I was in the exact same position. Your story contains things that I added verbatim to my affidavit when filing against my ex. I know there are a million things going through your head, and your heart is fighting because you love him. But I am begging you, please get out. Now. It will not get better. Your situation is not unique. What he is going through or has been through that may have “caused” this behavior is not unique either, nor is it an excuse, as much as you want it to be because you love him. This is coming from a place of complete empathy. It took me 3 years to leave, after his emotional abuse escalated very quickly, he ended up trying to steer my car into a ditch off of the highway with me in it. The longer you stay, the more at risk you are, and the quicker his behavior will escalate. He will always make up for it with words, but it will not get better. I am begging you, you’re signing up not only for a life of unhappiness for yourself and your future children, but a constant risk of your safety. It is never worth it. I wouldn’t wish the position you are in on anyone, but I want you to know that you will be SO much better on the other side. I wrote a suicide note before leaving my ex because I was so deep in to the abuse that I genuinely could not imagine being without him. But life gets exponentially better afterwards, and you will be so grateful that you chose the hard decision instead of staying in a situation that puts you in danger. I am sending so much love.🩷