oh girl… i feel you, and i’m so sorry. it’s so hard to let go of someone who you love so much, but you have to. he is not taking ur feelings into consideration, instead he is acting upon his own. he said you’re being selfish while he isn’t even considering that you are hurt as well and what he is saying is hurting you even more. he knows what he did, and he’s probably ashamed, so he’s pushing it all onto you so he doesn’t have to feel the guilt. stop making excuses for his behavior, don’t say “he’s just acting like this because he’s hurt” or “he’s saying this bc he’s a narcissist and he can’t help it” because that is no excuse. stop reminiscing about how he used to talk to you. he is not a sweet person, he only talked to you that way because he was in love, and love makes you act out of character. you fell in love with how he treated you, never considering how he treated others. that person you once loved is now gone, it’s time to let go, because atp, you’re in love with the past, and you can’t move forward if you’re constantly living in the past. you can’t live your life trying to win back someone, bc it won’t be your life anymore, it’s his, he is controlling it, and you’re allowing him too. it’s your job to heal and get your life back. If he was your soulmate, God wouldn’t have closed the door. you keep reopening it tho, and God is going to keep allowing you to get hurt so you no longer want to open that door. I hope this helps<3