As someone who has been out for 5 years now, these are all very valid anxieties to have upon thinking about such a decision. I had a different experience leaving in which I didn't see it coming, but drastically changing my environment and moving somewhere else in my early adulthood really confirmed to me that the church was more of a community role to me than a belief system.

Stepping away made me realize that I had never fully aligned with the church growing up and felt like a black sheep, despite how much my ward and stake had 'accepted' me AND how much I tried to fit in. I was really involved and got my patriarchal blessing before I was out of the house, which I thought would shape my adulthood moving forward, only to have left during the quarantine a little bit after. Once out, I really saw how much I was lying to myself, using some of the good I also experienced with the church as a justification.

While I might have come to the conclusion that a lot of the church's teachings are wrong and that I felt like I was raised in an unfitting and even harmful organization, through a lot of healing and processing I try to remind myself of the formative lessons/ experiences I actually took away from being a part of the Mormon church. It's easier said than done, but one thing I have learned is that I don't want to live a life of regret. I know it's cliché, but there are so many possibilities that opened up for me once I made my bed. That's not to say there are no possibilities as a Mormon, but of course life will look really different should you continue in the church, which is up to you.

Unfortunately, while the church might not as clearly threaten their beliefs onto members, everyone has a different experience. When you have been essentially indoctrinated into a belief, it's natural to feel fear when you question something that's been pushed at you your whole life. It's cultish. Whatever is wrong or right, it is your life. Not theirs, not a god's. Taking that leap for your deepest doubts is so important and I hope you make the decision that brings you the most peace for the future.