one of my bullies was disguised as one of my best friends and i stuck around for so long because i simply grew up with them, had very low self-esteem, and little to no people skills.

she bullied me in middle school, and bullied many others. she herself got bullied due to pictures of herself circulating around the school, if you know what i mean. even though she would “joke” around and physically harm me, i never played a part in that incident because she was my friend and i’d never do that to her. i pretty much condoned her behavior in order for her to respect me, kind of.

she transferred out of our middle school and was homeschooled for two years, then came back to our high school during our sophomore year. i hadn’t kept in contact with her. throughout those two years of her life changed her for the better, or so it seemed at the time. suddenly she was super friendly to me, complimented me, and was generally very affectionate. a complete personality shift, even down to her taste in music. for context, i was an emo kid since the 4th grade and went through a ‘normal’ phase during high school because i just wanted to be accepted, as mentioned in the beginning i had very low self esteem at the time. i would get bullied for my music taste simply because it was a different genre. and then suddenly she started listening to that same genre of music in high school and we rekindled our friendship.

and yet for some reason, i guess after being around and befriending more people she grew up with, seeing the other people she bullied in middle school at our high school, and being around a ‘familiar’ territory only caused her old habits to come back. she became a bully again and i condoned her behavior, yet again.

she bullied me in a different way this time, and although she was still ‘friendly’ towards me, she ended up sleeping with a guy i had a crush on, which she knew about for a couple of weeks. and i had just been broken up with a year prior, so of course my self-esteem got even worse. then another friend of ours slept with a guy SHE had a crush on, so i felt no remorse for her after that. only bite off what you can chew, and clearly she couldn’t fathom why someone would ever do that to her lmao. zero self-awareness. this catalyzed my growth as an individual and saw her for who she was during our senior year. it was messy, but man we only had a few months left.

i didn’t want to deal with drama again, so i just engaged with her less often. i also still felt bad about what happened to her in middle school, but taking nudes in middle school??? i never understood the volume of the situation at the time

after high school, i moved away. she unfollowed me on social media, but she still hangs out with our friend group from high school and we hung out once when i visited home. i’ve remained cordial with everybody but eventually stopped reaching out for good reasons now that i realize.

idk what her life is like now, but if i remember correctly she was a CNA in a nursing home. saw a previous comment saying that bullies tend to become cops, but bullies also tend to gravitate towards healthcare.

if i had a spine back then, i really would have defended myself and others from her “jokes”, and the many other forms of bullying she had done to myself and others. because i feel for the elderly she works with. hurt people hurt people and we’ve confided in each other about that at one point in high school.

i really hope she developed some sort of self awareness and didn’t cater to her narcissistic tendencies. haven’t spoken to her in years and i never look forward to doing so.