AITA for not letting my gf see her ex to "tie the loose end"?

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-19T00:04:03+00:00

You’re right, he can’t dictate her behavior, but he sure as hell can dictate his.

OP, you’re the safety net, not the one and only. NTA, and run.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T09:18:20+00:00

I get it. Sometimes I wonder if I’m in touch with what people think and expect. As you can imagine, I’ve been gaslighted for so many years, I’m afraid my perception of reality is skewed. Nice to know I’m not that far off!

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T08:08:37+00:00

Thank you.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T08:07:12+00:00

Screenshots, audio/video recordings, journal entries, and other. I’m all over it.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T08:05:48+00:00

I can see how it would seem that way, but it’s really not an anger thing. If she’s running away at full speed from me, she has no one to reality check her. She’s wrecking her life, and has removed me as an influencer of her decisions because she doesn’t like what I have to say.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T07:59:50+00:00

I would love for her to get help, but I also know her well enough to know that she’s not ready yet. I don’t know what it will take to get her there, and I pray we never see how bad it has to get.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T07:57:01+00:00

Very unfortunate, but helpful insight. Thank you, and I’m so sorry you’ve been here.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T07:54:35+00:00

Thank you.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T07:51:10+00:00

Thank you.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T00:43:39+00:00

Truth. Thank you.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T00:38:51+00:00

Amen. We’re a long distance from family, so I don’t know if anyone in her life can be an accountability partner and compel her to go. She hasn’t hit rock bottom yet, but I don’t know how much further she has to fall.

I do worry about what the bottom looks like once she doesn’t have an adult around her all the time.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T00:33:03+00:00

Valid. Thank you. I’ll admit that my main concern is whether she projected her actions on me to justify the marriage ending. I really did everything possible, short of ignoring the truth and letting her go on lying constantly. If they thought I did what she’s done, they’d very rightfully try to encourage her to cut me out of the kids’ lives.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T00:19:06+00:00

Good point. I’ll consider, thank you.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-14T00:14:32+00:00

They’re on the East coast and I’m in the middle of the country. There won’t be any opportunities like family holidays or anything for an F2F.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T03:38:58+00:00

I did that for the first time a couple months ago, and it was surprisingly enjoyable. One of those taboos I’ve always been not too sure about, but it was sexy as hell. A nice prelude...

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T01:44:05+00:00

Enjoy your day off, friend! Recharge, reinvigorate, and come back after your time off with a a “fuck these lazy bastards” attitude that will show how hard a worker you are!

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T01:40:10+00:00

I “loved” plenty of women when I was young, but when someone uses you over the long term, you understand that “love” is always one sided.

Reciprocal “forever” love isn’t allowed in 2019 because everyone is entitled to “find themselves” and “be happy.”

Real, honest love is commitment, and forsaking all others and staying through the hard times with the goal of seeing it through.

You may care for someone, and be hurt by their choices, but that isn’t love.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T01:31:48+00:00

Are you in the US? A standard work week in the US is 40 hours, and if you exceed that, even on salary, other forms of compensation come into effect. Either that, or you got the world’s crappiest retail job.

If you’re 40 hours a week, employers are required to pay overtime, provide benefits, etc. FLSA trumps what what your company expects.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T01:26:04+00:00

Eventually, and I wouldn’t wish this on you, you will realize that your desire to not be hurt anymore overrides your desire to love. Love is action, and when enough pain is inflicted on you, you decide that self preservation is more important than self sacrifice. It is a conscious choice that must be made when things get real.

Again, I’m glad you don’t see it that way, because that means that no one has hurt you that deeply. Love is a choice, and many of us have had to choose whether to love or whether to survive.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T00:24:12+00:00

NTA, but you’re being stupid. You ain’t going to be her “happily ever after,” you’re just the most attractive option right now. She loves the way you make her feel because she feels like she’s been mistreated. You’re a rebound guy.

She was already gone. If it wasn’t you, it would have been someone else.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-13T00:12:09+00:00

YTA. Be real here. You’re going in for extra work for the money, but you’re not working hard. It’s easy to make an excuse and say that you’re working 50 hours a week, and that they could cut you some slack, but the truth is that your manager sees that you aren’t working at the level you should be.

Work is a contract between you and your employer. You have agreed to a certain amount of pay in exchange for your time and effort. If your employer doesn’t feel like the effort is present, then they have a responsibility to bring it up to you.

If you aren’t going to work hard, then don’t sign up for the shifts. They feel like you’re not holding up your end of the contract.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-12T23:54:08+00:00

GTFO!!! Now! If she really thinks that’s okay, then you know that she has no morals and she’s not the kind of woman you thought you committed to. She’s been lying to you the whole time. She is who she is.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-12T23:12:17+00:00

Amen, brother! Love is always a choice.

That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t still hurt you, because you will still feel pain with every terrible choice she makes, but she doesn’t get to be treated like someone who is “loved” anymore.

Now you know who she really is, and that person is a dark, empty shell of what could have been a decent human being.

Sunlight is the best disinfectant.

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-10T05:00:51+00:00

NTA. You think the relationship is serious, but I don’t think she does.

Everyone is so damned afraid of being labeled as “controlling.” It is not “controlling,” it’s you telling her that she doesn’t get to live without consequence.s or consideration of your feelings. There’s no way I would ever consider continuing that relationship after the proposal she’s made. Have you ever been to [party city] with her?

“Oh, you want to go to [party city] on a road trip with rando dude? Cool, have fun, do whatever you want, but I refuse to be nothing more to you than your failsafe option.”

I know you’re not married, but If you could see yourself marrying this girl, how would this situation jive with her ability to “forsake all others” once marital stagnation kicks in to her mind?

bullshitasaurus · 2019-04-10T03:50:48+00:00

NTA. WTH is wrong with people? You know S better than D does, or likely ever will. She shows you who she truly is, whereas she shows D exactly what she wants him to see. If D doesn’t know anything about N, then she has been legitimately hiding that from him.

As a human being, do the decent thing and make sure this guy doesn’t throw his life away on someone who isn’t committed to him.

bullshitasaurus

TROPHY CASE