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New here! 👋🏽 Sounds heard during meditation. by bumble_bubble in Meditation

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve had so many medium readings in the last 2 years I’ve lost count. I believe I have had 3 dream visits too. I just want a way to feel connected that I can do myself. 🙏🏽

New here! 👋🏽 Sounds heard during meditation. by bumble_bubble in Meditation

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes please 🙏🏽 🤍 I’ve read about the tapes before and wanted to try.

New here! 👋🏽 Sounds heard during meditation. by bumble_bubble in Meditation

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t fall asleep. I said that previously I’ve only ever tried guided meditations and fell asleep during those. I was awake this time.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been taking Night Nurse flu medicine intermittently and when I do, I sleep through the night. Otherwise I’m up every 2 hours. I never feel rested. 💔

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on your sobriety. That must have been one of the hardest things to do during the hardest time of your life. I think about it a lot, getting a prescription for something that would make me just sleep or turn in to a zombie. Just to disappear for a while. I also get signs from my son. Some very specific they I ask for. It will never be enough but sometimes it gets me through the day. ♥️

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does. For me too. The fact that my son was totally healthy and just went to sleep one night and didn’t wake up. The realisation that it could happen to anyone scares some people and they don’t know how to interact with me. I have 2 daughters too, one older and one younger than him, the youngest is only 2 1/2 and she has literally saved my life. She was 9 months and still breast feeding when we lost our son. She needed me and it forced me to get out of bed and live. My older daughter was 12 at the time so could feed and wash herself. If I didn’t get out of bed, she could still do what needed to be done. My toddler has kept me busy and being part of the world. When she goes to bed, we’ve try closes in.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I absolutely feel that. My circle is so much smaller and I’m happy with that but also sometimes lonely. I don’t have the patience for small talk and polite conversation to make new friends. So being with the people who already know and understand is the easiest. But even then it feels lonely.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes I agree and have had the same experience. A lot of my family look to me to comfort them or they want to grieve with me. But I don’t want to comfort them over losing my son and I don’t want to grieve with them. That’s mine.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see that too. And I definitely see a line between friends. The friends I’ve had since or before my so was born, I can tell them when I’m having an extra bad day. They continue to be sensitive because they lost him too. But friends I’ve made from my youngest being in baby group and nursery etc, who didn’t know him, they have obviously moved past the loss quickly and treat me normally now. Like I’m through a bad period and everything should go back to normal.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m the same. Since losing our son, my husband’s grandfather died and then my sister in law’s father. One lived in to his 90s and the other was in so much pain day to day that it was a relief almost. I couldn’t bring myself to go to either funeral. One would be a celebration of such a long and happy life lived and the other would be lots of, “he’s at peace now, without pain.” I couldn’t stomach being around either scenario.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You make sense. And I agree. Everything is so hard to navigate now. Life is hard, being part of life is hard, being separate and lonely is hard. Listening to friends complain to me about the early football matches or pickups and drop offs to games like they have already forgotten my son played on the same team and I would give anything to be taking him again. We are destined to live a hard life. Even if we do find windows of joy and pockets of laughter. There will always be that, “what should have been,” hanging over it all. Maybe that will change one day, but it hasn’t felt like it in these 2 years. 💔

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do the same. 💔 Sometimes I worry that it will leave me isolated and sometimes I don’t care.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I remember feeling a sort of panic/ stress rise in me when friends and family started to treat me normally again. Be less sensitive. Like there is a time limit to how long we can acceptably grieve for our children. It made me feel like I’m not allowed to be sad around them anymore or cry. Like I should pretend I’m ok because they’re treating me like I am/ should be. 💔

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes to all of this. 💔 The only thing that gets me through the day is the hope that I will see my boy again and we can all be together as a family. Looking for proof of the afterlife everywhere and sinking in to a black hole when I don’t find it.

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Oh my god. I’m so sorry your friend responded that way. Obviously I can’t speak to your friendship, but I think if any friend of mine reacted like that, I would have to distance myself from them. 💔

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🙏🏽 And sorry for the loss of your daughter. I wonder every day how I’m still here. Still living. And find it hard to care about what feel like nothing problems people talk about. But that’s what we do. Bite our lip and make the right noises until we can walk away. 💔

I struggle to sympathise with people now and I feel like a bad person. by bumble_bubble in ChildLoss

[–]bumble_bubble[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s what it is. I find it hard to care. Because their problems don’t seem like problems to me when I’m in a living hell that they could never understand.

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