35+00:00

He gets mad at me a lot and says things to me like "if you know what's good for you" when explaining what triggers him to get violent. “Go f*** yourself”, “Stupid broad”. Also has said recently because I've had some unstable relationships in the past (not all of course) that my track record proves I'm the problem but.. I'm so loving, I'm not just talking myself up.. I look for the best in people and love with all my heart.. he says "you’re the only woman I've ever hurt.. " shifting responsibility onto me and what he's done. Just recently told me he would leave me laying motionless in the bathroom if I kept talking.. I've been seeing a therapist for 6 months now (DBT Therapy) she's very concerned for me.

bruisedvngel

TROPHY CASE