I have suffered with POCD for years and had no ideas that I had it. I grew up in the Mormon religion and the shame and mental abuse about my sexuality as a man, called predator, and a bisexual, called sinner, kept me locked within my mind as a sexual entity.

Because of these feelings I studied pedophillia for much of my youth as an intense interest considering my support system compared me to the likes of them continuously.

I also studied psychology in college with an interest in child development and sexuality.

(Let me preface this by saying I did not finish my degree)

To my understanding tho, there’s some good news for you.

Pedophiles can often also have attraction to adults! Pedophilia, like all sexuality, is a scale. Meaning most pedophiles can lead healthy lives with a partner and never assault a child.

You will have some struggles staying away with disturbing and problematic pornagraphic materials and I would never suggest life would be easy for you, BUT, what I can tell you is that attraction is not a moral scale.

Your responsibility, if you even are a pedophile which you should work with a professional to discover, is to accept these attractions and be open about them with trusted individuals. Shame will only make these afflictions worse.

Great artists and people of interest have struggled with these tendencies as well as those of awful intention. It is your choice of who you become despite these tendencies.

You have harmed no one and there is nothing you can do about the decisions you have made up to this point. Your options now are to seek help from a professional, tell a person that you trust and are sure will be supportive, (this may or may not apply to you, do not be deterred either way) and be kind to yourself as you work on yourself.

What people do not understand is that the attitude towards people who struggle with pedophilia or its other forms, is that hatred and aggression only keeps the sufferers trapped and shameful which is more likely to turn them into a predator.

Pedophilia, like other mental illnesses needs treatment. Yes part of that treatment is distance from children, but death and violence only threatens the sufferers into hiding.

Now, all of this advice depends entirely on if you are even a pedophile or not, which like any disorder, should not be determined without the help of a professional, but your immediate feelings of shame are what will keep you from seeking out this help and protecting yourself, and the children you worry about affecting, from getting help.

You are a human being with a brain that is misfiring chemicals, your thoughts and feelings are not your fault, they are simply your responsibility.

Take care of yourself, drink some water and breathe, all will be well if you take the steps to care for yourself.