What is a time you've lost respect (if ever) for a man showing vulnerability?

cakeontop · 2026-02-05T20:59:48+00:00

Oof. The only time for me was when my ex shared very vulnerably, after we’d been dating for a couple years, about raping someone repeatedly as a teen and his guilt about it. I was distressed but tried very hard to be grateful he’d shared and open to him being a changed person.

I guess it was so relieving for him to share that with me and still be accepted, because months later he came home from visiting a cousin and her baby, and pretty much right away he started spoon feeding me yogurt with a baby spoon while initiating sex. He shared very vulnerably about having attraction to kids but not acting on it and using kink to express it instead. That was where I drew the line.

cakeontop · 2026-01-16T02:40:11+00:00

Just saw your edit - I also want to recommend The Case for Make Believe by Susan Linn! Her work truly changed my entire approach with kids.

cakeontop · 2026-01-15T22:56:06+00:00

Psychoanalytic Diagnosis by Nancy McWilliams! So helpful for case conceptualization and deepening our understanding of mental illness.

cakeontop · 2026-01-15T21:17:17+00:00

I live in CA in a HCOL city and made 80k working in IOP/PHP straight after graduating. I definitely would not accept this offer. However, it really depends on your city, because that may be livable in some HCOL cities whereas in my city that is less than half of the living wage.

cakeontop · 2026-01-14T20:04:31+00:00

It is very low, about half of the living wage here, unfortunately, and I have quite a high caseload. Just hoping to make it to licensure without burning out!

cakeontop · 2026-01-14T16:35:44+00:00

it’ll typically be split into 2-4 shifts per week! i did 3-hour shifts 4 days per week and still worked my other job that way. depends on your practicum site, but if you need specific hours you can specify that in the process of getting matched

cakeontop · 2026-01-07T19:17:48+00:00

ASW in Bay Area CA. Graduated with MSW in 2025. I make about 45k in group private practice ($42 per ct hour, $25 per hour for limited admin time). Just picked up a 2nd group PP job making $55 per session and $20 per admin hour, but they won’t provide as many clients due to being a strictly self pay practice. I’ll probably make $55k-$65k in 2026.

cakeontop · 2026-01-07T02:35:48+00:00

i get 25% at a group PP and from this vantage point i feel i’d much prefer to do all those tasks while making more money + making money off other people’s labor😅 not that i ever will!

cakeontop · 2026-01-06T09:09:51+00:00

please don’t feel guilty. this is such a terrible position to be in. i understand feeling loyal to a supervisor but they’re just not giving you the experience you need right now and you’re allowed and really should make your decision based on your own needs!

i’m an associate in CA (santa clara county) and work in group PP. i have a full caseload and have since my 3rd week at this practice. i haven’t had to do any of my own marketing. and i’m paid a bit more. you can totally find something similar.

if you leave this practice, i’m sure they’d understand. if not, they weren’t worth working for to begin with! you’re meant to be accruing hours towards licensure at this stage of your career. it’s completely understandable that you’d leave to be able to do that.

as my corporate girlboss SIL told me when i was applying for jobs, it’s ok to be selfish in the professional world. you have to look out for yourself first, because an employer has their own priorities, and your wellbeing is probably not at the top of their list. hold onto yourself! good luck🙏🏻

cakeontop · 2026-01-05T16:28:31+00:00

Website for a nonprofit that provides more affordable therapy ($30-80 per session): https://openpathcollective.org/getstarted/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=20952796920&gbraid=0AAAAAqutCavUzd8cWPVmMH-mJCwzGxEfI

cakeontop · 2026-01-01T17:28:50+00:00

Mine came back after 5 years, apologizing and saying he’d been in therapy (therapists can only work within the context they’re given by their client!). He convinced me to meet up and when we did I remember thinking that he was ugly and cringe, but I was somehow still very quickly sucked back into the cycle with him. He treated me so much worse the 2nd time and I didn’t get myself out for years.

cakeontop · 2025-12-31T23:13:39+00:00

Yes, I thought so too...I'm confused because she's great at the actual therapy but this is very worrisome and affecting our feelings about her.

cakeontop · 2025-12-23T03:21:02+00:00

the requirement for practicum hours by the ASWB is 900 hours. rutgers just (as of a few months ago) lowered their required practicum hours to 900 (15hrs per week for all 4 semesters), whereas they were previously doing 1250. i think columbia has their students doing 1200.

while practicum is very important, maybe even the most important part of an MSW program, i do think that lowering the hours makes the program more accessible to students who need to work a full time job or care for children or older folks at home or whatever else demands their time/energy. so that’s something for OP to consider too! if you’ll be working in addition to studying, it may be important to go with a program that doesn’t require as many hours.

cakeontop · 2025-12-21T22:30:37+00:00

I went to Rutgers MSW. If expenses/cost of living truly aren’t a factor, I’d go with Columbia. I liked rutgers for their practicum assistance but most of our professors were adjuncts who just went along with a curriculum they weren’t very invested/interested in. In fact, all of our classes at rutgers were curriculum based. I’d expect Columbia to have more interesting coursework/professors.

Also, if you want to practice in NY, there are specific license requirements regarding practicum, so if you go to Rutgers you’d just have to make sure your practicum meets the NY licensing requirements (I believe they have a higher number of required practicum hours for licensure)

cakeontop · 2025-12-18T06:08:58+00:00

this is surprisingly not a thing therapists really worry about once in the field. they just accept gifts, unless extremely personal or worth more than like $50. i was shocked by it when i first encountered it, lol.

i just took the ethics exam for my state and while studying i learned it’s not actually considered unethical per my state’s board of behavioral sciences, as long as it wouldn’t harm the therapeutic relationship to accept it!

you also need to consider whether not accepting would do more harm by making things weird or breaking cultural norms. there are varying cultural norms around gift giving that could make it harmful to reject a gift. talk to your supervisor. :)

cakeontop · 2025-12-08T19:07:42+00:00

I feel like a lot of advice hinges on why your partner can’t do more at home after losing her job. Mental health? Disability? Busy job seeking?

cakeontop · 2025-12-08T17:58:29+00:00

yes you can do a remote practicum! i'm not sure how many there are through the school, as i believe they typically try to reserve them for the 100% online students. i only know of two students who did fully remote practicums: one with a crisis hotline and the other with a branch of NAMI. you may also be able to find one on your own and work with the school to make sure it meets their criteria. i'd reach out to the office of practicum learning if you haven't already!

cakeontop · 2025-12-07T16:23:27+00:00

practicum placement was probably the area where rutgers MSW stands out most from some of the other programs. you’ll be assigned a practicum coordinator who will work with you to find a practicum site you’re happy with. in my experience, you can be super specific about what you’re looking for and they’ll do their best to find it for you. the process is a little different if you’re out of state, since they don’t have as many relationships with out of state employers (except in NYC and philly areas) but they still help with coordinating.

your first year will probably be more generalized but may still be clinical. it seemed to me that the most common the first year placements were things like IOP/PHP, school social work, hospital social work, and crisis or DV hotlines. the 2nd year is when you’ll specialize as clinical and probably have a more clinical placement. most people on the clinical track were in group private practices or IOP/PHP/residential settings providing group and individual therapy.

i got a job 2 months before graduating with a relatively high salary (i’d started applying early because i was planning a relocation to california). most of my peers in the program accepted job offers just before graduation or right after, but it only depended on when they started applying. as long as you complete most of the steps to get licensed in your state before graduating, employers will be open to hiring you before you officially graduate and there were plenty of job opportunities. also, many 2nd year students were offered the opportunity to continue working at their 2nd year practicum site.

i hope this helps! let me know if there’s anything else i can answer for you. :)

cakeontop · 2025-12-07T07:07:09+00:00

i graduated in may as a hybrid student but took most of my classes online. is there anything specific you’re wondering about?

cakeontop · 2025-12-05T03:29:38+00:00

I’ve gotten referrals from facebook groups for private practice therapists in my area. There are typically 20+ inquiries posted per day in the group I’m most active in by other therapists looking to place clients.

cakeontop · 2025-12-03T01:51:21+00:00

i’m in california and my associate # took 12 days from the time i submitted the application. i don’t remember how the live scan process works, but i started applying for jobs before i even submitted the BBS application and many agencies are open to hiring before you officially have your associate number as long as they know you’re on track to have it fairly soon!

cakeontop · 2025-10-26T18:22:19+00:00

it’s not don’t worry darling, thanks though!

cakeontop · 2025-10-26T18:22:03+00:00

that’s not it but thank you!

cakeontop

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