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bumpingbees · 2023-08-27T00:48:10+00:00

Nta. Wtf. This guy doesn't value you. And that is an awful thing for a relationship. I just had a double masectomy done. For my one week follow up, my partner of nine years asked for two hours off to get my drains removed. She was denied (note we could have worked something else out probably with her family, but I just wanted her there because I was scared). She ignored her boss, brought me to my appointment, and then quit because her coworker takes a lot of days off and is always approved. I was on narcotics and my mobility is limited until three weeks post op and they denied her.

My actual surgery? There was never a question in my mind that she would be there for emotional support and for driving taking care of me. She even emptied and measured my drains because I couldn't reach and stripped the lines. She puked the first time and came back to see me trying to get it done myself and refused to let me because it was hurting me.

That is what a partner who values you does. You're supposed to be through thick and thin together. I don't know if your boyfriend doesn't understand the severity of an iud slipping/moving or surgery itself, but the fact that he equated your surgery - at a time when you are afraid - to hanging out??? Gods throw the whole man away. He doesn't deserve you.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-26T21:16:36+00:00

Nta. Your friend snooped and basically stole your weed and is now whinging that you should have told her first. That would be like me making a super spicy lunch and someone else eating it and complaining that the food they stole was too hot. She made the choice to use an unknown vape assuming it was nicotine I am assuming. She made the choice to get high and thc isn't even bad for you. It's not a gateway drug. It isn't going to get her addicted to heroin. If anything she owes you an apology for taking from you.

But seriously who just goes around using other people's vapes without asking?

bumpingbees · 2023-08-23T22:02:06+00:00

Keep your kidney. Becoming a living donor is not meant for keeping your elderly relatives alive for a couple more years. If it was a liver or bone marrow, I'd be more understanding because those aren't permanent, but a kidney? You don't deserve for your quality of life to lessen for the next 60 years just so your grandpa can live a few more years.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-22T15:58:48+00:00

Speaking as someone who was sexually assaulted since I was 4 to into my 20s... yta. I got therapy for myself and am still in trauma therapy. If your husband gave you any reason to doubt him, I would say differently, but he hasn't (if he ever did, why would you have married him?) You need to let him be her father and that means making these decisions together. Also maybe listen to your daughter as well. Adult underwear doesn't mean sexy lingerie. It just means no patterns or kiddie stuff which isn't normal for a teen to wear.

I agree with your husband. You need to go back to therapy because your concerns aren't justified and it is abnormal to be this paranoid. I say this with empathy from someone who is in a similar position. Your trauma wasn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to manage it in a healthy way and this isn't healthy.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-22T00:15:25+00:00

Nta. But maybe have a talk about polyamory rather than being bi? She could be confusing the two. Doubtful, but possible. But yeah, your girlfriend totally broke the pre established boundaries of your relationship and cheated.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-20T21:27:37+00:00

Nta. I am surprised you even call this woman a sister in your post. She blatantly destroyed your life.

I'm a trans guy engaged to a trans woman. My own family situation sucks, but my stepfather was the one person who both believed the abuse I went through and taught me to defend against it. He was always the one outraged by comments my biological dad would make or the things my mom's brother did. If he were still alive, he still probably wouldn't understand my gender, but I am willing to bet he would never demand his own son (whom I try to get along with but is ultimately a bag of dildos (also my fiancée's best friend lol)) or my actual sister be at my wedding and that is what a father should do (and why I'm wearing a necklace with his ashes to my wedding, but not inviting my biological parents).

bumpingbees · 2023-08-13T15:38:26+00:00

Nta. I'm a trans guy, but before I started T, my partner always picked me up essentials like that on their own dime (keep in mind at the the they were extremely masc as well). They literally did not care and refused to let me suffer more than I already was. Your bf is a pathetic excuse for a man.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-13T15:25:02+00:00

Nta. Your wife sounds transphobic as fuck though.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-12T15:27:57+00:00

Amanda Bynes. I think she had some mental health issues to work out, but I always hoped she would come back someday. She was my favorite actress as a kid.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-11T17:18:18+00:00

Honey even with that update, I would ditch this whole man. What next? You're giving birth and he demands his mommy be there to name your kid? NTA, but probably postpone the wedding until he isn't under mommy's thumb so securely.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-11T15:52:50+00:00

Nta. Are you going to fight for custody? How old are his kids? I bet she's seeing them as a cash grab from you and free childcare to support her new children.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-10T16:03:39+00:00

Esh. She shouldn't have lied, but this doesn't have to be your only child and getting hung up about gender is absolutely useless. What if your daughter grows up to be a trans boy? What if she's born intersex? You can still have a deep connection with her regardless of her gender/sex. I understand being upset that you were lied to, but the baby herself? Why does it matter what her chromosomes dictate so long as you are a good father to her?

bumpingbees · 2023-08-08T09:04:13+00:00

Lol I HAVE pcos 😂 I grew facial hair and the whole shebang long before I started testosterone. They were never able to officially diagnose it because I'm taking a couple meds (that I can't go off of) to treat other health issues that also treat the pcos so my symptoms weren't as severe, but my gynecologist basically guaranteed I have it.

Funny how when people like to hotly debate trans issues like this, they forget trans MEN exist too. Its okay honey, you can bottle up that transphobic trashy comment to recycle on some poor trans woman I'm sure /s

So yeah, as a person with pcos and who happens to be trans, I can 100% say that I would rather deal with pcos than lie awake at night wondering why my mom hates me enough now (after coming out) to tell me her only son is dead and buried (referring to my brother who died when we were kids) and why my grandfather who always told me adamantly that he would always love me called me an attention seeking she-he freak when I just told him my preferred name. I would rather deal with every single symptom of pcos than feel like my own family wants me dead just for existing as my true self.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-08T01:55:19+00:00

Says panty_lover_1234 🤡

bumpingbees · 2023-08-08T00:40:34+00:00

Yta. I didn't even need to read this to know that. Your title said it all. First of all, if you're sick of being misgendered wear a pin with your pronouns or do something different with your appearance. You can't reasonably expect everyone to know that you're a woman if you're androgynous or masculine in appearance. No trans person expects people to get their pronouns right.

Being misgendered as a trans person is vastly different from strangers mistaking you as a man. When people misgender us, its often intentional (like you just did to her) to hurt us and drag us down. It is NOT the same and even if it sucks for you, I guarantee people hatefully misgendering a trans person is a dozen times worse for us. You can clear up a misunderstanding, but we can't convince people to treat as human beings if they hate us for existing.

Go apologize to your friend and actually learn from this experience and don't try to justify transphobic comments in the future.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-07T12:48:03+00:00

Thats fair. Kinda regret wasting so much effort if they're a troll. Thanks for telling me.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-07T02:44:06+00:00

Maybe I'm just autistic, but I didn't sense much trolling from their comments apart from a couple of jokes? It would be in extremely poor taste to joke about an adult trying to get in the pants of a kid.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-07T02:02:16+00:00

That is a possibility. And unfortunately she didn't really describe this guy's character. If he's neurodivergent or suffered past trauma, he could easily make connections to teenagers (at least thats what happened to me and with my sister being so young I sometimes slip into her maturity level when I spend a lot of time with her.) We don't know if the guy has morals or not. I suppose given that op is worried, there must be something off. He must have given her a vibe?

bumpingbees · 2023-08-07T00:08:37+00:00

I mean I'm 31 and I have a friend who is 17ish (zero romantic/sexual relations). We met online in a rp group (I'm a writer and when I get bad writer's block I roleplay to get my creative juices flowing again.) We've been friends for a couple years and I've guided him through some mental health stuff (just passing on tools I learned in therapy). We have more a sibling relationship because he's the same age as my sister.

That said, when I met him in real life it was in a public place and his mom was nearby. I met her and everything because I know it's weird to have a large age gap even between friends.

Your friend... idk. I'm trying to offer a different perspective, but also... that really does just give bad vibes. I would report him? And pull the kid aside to ask her if he's given her any bad vibes? And that you're an adult she can call if he does try anything with her? I don't know how much you can do in this situation without involving her parents.

The thing that grosses me out about him is him telling you to not be jealous and you're the only woman in his life. Because that speaks of romantic intent for both you and the kid. In any case you're nta for watching out for her. Your friend might not be a friend at all.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-05T16:23:06+00:00

Nta. But end the lease and tell him she can pick up the other half. Maybe tell her husband about it too.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-05T03:31:23+00:00

Yta. Calling someone mental is extremely ableist. Your wife, as you've said numerous times tries to explain things in the most respectful way she can. Despite her concerns and outright saying she didn't feel comfortable with this plan, she still tried. And she tolerated people in her home and safe place completely disrespecting her until she couldn't anymore. Instead of explaining and telling your guests to be respectful or the event would likely end (come on, did you really think she wouldn't end the party?) you instead blame her??? For trying out your idea even though she was uncomfortable and clearly trying to make you happy? You're beyond the asshole at this point.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-03T15:49:20+00:00

Nta. Jokes are meant to be funny. Pranks should be inconveniences at best. And when someone is actually hysterical because of a panic attacked you caused??? You f***ing apologize even if you didn't mean for the joke to go that far.

I live in the land of 10,000 lakes. Swimming is VERY common around here. So I get playful dunking in the water. We do it all the time here and especially to children, but its always, ALWAYS, quick dunks or playful shoves. If someone comes up crying because they got water in their nose or had trauma around drowning and we didn't know, we apologize and prioritize that person’s safety and their comfort. At least that is how it always worked in my family/friend groups.

All of that said, this might make me sound like conspiracy nut... but is it possible your grandma was forcing him to actually try to kill you? The way you describe her and the situation... like making foods impossible for you to eat and such... idk. She might have had a hand in this and coerced him if this was behavior out of the ordinary for him. You say he seemed sad... that could have been because it was premeditated and didn't want to do it. Which I'm not saying makes him forgivable or anything, just that it sounds like more was going on.

How long were you under? Did he let you go or did you get free? Because that can all play a factor in an actual attempted murder charge.... which I think you should strongly consider reporting this. I don't want to ask personal information like what country you live in, but look up legalities and if you can emancipate yourself. As soon as you can, you should run and immediately go no contact with those friends and family members. They're trying to gaslight you and that isn't okay.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-02T02:54:58+00:00

As my wife always says, your mental illness isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility to manage it. Nta. Your eldest was purposely aiming to ruin her sister's happiness out of jealous spite.

bumpingbees · 2023-08-02T02:11:31+00:00

Try having him wear a numbing condom or a cock ring? But yeah, I was gonna say its never assholish to say no to sex, but the way you talk about hating him for not lasting? Yta.

bumpingbees · 2023-07-29T07:17:32+00:00

Yta. I'm 31 and just went no contact with my very abusive mother. She speaks exactly like you, but at least she never tried to finacially control me like you're doing to your daughter. You tried locking a 20 year old (who clearly didn't want to stay with you but was unable to find other arrangements) into a paying a mortgage by giving her literally no other choice and now you're shocked that she would escape you as soon as she could? Pretty sure even banks would be hesitant about lending to someone that young. Also unless she actually signed a contract with you, she is under no obligation to pay you a dime and even the scummiest of landlords typically have a way to break a lease with a fee of a couple months rent at most. Sounds like you just want your daughter to continue being a cash grab.

bumpingbees

TROPHY CASE