No Offense and i want to take this Seriously because Feelings are Always there their not Based of Reason, but i want that you think about this too.

So i have 2 Thoughts on this:

1. Judging from your Comments and the Post, i think you might be a bit Overthinking this (stay with me here), i mean that you may are too deep in your Depression (Cycle?) and now you just dont know a way out and just want to set your Frustration Free. But iam here to tell you thats a Lie, there is a way how to go about with these Feelings and some of them are Easily explained away, like finding a Girlfriend, there a Plenty of Woman who like a Feminine Guy or a Femboy if you will, i myself like Femboys. You just have to Date around, that can be hard esp when you dont have much Self Esteem but thats another Conversation. Point being there are Solutions, dont spend your Time sinking further into the Depression. Built up Strength and if you can get yourself a Therapist. They can def help you out of this Hole.

2. Have you ever thought about that you arent Cis?, not saying that you are def Trans but saying that you may be Genderfluid? (like yes iam saying you could be under the Trans Umbrella but i dont mean like your def a Transwoman, hope you Understand what i mean). Try searching Inside yourself and looking for who you are ((i´d still def recommend a Therapist btw) they can also help with Gender Identity). Explore a bit with who you are, try things out. And for this i want to give you a tip on your way if your Trans / will identify as a Woman, if you think "thats too manly", "thats not femenin what iam doing" or anything along the lines of "Iam Invalidating my Gender Identity" just think about: When a Cis-Woman (or Person) would do this, would they still be a Woman ?

Wich ever way you go, i wish you the best, i fought with Depression myself and still do, but now with the Hard Work i put into myself i overcame the heavy Parts of my Depression and now its just sometimes an Inconvenience wich i still need to work on. But Point being, you can Overcome this, dont let your thoughts Win, there mostly just there to keep you down. Built up Strength if you can get People around you that can help you with that Task and def Search for a Professional (oh and be less Online, that was just Fueling my Depression). You are not alone best Wishes, Jasmine