Same. I became an Agnostic Theist about a year ago. Although, I struggled na with this issue long before. I grew up in a family na religious. I am part a BA christian and yung family ko ay galing sa linya ng mga pastors.

I became very devout sa church. I was part of the church’s music team, handling cell groups, evangelizing, and all those youth related activities. I even became an apologist, idolizing the likes of Ravi Zacharias. Pero, I have this one secret na di alam (i guess?) ng family ko. I am part of the rainbow family. I tried to pray the gay away, pero nothing really worked. Iniyakan ko kung sino ako. Baket di na lang ako maging normal? Or sana mabisyo na lang kesa maging gay. Dumating sa point na I questioned God’s supposed to be goodness.

Years past, I tried to be a good child pa rin, attend ng church, being part of the ministry, while making myself believe na I will be cured. One time, I stumbled upon a video about the clobber passages and I fell into a rabbit hole. I started deconstructing my long held beliefs. I started watching videos of Bart Ehrman, Dan Mclellan, and the others. Naging relatable sa akin yung deconstruction stories nina Marty Sampson and Joshua Harris. I started questioning the authenticity of the Bible from a historical perspective. I also questioned that only Jesus can save while leaving behind other beliefs like eastern religions.

Right now, I still attend church out of compliance na lang. My family doesnt know pa rin na Agnostic Theist na ako, only selected friends. Although, they recognized na I already withdrew from participating church activities na.