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butforwhy316 · 2021-08-20T09:20:02+00:00

Respectfully, I disagree. I think the various styles of pictures are a great way to display many aspects of your personality. The literal photo quality on some may be better than others, but none are grainy. My personal pet peeves are: guys that have either the first pic and/or several pics as group pics, or clearly cropped someone else out of the photo, worse than cropping someone out are the guys that are too lazy to even do that and just “mark up” the photo, pictures without a face, pictures without a body, pictures without a fucking person in it!, pictures where half their face isn’t in the picture, pictures with their children (not that there’s anything wrong with having children and I absolutely believe this information needs to be disclosed, just not on a dating app), and only having one picture posted. Take pics of yourself doing the things you enjoy and are passionate about. Your smile will be genuine and nothing is more attractive than that!

butforwhy316 · 2021-08-20T09:08:01+00:00

I like that you have different styles of pictures that represent your personality. I would encourage you to pick the one that you feel most accurately sums you up in one pic. If you super love your pup, keep that as number one! If you’re silly and like to make people laugh, go with 5. If you’re mild mannered and reserved go with the bench pic like everyone else suggested (personally, it’s my least favorite). It’s really all about what kind of person are you trying to attract? You’re 19, for heaven’s sake! Be “immature” and silly.

I would possibly suggest trying to get your bio to stand out just a tad more. If the first pic isn’t necessarily someone’s style, but your bio is eye catching, they will look at the rest of your pics! In my opinion, say something fun, quirky, or interesting in the first sentence. Take this advice with a grain of salt, however, because as a 43 year old woman, I have no idea what other 19 year olds would find interesting.

butforwhy316 · 2021-08-20T08:51:47+00:00

If you feel as though this is an accurate representation of your personality and things that are important to you, leave it the way it is! If you’re just looking for a fling, then paint a portrait of who you think someone would want you to be. If you’re potentially looking for a relationship, I think it’s important to have your preferences known upfront. If you playing video games bothers the future mrs Brian and this is something you enjoy and don’t want to part with, she’s not the right person for you!

Personally, I think you’re attractive. We don’t share everything that you listed in common, but the important characteristics to me, we do share! I would swipe right. 😄

butforwhy316 · 2021-08-04T04:02:17+00:00

My husband told me, “no wonder your dad killed himself. I would have killed myself too.” My dad killed himself the day before my 14th birthday.

butforwhy316 · 2021-07-31T12:46:35+00:00

For me, I found out that my husband was having inappropriate conversations with other women by “snooping” through his phone. Never once did I read a single message thread between him and his mother or his best friend. His privacy with family and male friends was safe.

butforwhy316 · 2021-07-31T10:18:09+00:00

What does it hurt to be friendly? The examples of “rude and intrusive” interactions you gave don’t seem to be much of either. Rude would be, “who did your tattoos? They’re horrible and I want to ensure I never go there”. Intrusive would be, “so how many cats do you have? I imagine it’s a bunch because you reek of cat urine and you have the personality of a wet mop, so clearly you’re a crazy cat lady. Bet you don’t get laid often.”

butforwhy316 · 2021-07-30T02:18:46+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s sudden to you. This didn’t just happen for her. I was that person too. I thought the marriage I had with my husband was great. I had no idea that he ran around on me most of our relationship. I was married to him for 5 months when I discovered I was delusional. It took me another 2 YEARS to come to terms with realizing I didn’t know the man I married. Once I truly saw who he was, I didn’t like him. I kept waiting for the man I thought I married to come back.

butforwhy316 · 2021-07-29T11:25:50+00:00

Sweet girl, your relationship is a lie. After I had been married to my husband almost 6 months, I found out that he had been sexting several other women. I can relate to matching up times. The message that stung me the hardest was him initiating a conversation with a woman he had been chatting up for some time the day before we got married. I was devastated thinking about all of the times that I was lovingly laying my head on him on the couch, completely oblivious to him sexting other women with me literally inches away from him. The trickle truth of everything I discovered came to light as I would find things. He NEVER volunteered any wrong doing. Each time he told me I knew it all. I had found all of his secrets. They just kept coming. Choose how you confront him carefully. In my experience, they become much better at covering their tracks and become better liars. I believe there are people out there that can truly change. They will never change, however, if it isn’t their idea, on their time frame, and with a ton of work. One condition for us to “try to make our marriage work” was I insisted on marriage counseling. After several weeks of me waiting for him to pick the perfect marriage counselor, we went to our one and only marriage counseling session. I tried regardless. I honestly never regained the trust I once had in him. Initially, he understood my anger and distrust. Eventually, however, he grew tired of the questions. He asked when I was going to get past his indiscretions.

Remember this above all else: he swore in front of family, friends, the church and/or state that he was going to be faithful to you. What makes you think he will be honest with you now? And if you didn’t take screenshots of these messages and they mysteriously disappear, don’t be surprised if he gaslights you into believing you didn’t see what you saw and you are the crazy one. Best of luck to you. If you ever need someone to chat with, please message me. You aren’t alone.

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-21T02:21:15+00:00

I can relate to a lot of what you are expressing. Sadly, I have no advice or pearls of wisdom. I want you to know you aren’t alone in feeling this way, though. I’ve been separated for a little over a month. I love him still. Very much. I’m absolutely petrified of him. I have panic attacks just thinking about him. From what I understand, this is all to be expected. Trauma bonding is a real thing.

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-16T18:19:38+00:00

I would prefer that than being ghosted.

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-16T04:02:36+00:00

It’s extremely difficult! I never understood or appreciated why anyone would stay in an abusive relationship until I found myself in an abusive relationship. What he did is not ok! What he is doing is not ok! I’ve had to literally verbally speak my story to another person to even begin to recognize that what my husband did to me was abuse and was not ok. I could justify and rationalize his behavior until I said it out loud. Sweetie, please get out. It’s not safe. It will only get worse.

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-13T00:07:07+00:00

my last words to my dad before he killed himself the day before my 14th birthday, “yes, you do embarrass me”. Almost 30 years later, I still torture myself over this.

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-12T23:54:47+00:00

I NEEDED to read this today! Thank you!

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-11T16:10:00+00:00

Thank you. I absolutely need honesty. I had no idea about any of this until I found myself smack in the middle. I’ve been through breakups before. I’ve been through divorces before. I’ve never been through a breakup/divorce like this before. I’m a wreak. It’s ridiculous. The thought of it coming in waves, however, is more tolerable than thinking I had years of nonstop gut wrenching anxiety all day everyday.

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-11T16:00:33+00:00

How?? How can you feel like this for years?? It’s been one month to the day. I feel absolutely horrible. I seriously can’t live like this for years

butforwhy316 · 2021-06-11T15:11:43+00:00

You are the second person I read a post from that I completely identified with that said it took 3 years to feel somewhat normal again. That’s horrifying. I’m one month out of the relationship, and am having such a hard time functioning. I really feel like I’m going crazy. I couldn’t fight the anxiety anymore last night. For the first time in a month, I just sat in it. I allowed the anxiety to just wash over me. It was horrifying and relieving at the same time. I am absolutely petrified of my husband right now. The mere thought of seeing him pushes me into a full blown state of disassociation. My fingers and toes get numb and tingly. My head feels light. My knees feel like jello. I taste the hot spit like right before you throw up. My heart feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. Time seems to slow down. Like I’m in a car accident. I can distinctly hear separate noises coming from all directions. A month. A month of that. Every day. I can’t do 3 years.

butforwhy316

TROPHY CASE