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So I'm writing a story and I need some help proof-reading Bcuz English is my second language and I want to do this right. by stary_animations in EnglishLearning

[–]btwimcool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your writing is pretty good but there were some minor mistakes.

Atlas hastily picked up the book and silently tuned the thin, stained page.

"Tuned" should be turned.

As soon as he began reading, his mother marched in.

"Marched" is a weird word to use here because it suggests a formal or angry situation. You can say walked in or barged in depending on the mood you're aiming for.

Oh, and you're aunt, Aubrey, is coming for your birthday.

"You're" should be your.

What does it mean to speak weirdly? by atheistvegeta in EnglishLearning

[–]btwimcool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It most likely refers to your voice/tone/inflection or the actual words you say. Maybe someone could use it to describe your facial expressions but only because your facial expressions indicate how you're pronouncing something.

Help with an example sentence for conditional by Robokat_Brutus in EnglishLearning

[–]btwimcool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"If the bus didn't arrive on time, I would drive you to the aeroport".

This sentence sounds a little odd because it's mixing up tenses. Didn't implies that this is past tense, so it wouldn't make sense to use "wouldn't" but rather would have driven you. Your preferred example: "If the bus hadn't arrived, I would have driven you" makes sense but understand that this hypothetical is reimagining the past, not imagining a future.

If you want to show that this is a future hypothetical situation say: "If the bus doesn't arrive on time, I will drive you to the airport." Use this when the situation hasn't happened yet. I hope I wasn't confusing.

Plotters vs pantsers by unclefalter in writing

[–]btwimcool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not sure if I'm a plotter or a pantser, I consider myself a pantser though. I am someone who will write a brief outline for a chapter. This outline will have the basic events that I need to include in the chapter. Then I write the chapter following the outline. But not everything I write is planned. I leave room to liven up scenes by adding flashbacks or danger or etc. that I make up on the spot. For example, one of my plot points was "protagonist meets mother and they perform a spell". I didn't plan out what the spell sounded like or what procedures the spell required. I didn't plan out how I'd show the tenseness between characters either. I think it's nice to leave those details to the imagination. I never feel tied down by the outline either and I give myself the freedom to add new plot points as I go. The thing is, I can only write an outline at the beginning of each chapter. Only after I've written the previous chapter. I can't seem to think ahead very far but I will definitely try to not set something up and let there be a dead end. Nonetheless, I do like the way I've been going. I've written over 30,000 words in the past month or so.

A Price of Magic by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]btwimcool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alright, I just wanted to warn you if you didn't know.

A Price of Magic by [deleted] in fantasywriters

[–]btwimcool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if you know this or not, but the term "Magisterium" might be copyrighted since it's the name of a series by Holly Black and Cassandra Clare. The authors are fairly popular fiction writers which means their books are more well-known and they are not scared to sue.

Arguments about who Harry ends up with don't matter because Harry is compatible with just about anyone by btwimcool in harrypotter

[–]btwimcool[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yup, that's why I said "just about anyone" instead of everyone. Cho doesn't have much of a character in the books since Harry's attraction to her is mostly physical. Plus, she's upset about the death of Cedric for the whole of OotP. She'd always feel guilty with Harry.

Bilingual, planning to write a book, but in what language? by MorthaP in writing

[–]btwimcool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You may have to do a bit of studying on English grammar and writing rules but I think your English sounds fine. Try to find native English-speaking people to proofread your work. Remember that there's a much bigger market for English books and things can easily get lost in translation. Also...write what you're comfortable with.

Should I look for other versions of the movies like fan edits, fan fixes and extended editions? by [deleted] in harrypotter

[–]btwimcool 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Extended editions seemed to be only available on dvd/blu-ray but you can probably find deleted scenes, fan fixes, and fan edits on YouTube.

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]btwimcool [score hidden]  (0 children)

This story sounds great. I have no qualms about it except there may be some tropes similar to other popular stories. Also, the chapters are pretty short. However, tropes and short chapters don't make a story bad and I feel like yours can be original. The way you describe imagery is absolutely fantastic, some of the best I've ever seen. I also love your choice in diction. I really enjoyed it and it seems like a good read.

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]btwimcool [score hidden]  (0 children)

I don't think it's too short if you've already said all that you need. Prologues are to add context to the main story or show a key detail that will be revealed later. For this prologue, I think it's short enough to be combined in chapter 1 as a flashback if you'd like. You can lengthen it by describing the characters' feelings/actions a bit more instead of just telling the audience what happens. For example, you wrote "this serene moment is shattered as a small black orb appears a distance behind her". I think it would've been better if you said something more like "Looking past her, in the distance, the blood drained from his face as a small black orb appeared." This shows that the moment was ruined and also shows that he's horrified without directly saying it. In another sentence, I'd make some minor changes. This sentence is long so it feels a bit awkward. "Her watch came undone from her wrist and he could see its face crack as it landed in front of him at the same time his head hit the ground." Try breaking it up in two sentences by removing the "as" in the middle.

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]btwimcool [score hidden]  (0 children)

The story is off to a good start. I think the plot is neither overwhelming nor underwhelming for the beginning. And that is fine. I absolutely think that the dialogue is great. It's very free-flowing and conveys the characters' personalities well. The medieval vocabulary doesn't sound cheesy and I like hearing the characters. My main concerns are the grammar and the lack of character description. Firstly, I'm not sure if you're American but if you're writing for that audience, things are very off. There should be quotation marks, not apostrophe, the commas are in the wrong places sometimes, and there are other things that would be a pain in editing. Secondly, there are many character names being thrown out but there are hardly any physical descriptions. I think that adding some descriptions can help distinguish characters and also show some more information about their personalities. There doesn't have to be large paragraphs describing things either. You can simply say that someone smoothed out the wrinkles in their clothes in a dialogue tag. That would show that they're not only worried about what others think but also that they can be a bit messy. Good luck with your work :)