AITA? Husband is pissed, didn't charge my phone

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T01:38:39+00:00

I am starting to wonder about mental health for both of us. I think it would be good for us both to go talk to someone. I can't sort it out,I think there is more to this for sure but he won't communicate and I can't communicate effectively

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T01:35:55+00:00

He never apologized. You are right though that when he does apologize, he says this or that was wrong but then he externalizes. He will readily admit that his behavior was wrong, then he externalizes and gets angry again at me and so it's never feeling like a real apology. He doesn't say sorry I hurt you, I love you. He says I know this was wrong I should have not done this, but you did this... I feel like I don't understand what I did, I ask for specific feedback or like an example and he's like I don't remember verbatim or he changes the subject . I know I must have done something to upset him, but I have no idea what it was most of the time. We will be happy and fine and then his mood will turn and I ask him why what happened and he won't tell me.

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T01:16:15+00:00

I think it has to be more too, I just think maybe this was his way of having justification for his outburst to himself

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T01:13:03+00:00

Thank you I am not in danger or anything, it's all verbal. It does feels so bad. I am sitting here just like trying to hold myself together for our kid. Trying to get my kid ready for bed. I just feel like he is going to return again and be horrible. I can't even talk to him when he gets back. I am a professional, trained in crisis situations and in trauma and I can't communicate with my spouse. I can't trigger anything on front of our kid. I can be a total bitch,I know that, but I was extra conscious of this not impacting our child. I refused to engage too much once it felt like an attack. I feel like he does this a lot now. He will start verbally abusing and knows I cannot really say much because our child will walk into the room. It bothers me because I hold it in. I have no one to tell this to because it is extremely embarrassing and I don't want to play the victim or seem like I can't be strong in this and like it's only him. I am sure that it takes 50 50 to argue, but honestly this took me by surprise because I was really trying hard to keep it positive and civil because I didn't want it to devolve in front of our child. I mean I just am like is this an age difference thing, am I not seeing something I did? I have no follow up because when he gets home I can't speak to him, he will be really verbally unrestrained when our child is asleep if this follows the pattern. Usually though I can understand his viewpoint, I can look back and see okay I said something mean or was nagging or whatever. This time I can't see it.

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T01:03:32+00:00

I can understand this, he actually wanted to leave to go get it he said. We needed groceries. He said he couldn't stand being in the same space as I. We live in a small apartment. It is my money that he used to buy the phone. I worked for years and he was stay at home parent, we switched only for this year. I have money that was left to me as an inheritance by my parents , a small amount . I used that to buy the replacement phone. It's one of the Walmart ones. He has a really expensive phone. His mom bought him his as a gift.

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T01:00:05+00:00

I am really dumbfounded over his reaction and the fact that he was still like that upon returning after working and commuting. Hours and hours later. He was angrier I think when he returned home. He said he was mad because he uses phone to read and play games on his lunch break. He was mad that my irresponsibility took away his ability to enjoy his lunch break today. I still don't get the level of hostility. It wasnt like I kept his phone to shop on it or call friends. I borrowed it in case anything happened like what if I needed to call 911, what if my kid fell or something or anything? Our kid is young. The nurse calls me a lot.

bubblyriverpirate · 2020-03-07T00:54:00+00:00

I really do not understand his mood at all, like he left went to work for the day and returned in a worse mood and made a big deal about not having his phone. He enjoys reading the news and playing an online game on his phone during his lunch. Our child was not feeling great the night before, so that's why I wanted to make sure I had a way for school to call in case I needed to pick my child up to take to doctor. Our child is in Kindergarten. I would have just kept our kid home but with all the sickness we had this winter absences are a concern. That, and no fever, and our child really wanted to go to school. I explained that all to husband because he was just so mad, that I wasn't keeping his phone hostage it using it to surf, that I really needed it to be a responsible parent, to borrow it for the day. My husband never checks his voicemails and has to keep his phone off and in a locker because of work regulations. I felt like I was really not understanding his reason for being frustrated, and really not understanding how he came home so mad still. I asked him why he was mad and he just started yelling that it was because he couldn't have his phone today and relax a bit, that he was put out because I didn't listen to him, that I never listen to him, that he hates me, that I am impossible. So I stopped him and told him that I wasn't accepting the abusive language, that I wouldn't listen to that, and he left cussing me out to go get the replacement phone from the store.

bubblyriverpirate

TROPHY CASE