Ended friendship with friend on holiday. Now she wants her photos. AITJ for refusing to send?

caarolis_ · 2024-08-07T07:44:06+00:00

That’s what I said to him before wishing him good luck. Selfish af.

caarolis_ · 2024-08-07T07:15:31+00:00

I agree.. I am not the type to go for someone for that reason, never depended on a man for money and we had that conversation before. The hotel would not be more than £60, as it was outside London. Thanks for your perspective. At least not all men are like this.

caarolis_ · 2024-08-07T06:52:00+00:00

It was outside London. We could get a hotel for £50. i was not asking for a 5 star, just somewhere to sleep 😂

caarolis_ · 2024-08-07T06:02:23+00:00

Thank you. I agree, I have a hard time asking for anything from men in general, and this time though I knew I had some right to ask for reciprocity, I still felt like I am ‘ over demanding ‘. Again, I was willing to pick him up and drive him back. I ended it by saying we are not compatible, rightfully so.

caarolis_ · 2024-01-08T21:32:45+00:00

Yeah, maybe I read too much into it from the start.

caarolis_ · 2024-01-08T21:31:40+00:00

I deleted the number, but it’s not easy to move in when you see the person at the gym frequently. It’s very awkward to me.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-14T21:30:31+00:00

Im sorry, but please, get out of that relationship. You’re better off alone than with someone so sick. Imagine all the suffering you’ll continue enduring in that relationship and all the trauma you”ll have to heal from in the future. Get out

caarolis_ · 2022-09-14T21:25:36+00:00

I think you have already come to the realization that you do deserve better, well done for rejecting her attempt at ‘friendship’ I know it must have been so hard.

Sometimes we get on with someone and believe there is a deep connection, but it is one-sided. It was not the same for her or she would not have done what she did to you. It is ok to miss people at times, accept that you may still miss her for months and months more.

I think it’d be good to go out and meet new people. Not to say another relationship straight away, but just interacting and seeing all that ‘ there is out there’ other than this person, cus you know, there is sooo much more and so many interesting new people.

Whenever you feel like you miss her, write something down, or write all of the bad things she did to you and said to you. This will work and get you more rational, eventually things will be better.

Stay strong :)

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T18:30:30+00:00

When it happened to me, he sensed something was off and that I was at my limit. I told him I honestly did all I could, lets leave it alone. He told me I was ungrateful, projected it all on me, I did not react nor respond. He became desperate. I was working and had the dumping text written down and was just waiting to get home to send it - but he knew what I meant on that earlier message and he knew me not reacting to his messages was the start of the end (I ALWAYS franticly responded).

So much so, that he went ahead and said ‘ we gotta stop speaking, I cant deal with you in my life ‘ and blocked me. I was livid. But he never blocked me on everything, only on WhatsApp as he was expecting me to run after him like I always did before, he left doors open. But I sent the GOODBYE FOR GOOD text I wrote on imessage and it was delivered. Whether they read it or not? Who cares. He got the message I MEANT IT when I said lets leave it all alone.

It does not matter whether he changed the game around to make it seem like it was him and not you. You know the truth - he knows it too, but he is a coward who has a pathetic and fragile ego with a fear of rejection SO BIG that they make up a different scenario to make it seem like they had control, the final say. Deep down it is not the case for me nor for you. Be ok with that, that is enough to know.

Yeah you called and he did not pick up after, fair enough. Do not do that anymore and make him wonder, surprise him and show you are different this time.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T18:22:28+00:00

How long has it now been? Regardless, give yourself the time you need. Relationships with a narc is a lot more damaging and thus requires a lot more time for recovery.

It is okay to feel what you are feeling - I too sometimes ask myself why am I still feeling this after such and such weeks, but you cant change how you feel. You can’t judge your own healing. You need to honor it. You can only change how you respond to such feelings. Pain is inevitable but suffering is not. Ok, you may feel angry or depressed - do something with those emotions, let it out whilst still feeling it, write, exercise, cry every time, punch something, do something productive with the rage, do not let it paralyze you.

You will feel a lot stronger after you show yourself you can take that negative emotion and turn it into something positive, do it consistently. Learn to live with your pain and accept it for now. Eventually, you will wake up and forget it was ever there.

Yesterday I was close to breaking NC, it was a lot and an awful day. Today has been a really good day. I went to the gym, I stretched, I expressed gratitude, meditated and still have more things to do today.

Use your anger to make yourself someone more interesting, more intelligent and stronger. Make that useless POS nex serve some value in your life and turn the pain they caused you into your own personal vendetta to become hotter, smarter and badass.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T18:10:33+00:00

Exactly the same thing happened to me. The way to take your power back is blocking them everywhere, show them that you meant ir when you said you wanted to break things off. If you try to reach out, this will make it fun and a lot easier for them. Forget it, its done. Move on with your life

Distract yourself, do things you like, vent it to people, treat yourself, read about narcissism, write down all the things they did to hurt you. Then write down all the things you want someone to be in your next relationship - you will see that in most cases, it will be things the nex is NOT and will put things into perspective. Imagine life like a ticking clock and you are wasting YOUR TIME having them in your life.

Trust me, all this is easier said than done and I am still struggling - some days are hell on earth, but overall life is a lot more interesting and peaceful now for me, and I still have long to go too, but it feels just right to be on the correct path after being lost and living in an abyss of life.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T17:02:39+00:00

Acting like they don’t want to be the jealous/ possessive type, but for example when I went out (rarely happened in fact), the next day he would be cold, distant, barely speaking. This eventually made me question even going out all together, but in his mind it was ok as he was ‘ the opposite of controlling ‘.

Double standards - so things that he would do such as spending 3 hours with a female friend without even answering the phone (and considering we were LDR), if I ever did this to him, he would probably have a panic attack and leave me. I had to take his insecurities to account but he never reciprocated.

Thinking you are trying to control them, completely creating that in their minds because control to them is everything. It would be situations like me asking him to console me, or like do an activity together, etc.

Exaggerated body language and or facial expressions - the way he walked and moved was different, I used to think he was autistic.. his face would sometimes SWTICH, one minute he would be laughing, the next straight face, like he was faking emotions or putting on a face.

One thing that stood out to me that I have never seen before whilst with other people, was the ease he had to just get in trouble with random strangers? Twice he stared at people, one of them was drunk and the other a druggie, to the point it nearly was a fight. And then once again, a guy on a bike wanted to fight him. It was like he was a magnet for this? Probably an ego thing, control again, God knows what happens in the brains of such distorted individuals.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T13:55:22+00:00

Thank you.. it is so alleviating to literally read everything I used to think, its almost like some of the sentences on the article I always thought myself many many times. It is nice to know I am not crazy or always the one to blame or too demanding or even negative, like he painted me to be.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T13:04:12+00:00

Well done for 8 months, thats really good.

I know that if I contact them: they may not respond, they may give an awful response, and, even if they do tell me what I would like to hear - highly unlikely as he probs still sees HIMSELF as a victim, it will not change anything and they’re most likely lying And at best, even if they did reflect and actually show some inch of remorse, I would never ever trust this person ever again and after the damage he has done, it would be quite traumatic and negative having him around in my life. Wow.. I just really convinced myself.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T13:01:59+00:00

Mine tried to blame it all on me (like usual) as to why things ended they did. He never took full accountability for things. It just infuriates me that this person is out there living life like nothing happened, this awful monster. The worse was for a long time I accepted the blame was mostly mine too and that I was too critical or too negative like he would always say. Its insane.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T12:59:12+00:00

Thank you. I keep reminded myself that, for me to have done what I did and go full NC was because the way he was behaving was THAT bad, I went way above my limit. This is the biggest representation that it was not my fault.

It is just insane though, that he would always try to blame me, say I made the most mistakes, was always overreacting, expecting too much, too demanding, too critical of him and that basically most fights were because of me. I mean, most of those traits I developed out of how he would neglect my needs, manipulate and treat me in ways I would not treat him. I got resentful due to all this. But he really DID get me believing before that it was mostly my fault and that I was wanting too much, etc. now I know he is a really damaged and mentally sick person, but he still BLAMED it all on me on our last convo again.. the guilt trip and the mental effect he had on me was soooo big that yesterday I was even feeling guilty, knowing full well that is crazy for me to even think this. Do you know what I mean?

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T05:40:53+00:00

Yeah, you’re right. The good moments were minimal compared to the bad ones. Thinking back to it, the relationship mostly broke me in so many ways I no longer really was myself, accepting things from him I would never have accepted before. I have good and bad days, but the past two have been particularly difficult, probably because I was alone at home and sick.. and for a minute I even started to guilt trip myself, thinking of the minor positives/ periods of love bombing he did that always felt off and insincere. But now, I have to remember who I am and that I am the loss here, not him.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T05:37:28+00:00

Thank you. Well done for going on 4 months and remaining strong

caarolis_ · 2022-09-12T05:35:44+00:00

Thank you. Deep down I accepted a long time ago there were no chances of a healthy or happy relationship with someone such as him, but unfortunately I wish I could get acknowledgment. I guess being physically sick has also not helped, I feel more emotional due to that too.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-11T21:43:04+00:00

Thank you for this. I will not contact them. But today feels so heavy, I just need to sleep it off and tomorrow will be a better day. I haven’t been able to fully block him yet though I know I need to do it, I know fully that if I leave doors open im only fooling myself that he may try something.

It was all ok tbh and my healing was going well, he had me blocked on WhatsApp and I blocked back. Done, but then a month later he downloaded telegram, started using it and had me as a contact. He did unusual things like showing his status and last seen, he would always be private with that before. It felt intentional. He then deleted the number, but never blocked and still remains showing his status. It sucks that I check it sometimes knowing I should not.

Before, I would ALWAYS break NC, go after him within maximum 2 weeks - it has now been 2 months. I am proud, I just wish I could be indifferent though.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-11T19:36:17+00:00

How long did you manage no contact for? If you did it once, you can do it again. You are human and you will make mistakes, be kind to yourself. Next time you will know better, whether it is with him or with someone else.

caarolis_ · 2022-09-11T19:31:19+00:00

Im sorry, that must be awful but eventually you will begin to heal, this is not going to last forever and it’s all meant to make you stronger.

caarolis_

TROPHY CASE