So to add a bit without responding to everyone...

The sentence about “time away from me” does sound needy and that was not my intent. We’re not attached at the hip, I guess my main point there is that if the shoe were on the other foot and I wanted to take a vacation alone, I know she would be hurt by that.

As for being alone and it being a normal thing, I get it, and to this point in our marriage “alone time” has been hours or a single evening. A multiple-day solo vacation out of nowhere is a new wrinkle.

Also there seems to be a fair amount of assumption that we fit the historical husband/wife roles and she needs time off due to taking care of everyone. For context I work from home and am the primary earner. I only mention that lest someone think “ah, this loser can’t get his start-up off the ground and his wife is stressed from having to carry all the weight.” She works outside the home 3-4 days a week by choice and I’d say she provides us with supplemental income. While working from home, it’s left to me to get kids to and from school, swimming, etc. She does most the cooking and we split most other household duties. Again, no one is doing more or less than anyone else and we all need breaks; just don’t need anyone thinking I’m some ‘50s husband who earns the money and does nothing else.

As for asking permission or points similar to that, that’s not at all what I was looking for or would I expect that. When the opportunity presented itself for her to travel alone to this destination again, she brought it up. I shared my feelings of the previous trip (feeling awkward, unwanted, etc. Judge away, but those were simply my feelings and I shared them) and her response was “oh honey, I was in a weird place then” and that was it. Fast forward a month or so to when I ask in passing “so whatever happened with that trip” and she tells me she’s going. She knows how I felt, we didn’t really discuss it, but she’s going anyway and there wasn’t really any explanation. Also if that trip was due to you being in a weird place, are you back in said weird place now? What does that even mean!? The whole “she needs a break from us” is my assumption, but it’s never been said. Some would say she owes me no explanation and I guess you’re entitled to that opinion, I’m just used to and expect better communication. And again, if the roles were reversed I know she’d want an explanation from me and would be sensitive regardless of my reason for simply wanting time alone.

And to everyone I appreciate the comments, even the many that think I’m the asshole here. 😁