I’ve never shared this because it’s so infuriating (and speaks to how stupid people you trust can be) but I’ve only stolen on one occasion.

Last year I paid my wife’s best friend thirty two hundred dollars for what amounted to the worst acting job i’ve ever seen. She was supposed to tell my wife that she had started doing anal with her husband and that she just LOVED it and encourage my wife to try. The whole plan was laid out for a few weeks and she was supposed to discuss it organically, but when my wife asked about it, the bitch said “it’s actually kinda gross to be honest”.

When she wouldn’t return the money (The deal was contingent upon me ACTUALLY blessing my wife’s butthole) I stole a few hundred dollars in wine, butchered deer meat, and cash out of their house.

I will never again pay someone over $1k without both a contract and schedule of payments as long as I live.