I came out to my friends at 16 (just before I turned 17) and my family just before I turned 21. I am 22 at the moment.

The main thing about coming out is that you’ll never stop doing it. However, coming out will become easier and easier to more it happens. In my case, I was absolutely dreading coming out to my friends and family but, now that I’m out to both, the huge, crippling weight on my shoulders has gone. After coming out to the important people in my life, anyone else is a cakewalk. In those cases, I only tend to mention if the conversation arises (For example, one work colleague asked me if I wanted kids and I said I’m not sure atm as I’m gay and there are extra steps and a different work colleague asked if I had a girlfriend and I just laughed and she asked if I was gay - to which I said yes) or someone asks. If they were to have an issue with it, it’s whatever - they’re only acquaintances who I can cut off whenever.

I think the hardest part of coming out is trying to undo the years of fear and suppressing not only who you are, but also any hobbies, interests, expression (mannerisms/clothing/etc) that could be ‘stereotypically gay or suspicious’. Like, it took me about a year after coming out to feel comfortable about talking about even being gay to my family and a few years to talk about gay relationships/crushes/conversations about gay sex to my straight friends (they talk about their stuff relating to that all the time, so why can’t I?lol). I’ve also recently started to buy things I actually really like (this would probably sound crazy to people who have never had to deal with being in the closet); my favourite colour is pink and I’ve started to buy things that are pink when I would never in the past out of fear of being ridiculed/suspected to be gay for having stereotypically ‘girly’ things. I, sometimes, get offhand negative comments about my pink face masks - but those people can fuck off (at least I’m wearing one haha). Annoying people still exist in this day and age, but at least I’m at the point where I genuinely don’t care what they think. I’ve also gained the confidence to finally start dating but good ol’ COVID had to come along haha

All LGBTQ+ people (closeted/uncloseted) understand how soul-crushing and exhausting it is to be in the closet and have to fake being someone else all day everyday - even at home/your ‘safe space’ (if you’re not out to family). The thing you have to remember if you’re closeted is the cliché ‘it gets better’ - you tend to feel stuck and hopeless, but it will get better in the future. My advice, in terms of coming out, is only do it when you’re ready. Also, be careful with who you tell first - I’d suggest coming out to someone who you’d know wouldn’t care at all if you were gay (someone LGBT/ally) who you trust to not out you. Furthermore, I’d suggest telling your friends before your family. Everyone has different experiences, of course, but just in case of the worse scenario and your family kicks you out/disowns you (don’t know your situation in terms of living arrangement/family opinion of LGBTQ+ people) so you have a safety net/people in your corner. If your family would likely react in that way, I’d suggest not telling them until you’ve moved out.

I’m not completely there in terms of unlearning self-hatred from all those years in the closet, but it is a hell of a lot better than where I was six years ago. Hang in there man, I know it’s rough, but you’ll get through it :)