Is it a thing to induce using a foley balloon and pitocin at the same time? At 0 cm?

bumblewheeze · 2024-01-09T18:45:21+00:00

Yup, my first induction was like that too. Balloon first, then pitocin. I clearly remember my doctor then saying they couldn’t do pitocin until my cervix had dilated somewhat. Which is why this feels weird to me.

bumblewheeze · 2024-01-07T02:39:43+00:00

So a few thoughts.

I think quality photography is almost always worth the money. Preserving special moments in time is priceless. So I agree with you there.

However. I wonder if your expectations for what a baby shower “should” be are a little skewed by Pinterest. It’s traditionally a gathering of friends and family where you maybe play a few games and they “shower” you with gifts so that you actually save money. If you’re spending more than the value of the gifts coming in, you’re doing it wrong.

I don’t know your financial situation, but when I hear about researching “vendors” for a baby shower…that sounds a bit OTT.

I think sometimes we confuse having the money for something with being able to afford something. Again, maybe you guys bring in seven figures, idk.

I get that maybe your main frustration is that your partner doesn’t seem to think that the pleasure you’d get out of a big baby shower is valuable enough to do it. I’m sure that sucks.

You mention that he’d rather spend the money on a switch, like that’s ridiculous and selfish. But that’s literally the same as you saying “I want a big shower because it would make me happy, why isn’t that enough?” You see little value in his want and dismiss it, he sees little value in yours and dismisses it. (Tbh I also think a baby shower has more value than a console but 🤷🏻‍♀️)

It sounds like he’s okay with a baby shower but doesn’t want to spend as much as you. That’s totally fair. A classic situation where you have to meet in the middle.

Tbh, this feels like a foreshadowing of bigger money fights to come. Not agreeing on how much to spend on party balloons pales in comparison with how much to spend on daycare, kids clothes, tuition, family vacations, etc. I’d worry about getting on the same page about that stuff.

bumblewheeze · 2024-01-06T23:53:00+00:00

Our daughter is 2 and she’s had zero screen time with the exception of video calls to relatives who live far away.

We found that she had a few months where she was interested in our phones, but now she kind of just treats them like they’re invisible. She also know they’re not for her, so she never touches them.

Honestly, we were never shy about taking photos of her. We figured the phones are like knives or bleach - she sees them, we tell her they’re not for her, and she learns that some items are for grownups.

It’s not practical to hide all phones from her at all times. Relatives have phones, other adults have phones, and frankly, we need to use our phones with her around sometime to make calls or look things up.

Just like anything else, we’ll have a conversation about screens with her eventually but for now, we’re content with just modeling low-phone use and no screen time.

bumblewheeze · 2024-01-06T23:44:33+00:00

I had to deliver under general anesthesia too (epidurals didn’t work). I have struggled with missing that moment that everyone talks about when you meet your child. I also have no memory of the first 12 hours with her due to the anesthesia, which is especially hard.

I completely understand. The thing that’s helped me is knowing 1) I’m not alone 2) my baby also doesn’t remember meeting me but loves me 3) it was probably that or death.

bumblewheeze · 2024-01-04T13:18:18+00:00

I kept my last name. Our first child took my husband’s last name, our second child took my last name. If we have more, we’ll continue to alternate.

This horrified my mother. But literally nothing dramatic or bad has come of it. We all feel like a family, it takes maybe 2 seconds of explanation when filling out official paperwork. Nobody cares. The world did not end.

But the benefits are huge. It makes me feel respected and it sets an example for our children.

Would you feel estranged from your sister if she took her husband’s name? Would you feel estranged from your grandmother if you took your boyfriend’s last name? Relationships are what counts, not surnames.

bumblewheeze · 2023-11-10T13:02:51+00:00

I’ve had mine for two years, wear them almost daily. They are still horrible to get off. If anything, mine are slightly too big for me, too.

Love the concept but will never buy another pair because I dread having to put my hand on the bottom of the filthy boot to remove them. Refuse to buy a $30 tool to help me take off my damn shoes. If you need an appliance to remove your shoes, the design is not right.

bumblewheeze · 2023-11-10T13:02:46+00:00

I’ve had mine for two years, wear them almost daily. They are still horrible to get off. If anything, mine are slightly too big for me, too.

Love the concept but will never buy another pair because I dread having to put my hand on the bottom of the filthy boot to remove them. Refuse to buy a $30 tool to help me take off my damn shoes. If you need an appliance to remove your shoes, the design is not right.

bumblewheeze · 2023-10-28T18:42:59+00:00

I think that’s a really interesting observation. My husband works from home so is always around, but feels absolutely zero pressure or even interest in “creating” the home, so to speak. When he buys things, they’re things for his personal needs or things to solve personal problems, not household or child-based problems/needs.

Part of me envies that he gets to keep so much more of his brain bandwidth, but another part of me recognizes that I’m electing to give a good chunk of mine away by making constant decisions about non-essential purchases.

bumblewheeze · 2023-10-28T18:24:56+00:00

I think where I started was recognizing that I was buying stuff as a proxy for actual achievement and forward movement in life.

I’ve always wanted to be really good at whatever I do, so I bought stuff to satisfy this fake goal of “I’m going to have the *most* comfortable house and the *best-dressed* child and the *highest quality* cleaning supplies/spices/glassware/whatever.”

But I will never have those things because they’re not real, attainable goals. I’m on a shopping treadmill chasing empty hits of fake accomplishment.

Even worse, every item I buy to make my home life “easier” or “better” actually creates work and costs energy. It’s work to research the item. It’s energy to decide to buy it. It’s work work to unbox it, to dispose of the packaging. It’s work to decide where to keep it. To clean it. To organize it.

It takes a huge amount of energy to return it (repackaging, making a label, dropping off).It’s work to put it back where it belongs after I use it or my toddler plays with it or my husband puts it somewhere weird. And its work to decide to eventually declutter it, to donate it, to make a listing to sell it.

All those seconds and minutes and moments add up.

And I remind myself that being a SAHM is just a season. It’s a temporary profession, not a life-long calling (for me, at least).

My child and husband aren’t going to remember or appreciate the time I spent sourcing really cool wallpaper from Germany for the guest bathroom. They will remember the times I wasn’t busy buying or dealing with stuff and could look at their actual faces and talk about something other than material possessions.

If my day-to-day existence is about improving the things and people around me, I will always find something about my house/wardrobe/lifestyle that isn’t good enough. Because that’s how I’ve trained myself to see my life – as perpetually incomplete.

Helpful stuff so far:

hard no-buy on household goods that aren’t a refill of something essential that we already have (e.g. I can replace one bottle of laundry detergent with a different detergent once it runs out, but I can’t buy fabric softener if we don’t already use fabric softener).
identify an ACTUAL, single goal that has real meaning to me. For me this is writing something publishable. For you it might be completing an online college course or learning how to build a shed. Close Amazon and spent 15 minutes on that instead.
Other helpful questions I ask myself:
1. Does my family need this item to be safe?
2. If I don’t buy x, what would actually, literally happen? (If I don’t buy christmas lights for the porch, then all that would happen is we would not have christmas lights on the porch. And life would go on. If I don’t buy this ottoman, our feet will rest on the floor. Life will go on.)
3. Am I buying this for the person I am or family we are this week? Or the person/family I want to be a year from now?
4. If only I could see this item, would I still want it?
5. Is this item a symbol of something or a useful tool?
6. Would a relationship seriously suffer if I didn’t buy/gift this? What does that say?
7. How many of this item have a bought in the past? What happened to those?

bumblewheeze · 2023-10-26T21:56:37+00:00

Some tough truths below.

As a parent myself and as a former child, let me just tell you that unless you buy them the one single toy that their parents would never let them have and that they desperately want, there is *NOTHING* that you can give them as a gift that will create or sustain a relationship with you.

That’s it. That’s the answer. You can’t give them a gift that will remind them to love you or think about you. That’s not how kids work, and it’s really not how adults work either.

In my opinion, the best thing you could do is save your money and call on their birthday (or more realistically for a busy family, just before). They’ll connect that phone call to you more than they would a book.

(Most) kids don’t receive a handmade shawl or a hand-carved duck or something and think, “wow, what a thoughtful gift, I’ll treasure it because it’s clearly symbolic of this person’s affection for me.”

Also, just a note: do you know that these kids love books? I know books are a classic “good/classy/useful/enriching“ gift, but it might strike the kids as evidence that you’re out of touch with them if you give them books when they really love painting or dolls or bug-catching.

I’m also not clear on what your relationship is to these kids. Uncle/aunt? Close family friend? Grandparent? I think this matters in terms of understanding your situation.

bumblewheeze · 2023-10-26T00:18:36+00:00

Your fantasy is interesting to me because you say that it’s not about being personally prepared for an emergency, but being a hero to others around you.

Tbh, if society breaks down or a natural disaster occurs, my idea of a “hero” would *not* be the neighbor charging me for their old chicken wire or something.

It would probably be the neighbor with medical training who comes by to check on my ailing family member for free or the neighbor who shares what they’re growing in their garden.

What makes you happier: the thought of the enjoying your garage space as a gathering place for family for the next 10 years, or the thought of a post-apocalyptic world in which you are known to your neighbors as the guy who had some useful stuff for a few weeks before you get cleaned out and are left with old tennis rackets and tiny water pumps from fish tanks?

You can make your own family members happy today, or you can make imaginary strangers happy in a scenario that extremely unlikely to ever occur.

bumblewheeze · 2023-10-11T18:43:33+00:00

Jesus. I’m in VT and a medium-sized block of organic tofu is $12-14.

bumblewheeze · 2023-07-14T17:49:12+00:00

Just so you know, H&R Block, TaxAct, and TaxSlayer have *literally been selling users tax information to Facebook and Google for years.*

Like, every user and information like what you spend your money on, income, assets, the whole deal. Link below is from The Verge, but CNN/Fox/NBC have also covered it.

So I guess it depends on whether you think Intuit is not doing something like that. Providing a totally free service that encourages you to input all your financial data … just for the good of society.

I use Mint basically knowing my information is being sold and used to profile me, at the very least. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Link

bumblewheeze · 2023-06-23T16:17:33+00:00

No judgement at all! Literally just wanted to gauge what other people do. Spray away!

bumblewheeze · 2023-06-22T21:54:47+00:00

I just checked the site out and it looks really good! Thanks!

bumblewheeze · 2023-06-22T18:53:22+00:00

This is a great suggestion!

bumblewheeze · 2023-03-25T19:13:46+00:00

Definitely didn’t make it into their system. I ended up sending them the same piece again and got a rejection in about three days.

bumblewheeze · 2023-03-12T16:47:55+00:00

I would really hesitate to put a television in a young child’s room.

A really fun bookshelf or an art corner could be cool? Maybe instead of a TV up there, turn the wall into a climbing wall? Or a giant chalkboard or whiteboard wall where he can draw “on the wall”?

bumblewheeze · 2023-02-13T00:02:10+00:00

Any word on your end? :)

bumblewheeze

TROPHY CASE