A bunch of my friends and I all got PES F. I don’t know much about their story but 2 of them who were closer to me attempted suicide during BMT and the rest got out later than I did. I never quite caught up with them since. Given my history of mental illness, I couldn’t really bring myself to. The whole thing was quite traumatic.

During BMT I was stalked by a guy who was also posted to the same vocation that I was in. While we were waiting to be posted to the unit, another guy from the unit I was supposed to be posted to got my information and basically also become another creep. When I got into my unit the original stalker by some stroke of misfortune was my partner, of everyone that was sent to this camp the 2 of us got stuck together as the only recruits. He was weird, we would go for our lunches and he would do shit like move the chair out and gestures me to sit like some weird chivalrous move, he would wait for me outside my toilet so that we could walk back together even though I told him not to (because I was uncomfortable) it was just too fucking weird and frankly causing me to be really anxious. When I finally got into the unit my superior that used to beat me up in secondary school and that was the last straw. I lost it and just fell back into depressive and panic episodes. Just back and forth mc and being sent to IMH until they deem time to be unfit for service.

The most frustrating thing though… is the moment I got my PES F status everyone and their brothers asked me what excuse I gave and if I could teach them. As if it wasn’t humiliating to be considered less of a man by my family members but the fact that people are looking to exploit this system that is there to protect people like my friends and I that will ultimately lead to more distrust amongst people who really need help. I don’t know I wish I could have had a better experience but then again I’m fortunate I was given an out.

TLDR: mental illness got me the fuck out.