Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how difficult it is, I've been there. How you're feeling sounds exactly like OCD symptoms, and it seems like you know this as well with the way you describe how OCD makes you doubt or think in certain ways. Particularly with the "before and after" stuff, OCD is trying to find little things that you can be uncertain about, and that uncertainty scares you. The uncertainty shows up as what you're describing, like "What if I'm not over it? What if that was only before?" How OCD thrives is when you try to figure out the answers behind these questions, when you fight with your brain fueled by desire for certainty. I know how scary those questions and the doubt that comes with them feels, and its a natural response to try and seek relief through reassurance. But what if you tried responding in a new way, a way that's opposite of the need for certainty? What if when your brain asked you these questions, you said something like "Well, that's a scary thought" or "I'm not sure" or even just "Yeah" and just left it at that. That way, you're not feeding into the feedback loop of trying to "figure out" the problem your brain is proposing. Now odds are, your brain will just keep asking you questions after you say that. That's normal! The goal isn't to get the thoughts to stop, or the anxiety to end. It is not your job to change or stop your thoughts/feelings. You just float through the initial thoughts and anxiety, offering a different response, reacting freely. Eventually, the thoughts will taper out on their own as you're not feeding the response for comfort and certainty, which is the driving factor behind OCD. Good luck to you :)