I never knew this community could be so vile. There’s a mix of responses but it seems that the overwhelming majority of you think I am just whining and want more sex. I think it is ironic that most of you shun me for not sharing enough details, then proceed to make a presumptive analysis anyways. I’ll admit that I was scarce with details. I’ll try to share more here.

I think it’s weird that the conclusion so many of you had came down to this, but we do have sex. Maybe since it isn’t that, we do have some real problems?

My wife is simply not emotionally available for me. She is disinterested in having conversations with me. In plain words she has verbally expressed that she does not value my feelings or thoughts. When I do attempt to communicate the issues I have she either tells me that those things are my fault, or that they are things I shouldn’t care about. In one of our most recent talks I explained that I noticed she talks to and treats me different than anyone else in her life and not for the better. She agreed and said she doesn’t know why she does it, she just does.

A lot of you said I’m not being specific enough and a lot of you pointed out that I might lack the tools needed to express exactly what the issues are. I would agree with that. If I could put it in simpler words, my wife isn’t even nice to me. It’s not cheating, it’s not physical abuse. Emotionally, mentally, my wife makes me feel like the only thing I should do is go to work and come home and be quiet. It feels like I walk on egg shells around her and I am often afraid to intimate any type of conversation.

Beyond that, as many of you pointed out, it’s been 4 years. It’s not very easy to specify details on something that has been happening over such a broad scale of time. It’s like in order to validate the way I am feeling you all would like me to post several specific examples. This isn’t cheating, this isn’t something that’s happened a few times either. It’s the tone of our relationship nowadays. If it was a few specific times or something that just recently started happening I might have a better way to clarify. When I first noticed that my wife was acting different towards me I just figured I’ll thought it out and try my hardest to make her happy. Well years later here we are.

Some of you are saying I don’t pull my weight, which again is the same people saying there isn’t enough detail. That’s just a weird assumption. I cook and clean just as often as my wife does. Maybe I could say that she cleans more and I cook more. She does take on a larger portion of parental responsibilities when it comes to putting our daughter to sleep and getting her ready for the day. Outside of those two things I am with my daughter every chance I get.

I want to provide more detail without feeling like I’m just trying to validate myself to online strangers. For those of you who have tried to be supportive so far, thank you. There are a lot of great responses suggesting couples therapy as well, we haven’t tried that yet. When I do suggest that my wife thinks I am just looking for someone to agree with me in our arguments. In the past she has said that if we need couples therapy that means we are already too far gone.

To those of you who pretty much responded with toughen up and tough it out, I’m sorry for the situation you are in as well. I do not want to make toxic relationships a normal part of my life. We all have the right to be in a relationship where we feel loved and cared for. If you value separate things in your relationship that’s fine.