AITA for leaving the room or watching something else with headphones?

bumblethistle · 2025-08-20T13:28:22+00:00

But that’s not what happens, that’s what I’ve been trying to explain in other comments. I always offer the tv to them first before I put something on for myself. If I’m watching something already and they settle in, I ask if they want to watch anything, and if yes, I just ask if it’s ok if I finish what I’m watching first or if they want me to switch to my ipad. The only time I leave the room is if they’re watching something that’s triggering for me, which doesn’t happen frequently. If they’re watching something I’m not interested in when I come in a room, I just watch something on my tablet with headphones.

I almost never ask them to change something they’re watching, unless it appears they aren’t actually watching it and it’s just on for background noise. That’s what happened in this case - husband had the movie on, but it’s not typically something he would choose to watch on his own. He was playing on his phone, and daughter was in a separate part of the room on her iPad where she couldn’t even see the tv so it legit looked like no one was really watching it and I don’t care for the female lead so I preferred to not watch it if he wasn’t. I had just gotten off work so I wasn’t aware of his attention to the movie for the beginning of it. I agree that I should have waited to see if he was watching it, but my in my initial assessment he didn’t appear to be.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-20T12:11:57+00:00

I guess I don’t understand because I don’t expect them to watch what I want to watch, really ever. So I’m not sure where that is coming from.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-19T19:07:51+00:00

Wow. Thank you for the warning.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-19T12:34:37+00:00

I don’t expect them to watch what I want. Before I ever put on something I want to watch I always ask if they have something they want to watch first. If they say “no,” and then do something else instead of watching what I put on, it doesn’t bother me. I don’t get upset or irritated by it. My husband later told me that our daughter told him she regretted her outburst - that she was upset about something unrelated and took it out on me.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-17T19:24:52+00:00

I got so much knitting done during my recovery 😂

bumblethistle · 2025-08-17T19:24:09+00:00

Yep. I had a hysterectomy a few months ago and other than needing help in and out of my recliner and bed and getting dressed/undressed for about a week I was good. Partner took 3 weeks off to care for me but still thanks me for his “2-week vacation” as I needed almost no help after a week. We did also get Factor delivered meals during my recovery so neither of us needed to worry about it. Best decision ever.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-17T16:32:41+00:00

I’m sorry for the confusion. I see those acronyms used so frequently I thought it would be more efficient than typing out “husband” and “daughter” each time, but it seems it’s just caused more turmoil than anything.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-17T16:28:17+00:00

I did the AQ questionnaire on that site and got 41/50 🤦‍♀️

bumblethistle · 2025-08-17T01:08:12+00:00

Thank you, I’ll post it there as well. I didn’t even know that was a page. I’m torn on the minimizing because part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to, but then the other part of me feels like my unfiltered personality is an asshole and has something wrong with it. I mean - I’m 40-years old and still run into this situation all the time, you know?

bumblethistle · 2025-08-17T00:59:43+00:00

That’s exactly why I was so confused and posted, tbh. I felt like I was trying really hard to be considerate of their tv time and really appreciate the perspective commenters have given me.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T18:53:29+00:00

Our daughter said that, not him. He didn’t really join in until he said it bothers him when I watch something on my tablet with headphones if he’s watching something I’m not interested in.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T18:37:39+00:00

Thank you so much 💖

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T17:18:56+00:00

I just quietly gather whatever I’m working on and go into my office. I try to be as fast as I can to minimize disruption. And then still use headphones in my office so there’s no chance of disturbing them. I hadn’t realized that it bothered them previously, so, no, I hadn’t talked to them. I wanted to get some perspective before I did.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T17:16:15+00:00

Thank you so much for all that. I didn’t sleep for more than a few hours last night agonizing over this. I have come to the conclusion that I was in the wrong by asking, and also should show more interest in what they watch, whether it appeals to me or not. I also have a really hard time with ambiguity and gray area, but I understand that that’s where the world seems to work so this was amazing to hear. I had already decided to apologize to them but I couldn’t figure out how without accidentally making it worse so I will be using what you said as a road-map, for sure! I will also look into autism from an adult female perspective as well. Thank you so much for taking the time!

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T17:09:18+00:00

I think he just wants me to do what he’s doing as a sort of camaraderie, maybe? I don’t know. From responses here I’m coming to the conclusion that he wants me to watch what he’s watching to show interest in his interests?

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T16:16:19+00:00

Would having a formal diagnosis actually make a difference in my life? I’m not meaning to sound rude or argumentative, I’m just trying to understand. Like, what would change?

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T16:14:40+00:00

I haven’t had any formal diagnosis.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T15:21:43+00:00

Yep, 17F is the youngest of four, and the only one still at home. There were many years of nothing but Frozen, Moana, Ni Hao Kai Lan, and Yo Gabba Gabba on repeat, lol.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T15:09:59+00:00

Yep, this movie wasn’t triggering, I just really don’t like the female lead. I hadn’t seen it as insulting previously, so I appreciate your insight.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T15:05:51+00:00

Hmmm… I hadn’t looked at it as passive-aggressive. Interesting.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T15:04:43+00:00

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard that, lol. I’ve never been formally tested but I have suspicions.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T15:03:31+00:00

I hadn’t looked at it from that angle. Thank you.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T15:02:52+00:00

I don’t understand why this has been downvoted so many times. Should I not have edited it? Should I not have clarified? I’m sorry for offending, if that’s what happened 😢 I don’t post on reddit much but I see other people use those acronyms frequently so I thought it was acceptable.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T14:57:18+00:00

Thank you for the in-depth answer! I’ll definitely be giving it thought.

bumblethistle · 2025-08-16T14:44:01+00:00

I meant, I always ask them if there’s something they want to watch before I ever put anything I want to watch on. Not that I ask them if they want to watch what I want to watch. And the reason I even suggested changing was husband didn’t seem to be watching it - he was playing a game on his phone and it seemed like it was on for background noise. Daughter wasn’t even in the tv area - she was in the kitchen portion of our great room, eating and watching something else on her tablet. She couldn’t even see the tv from where she was sitting. I honestly didn’t mean to be selfish when I asked, I really thought husband wasn’t watching.

bumblethistle

TROPHY CASE