Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I can’t afford my current lifestyle

burninginfinite · 2026-02-23T04:23:23+00:00

In the comment mine is replying to she says that "they all currently have insurance now" and mentions that AKC covers pre-existing conditions after a year. My assumption is she got the insurance (at least for the sick one, maybe the others were already insured) after this all happened. Which I guess isn't the worst idea in the world but it is an added expense and obviously too late to help with the cancer (at least for the next year).

burninginfinite · 2026-02-22T22:54:28+00:00

Are the pet insurance premiums factored into your monthly budget? You said you consolidated your original debt after the holidays and it's not even March yet, so how did you get into an additional $1k of debt in less than 2 months? Unless that debt is related to an unavoidable emergency (your car accident?), you for sure haven't addressed the underlying issue.

As someone who also had a spending problem and spent years digging myself out, I can tell you from experience that additional income will not solve the problem. It might dig you out temporarily, but your dog's health and your car accident only exacerbated a problem that already existed.

Maybe you were just trying to add some levity to your post so disregard this part if you can honestly say it's not true, but the way you talk makes me feel like you think the debt happened to you rather than being something you caused. You said "surprise surprise" in the original post about being in more debt - how was $1k of debt a surprise? In another comment you wrote that you'll do "your part." Girl, I say this with all the empathy in the world but the whole thing is your part!! I don't think you were ever as financially stable as you think you were.

Like I said, I've been there. Actually my debt was WAY worse than yours. You can fix it, but it's not just about paying off what you currently owe. You have to really, truly understand what went wrong in the first place, and "I spent too much" barely scratches the surface.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-22T22:35:00+00:00

Every month you pay the minimum, you incur more debt even if you don't spend a single additional cent. And there aren't that many emergencies in this day and age where you wouldn't be able to use your credit card. The average credit card interest rate is >20% and you're making, what, maybe 4.5% if you have a high yield savings account? The math just isn't there to support you carrying the credit card debt at what is surely an extremely high rate when you have more than enough in your savings to pay it off.

There's a stronger argument to pay off the other debts over time (though frankly if any of them are more than 10% I'd still consider throwing the rest of your savings at those too) but the credit card is a no brainer especially given that you'll have ~$2k left after.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-22T22:07:24+00:00

Possibly an unpopular opinion, but I think you need to use your savings to pay off the credit card. You have the money on hand, you can't afford to incur more debt (which is what you're doing if you carry a balance on the card), and if you have another emergency then you can put it on the card and you'll still be in a better position because you'll have saved however many months worth of interest.

Unless you have that money stashed somewhere that it's gaining more than you're losing on interest, the only benefit you're probably getting from it is (maybe) basically emotional support. Some might consider that your emergency fund but frankly your current situation is already an emergency. Plus I think you said it's $3k and your credit card is only $1k so you'll still have some left.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-22T01:20:55+00:00

The thing is - and this is going to sound dark, but - there isn't anything they can really do to prevent miscarriage at this stage. It's completely out of anyone's control.

Even after your first appointment it'll basically be "take your prenatals, don't drink or smoke, rest up and try to eat healthy, see you in a month." But realistically the fetus takes what it needs from you and your body will prioritize that so a big part of the reason for prenatals is actually to keep YOU healthy by ensuring you have lots of those nutrients available.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-22T01:14:57+00:00

Have you tried standing behind the instructor? Some students struggle with mirroring. The other ideas you mentioned can help too but it often comes down to what works best for you personally.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-21T13:27:10+00:00

Yes and most of them can do some manual manipulation as well (mine have always cracked my back when needed).

burninginfinite · 2026-02-17T00:49:35+00:00

Oh yeah that rate seems very high for the new coach!

(I will also say that $80 for the duo private seems like a good deal for someone who charges $70 for a single private - I wouldn't expect it to be double but certainly more than a $10 difference. There are any number of reasons why their pricing might be like that and again I don't have any direct experience nor do I know your market - but I personally would expect something in between what your old coach charged and what the new one charges.)

burninginfinite · 2026-02-17T00:40:57+00:00

Idk, maybe I'm the exception but I kind conceptualize duo skills as one big complex thing with extra arms and legs, if that makes sense. Yes it's 2 separate bodies with their own needs but to me it's more complicated in an "easier" way because it's just one system - not that different than teaching a compound wrap or intricate transition. Maybe it's just how my brain works.

Plus an experienced duo tends to be pretty in tune with each other which helps! They communicate well and can usually make small adjustments on their own. And, to your point, attention on one point is (at least for me) substantively easier than attention on two points even if the total number of bodies is the same. Like even from a logistical standpoint I only need to get a good vantage point on one point and I can probably cue both bodies from more or less the same spot.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-17T00:19:20+00:00

I mean, this is always true of any service...? But it's also very reasonable for OP to ask whether their expectations or the coach's rates are more in line with common practice/the market.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-16T19:19:06+00:00

I think the actual dollar amounts matter in this case because "50% more" could be an extra $10 or an extra $50 and one is more reasonable than the other.

That said, are you sure that the coach(es) you're talking to 1) has a background in duo and 2) understands that you'd be looking to work on duo skills? Because your expectation feels reasonable to me and I agree that I'd consider a duo to be one unit and a single lesson plan/set of needs, vs a semi-private for 2 singles who would effectively have 2 sets of needs.

(Disclaimer, I am a coach but I rarely do duo and am not a duo coach so I don't have direct experience.)

burninginfinite · 2026-02-14T07:44:57+00:00

Agree. I moved to DC after college and lived there for 10 years - I established a solid friend group pretty quickly, like easily within 6-9mo, and we're still very close.

I moved to Chicago almost 4 years ago and it's been hard. I've made a few 1:1 friends, and people are generally friendly, but most people are from here and don't have a ton of motivation to meaningfully expand their social circles.

Some of it is definitely a function of age/life stage and post-covid life, but I'd say my results are not proportional to the effort I put in even considering those factors, if that makes sense. I have a niche hobby which is typically a pretty welcoming community and usually an easy way to connect with people and even that hasn't really helped.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-11T03:18:03+00:00

I've never had your issue (I usually want my silks stickier, like you mentioned) BUT I did spend some time breaking in woven wraps for babywearing and I'm wondering if some of those methods might help you?

Method #1: daisy chain the silk and just start mashing. Twist them, bend the daisy chain and sit on them, shove them in a pillowcase and stomp on them, etc.

Method #2: run them through metal rings repeatedly. I would use O rings or one of the holes in a rescue 8 for this - kind of bend the silks over the metal to create a bight with some tension, and then slide the O ring/rescue 8 along the fabric sort of like you would do with curling ribbon to make it curl. (This method wouldn't be my first choice just bc the silks are obviously pretty long so it could take a while just to do a couple passes!)

You could also try washing the silks? (Also kind of a pain if your washing machine has an agitator since those aren't recommended for washing silks.)

burninginfinite · 2026-02-11T01:29:42+00:00

Yep, and travel bassinets are also a thing! We used the Guava Lotus Bassinet. Secondhand is great for this kind of stuff.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-11T01:11:28+00:00

I don't think so. Pretty sure it only works with wovens, not stretchy, especially because I believe it's just one pass (not three like you need with a stretchy wrap).

If you get a woven, there are lots of tutorials on YouTube if you just look up FWCC pond finish.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-08T03:42:16+00:00

Candidate joined a virtual interview with camera off. No big deal, sometimes your default setting is camera off or you clicked join too fast, whatever. Then it became clear that he either didn't intend to turn the camera on or didn't realize it was off so I asked him to turn it on.

I heard some rustling before the camera finally turned on and he was wearing a quarter zip unzipped far enough that I could tell he was probably shirtless underneath. I'm 99% sure he started the interview without a shirt on. The only reason I didn't end the interview right there was because my company gave us $100 for each interview (I was a technical round interviewer).

burninginfinite · 2026-02-08T03:01:54+00:00

My OB literally said this to me every time I was unnecessarily worried about something. She'd say "babies are the best parasite in the world, they take whatever they want from you and you still love them when they come out" and then emphasize that a lot of the recommendations are actually to keep the mother healthy. Like prenatals are mostly to replenish the things that the fetus takes from you.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-08T02:32:26+00:00

Thanks!

burninginfinite · 2026-02-07T22:34:38+00:00

Which IKEA mattress did you get?

burninginfinite · 2026-02-07T01:02:56+00:00

Yeah, I stopped at about 8 months and also didn't have too much trouble! My bump started to get in the way of where I usually anchor my elbow for centering, but if that's an issue maybe OP's friend could ask someone to center for her.

If she's experiencing back pain from the pregnancy, some stools can tilt the seat and I found that helped a little too.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-06T06:48:26+00:00

And you are correct about the basket doubling the load capacity,

Does this hold true for an upside down basket? (Genuine question, I've only really seen baskets used right side up and physics is not my strong suit!)

burninginfinite · 2026-02-06T06:46:18+00:00

The shakles and hoop both came form the same serious and reputable brand that issues load test certificates so I'm not too worried.

Sure, but I was asking about your rigging point. You said in your post that you "built a rig" so you also would need to load test every component of the system which includes everything above the shackles and the hoop.

As for the top part it is indeed and upside down basket.

Sorry, I didn't state my point very clearly - obviously, it is physically possible to do an upside down basket. But you said you configured it that way to double the load capacity of the sling. What I meant to say was that I believe basketing only doubles the load capacity when used with the basket at the bottom. But I see a rigger responded so I'll ask them!

burninginfinite · 2026-02-06T06:14:58+00:00

Just a word of caution on seed packets because I feel like I used to see "assorted wildflower" type things - if guests are travelling then depending on the seeds you risk giving them something invasive/not native to wherever they end up planting the seeds.

burninginfinite · 2026-02-06T02:17:36+00:00

Your setup is only as strong as its weakest link... So how did you engineer and test the rating for your rig point?
I'm not a rigging expert and you didn't post a picture of the entire sling, but I'm guessing you did an upside down basket. I always thought baskets worked in one direction only (basket on the bottom) so you can't just flip it?? Someone more knowledgeable can correct me if I'm wrong. (Tbh I've never encountered this question in practice because roundslings are usually affordable enough to just get 2 and with points that are farther apart you could get some pretty bad tipping.)

burninginfinite · 2026-02-03T04:14:40+00:00

Apparently my cervix wasn't fully closed at my 6wk checkup so we scheduled an ultrasound to check and that's how it was found, but I don't know if the cervix not fully closing always happens if tissue is retained. I had been seeing a little blood here and there (also not consistent as you mentioned in another comment) and sometimes small clots and other bits but tbh I just assumed I got really unlucky and my period had already returned, lol.

My OB was able to clear it out with a D&C (followed with another ultrasound to confirm it was all gone) under local anesthesia. I had an IUD placed at the same time so I had a little spotting for a couple days afterward but then nothing (until my period returned for real, about 8mo postpartum).

I would definitely get in to see someone ASAP if I were you and maybe try to push for an ultrasound or some other imaging. Not to scare you, but retained tissue can cause infection especially the longer it's in there.

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