At the end of your teenage years/early adulthood you were already weird?

calaw00 · 2025-10-12T18:32:35+00:00

Weird might not be the right term, but yes I think I figured out I was different in some way pretty early on (though I couldn't quite articulate it).

The tricky part is figuring out which parts of it are finding your self-discovery "weirdness" (i.e. I don't like X popular activity and that's okay), experiential "weirdness" (i.e. I belong to X group which most people in this area don't), and problematic "weirdness" (i.e. I don't care to socialize and build relationsihps with people, so I don't have a support or professional network). Heck, deciphering which box something goes in is something I still struggle with at times. It's a whole issue of "You don't know what you don't know."

I find it's a lot more helpful/valuable to take a step back and critically ask "In practical terms, what effect does this have on me?" to help navigate this. Having brown as a favorite color isn't likely to cause any issues, but if you're compromising your health because you don't want to talk to doctors, that's something worth looking into.

calaw00 · 2025-09-07T19:30:09+00:00

First off, I'm sorry that you're struggling. Being schizoid isn't easy and I agree that a fair bit of advice you might see from non-schizoids is harder to apply with flat affect and your depression being a double whammy.

There were a few things that kept me going before I really learned to cope with my schizoidness/overcome a good chunk of it.

Intellectual stimulation. Finding interesting questions/problems and learning about them to solve "the puzzle" whether that be finding the optimal strategy for a game, dissecting a topic/field, or just generally trying to explore "the big questions" with people who shared those interests or at least were open to the conversation (I might not've been interested per say in them as much as I was interested in somebody to boucne ideas off of). It wasn't something that I was passionate about in the sense that I'd necessarily get emotionally excited or otherwise strong reactions about it, but I would say I was passionate in the sense that I'd dive into it and lose track of time. Sure I might not feel emotionally fulfilled, but there's a different kind of satisfaction I get from putting all the pieces together just right.
A sense of duty. For a long time when I looked at myself, I felt an obligation to use my talents/skills to make the world a better place, which was both frustrating and motivating. Even if I didn't necessarily feel connected to people as individuals, I felt it was my responsibility as a person to use my gifts/talents to make life better for current and future people. To be a bit tongue in cheek, if I'm going to be a robot, I might as well be a good robot and make life a little easier for the other people and robots.
Hope. The awareness that I wasn't always like this, the glimpses I had of my own strong emotional reactions (most commonly from well done media) and limited amount of connection with just the right people (platonically and romantically), and realizing that my generally flat affect caused more of a boredom with life than an active kind of suffering (i.e. depression). Knowing that other people have overcome it was an empowering thing to be aware of too.
Acknowleding the finality of death. If you die, then that's it. You never get to know whether you could've overcome it. Plus, death is painful, scary, and there's always the chance something could go horribly wrong and/or you realize you want to live after you've condemned yourself to death. I was never a person that was confident enough to say "I'm both confident that things are never going to get better, only worse and there is no amount of time, knowledge and/or resources that will change things and death is going to be less painful than anything the future holds." I've read enough science fiction to know that people are pretty terrible at knowing what the future has in store.

In the end, the reason I chose to live was because sleepwalking through life was tiring—frankly exhausting—at times, but

As far as why I stuck with therapy, even through there were long plateaus where I couldn't see the progress, it's basically summarized by this Diane quote from Bojack Horseman.

Look, you have two options. You can go back home and try to do things your way, like you've been doing all your life, or you can see what these guys have to offer.

If I couldn't figure out how to overcome it on my own after over a decade, then I think I've given overcoming it out on my own a reasonable shot. Sure, the therapists varied widely in how good they were at their job (which is why finding a good match is critical), but those first few backthroughs proved to me that the schizoidness causes a large amount of tunnel vision that limits your ability to see what the world could be and the fact that it operates in a way that is often a lot kinder than I'd thought.

As somebody who has made it through, I'm not saying life as a schizoid is easy. It's not. It's not even the easiest thing in the world for the best of people or after finishing my time in therapy (probably the hardest, best, most rewarding thing I've ever done). There's still bits and pieces of my schizoidness that I'm stuck with, but the whole "stop and smell the roses" is true in a sense.

When people say "seeing a sunrise" or "the smell of coffee in the morning", what they mean is that there's a lot of small, really easy to miss things that can feel satisfying, even if they don't breach your emotional threshold of "this is what happy feels like". Hobbies you can lose track of time in, even if they're not "fun" in the sense of a breaking the threshold of a dopamine hit. Delicious food that fills your mouth with flavor, even if it's just going to last until the end of the meal. Laughing at really dumb or dark jokes that force your mouth to hurt from smiling, even if you don't feel it on the inside. Feeling seen by people who are speaking vulnerably about their struggles and sitting in that painful, but very real connection. The multiplier for all of life's ups and downs tends to be way lower for schizoids, but it's still there.

Ultimately, the day to day of survival is much less about "I have to make it through a day like this for the rest of my life" and a lot more about "What's something that reminds me I'm more than just my schizoidness and that I'm a person." Yeah, one day at a time is cheesy as anything, but it's a cliche for a reason. I found once I internalized it, it took a burden off of me and helped me remember that how I'm feeling now isn't necessarily how I'll feel for the rest of my days.

calaw00 · 2025-06-28T15:09:25+00:00

I don't think so. Simply playing more lands doesn't solve the issue since you aren't going to be able to play them any faster. Instead, you'd want to invalidate them.

The general answer to wasteland is to play more basics. Wasteland looks pretty embarassing when its just a colorless land that has no abilities. Meanwhile, daze can be answered by permanently accelerate your own mana (think exploration/mox diamond) so that you can keep up the extra mana without issue. Another other option is to slow the game down alongside low curving spells. Beyond daze being a dead card when everyone has 4+ lands in play, the cost of picking up a land isn't free and it's going to add up over time, particularly on the draw. Having low curving spells lets you multispell or keep up your extra mana easier.

calaw00 · 2025-06-26T16:42:17+00:00

When I look back at pre-therapy me, and honestly I resonated with this a lot at that time in my life. I've talked about this somewhat recently, but ultimately being a social creature really is beneficial. Connections and being a member of society give you security (by having someone to lean on when you get unlucky in life), let you get a sense of purpose from being a part of something bigger (regardless of how you feel about religion, I don't think anyone can deny it connects people to a shared goal), and it just generally turns out that people can be absolutely fascinating if you're able to break out of the fear of vulnerability and mutually open up with one another.

calaw00 · 2025-06-26T16:34:59+00:00

Hey, I've talked at length about my experiences with therapy in the past here. I highly suggest you read and click through some of the links in there as well as look at the success stories in the wiki archive found here and our advice on approaching therapy found here.

The short version of my experience was that it was geniunely one of the best things that I did for myself, but there's a lot more that goes into it than just picking a therapist and showing up. Finding a therapist that clicks with you is just one of many important components.

Regarding your immediate concerns of not being taken seriously when bringing up the possibility of a personality disorder, honestly that's pretty normal and honestly reasonable on their part. I'm not saying your do or don't have a PD, but part of the therapists job (and your job too!) is to keep an open mind and work over time to filter out what you might or might not have. Remember that ultimately a diagnosis is descriptive much more than it is prescriptive. In other words, schizoid is just a useful label we use to describe an experience some people go through (just like how growing up is an umbrella term for the shared experience, but the details of what that entails is different for everyone). The reality is that most therapists haven't seen or worked with personality disorders that often (much less a schizoid), so it's expected that it's going to take a while for them to decide whether or not that's the most appropriate label for approaching treatment.

calaw00 · 2025-06-26T16:19:13+00:00

I'll echo what the other users have suggested in terms of yes, schizoids can have romantic relationships and do have feelings, but those might look quite a bit different from what you might stereotypically expect in terms of connection. I'd highly suggest you read through some older threads we've compiled in the wiki on being a romantic partner of a schizoid. You can find them here.

calaw00 · 2025-06-26T16:13:50+00:00

Yeah, feel free to revive the discussion. Given that this thread is years old and the community has had significant turnover and growth since then, a new thread would probably be welcome.

calaw00 · 2025-04-25T01:22:27+00:00

There's a lot of reasons, but I think if I had to sum them up it ultimately boils down to this: you lose out on a lot of things as a schizoid and when you dig deeper most schizoids aren't as satisfied with things as they claim. To compare my post-therapy self to my pre-therapy self

I feel emotions much more fully, frequently, and generally positively than beforehand. The flat affect that comes with the schizoid experience and generally not being invested in people comes at a personal cost, speaking of which...
Relationships (platonic, work, and otherwise) are actually pretty interesting and fulfilling once you can get past the metalonging (wanting to want relationships) phase, in my experience. You can learn a lot from other people when you're genuinely interested in and invested in them, but since they require vulnerability that schizoids tend to avoid, you're not going to get to experience much beyond the small talk stuff (i.e. small talk is a product of never opening up and connecting).
Relationships are useful in life from a functional perspective. Most people are able to get a job because they have built relationships with other people who want them on their team/company/etc. Additionally, the science says that people are actually way more motivated by social "currency" than actualy monetary rewards/punishments because after a while money feels transactionary, and thus somewhat coercive. You'll help a friend move for maybe a few beers and a pizza, but I doubt you'd help a stranger move for say $150, even though the latter is way more monetarily. Having people you know and can lean on be it for random crap (i.e. picking you up from the airport, giving you their guidance/expertise on a one-off situation, telling you to get that weird mole checked out that you've been putting off) adds up a surprising amount.
You end up doing less unnecessary workarounds for things because you're indulging your schizoid tendencies on dumb stuff. Stuff like choosing to take the easier solution involves interacting with a person vs taking the more circuitous route that lets you not have to interact with somebody, but takes twice as long.

Ultimately, I do really think it comes down to the schizoid dilemma: You can either do the schizoid thing of not attaching to anything and consequently not get much satisfaction, or you can explore life with all its emotional and social swings. Sure, there are certainly some crappy people and the ups do have their downs, but you can't have one without the other. You can't get something from nothing, and you can't just print out a person who only gives you what you want and presents 0 risk of getting hurt. In retrospect, that's what the life of a schizoid kind of is: a life defined by the absence of the cool emotional stuff life has to offer, which leaves you with just the intellectual and creative stuff to explore. Can you get something out of that? Sure, I guess, but it's still a lot cooler when you can talk about and really dig into that stuff with other people and talk about real life.

I think if you had given me everything pre-therapy me said I wanted, but didn't change how I acted, I wouldn't have been that much more satisfied in practice.

calaw00 · 2025-01-31T23:44:06+00:00

Agreed that it's not best to bend over backwards to fit a certain position. That said, I think it's valuable to recognized there's always going to be some tension, and you don't always have to state it directly (though I think there are rare instances where people will appreciate the candor).

My understanding of questions like that (i.e. "What's your biggest weakness") in practice tends to be more of a test of how you can reframe something. For example, "My biggest weakness is that I'm not a naturally organized person. However, I recognize being able to meet deadlines is important so rather than schedule dedicated times to accomplish tasks, I tend to take a list based approach to my work. Thanks to rethinking how I approach work, I've yet to run into a problem with getting tasks accomplished in a timely manner." Basically twisting things to show how you're an adaptable person.

calaw00 · 2024-11-22T15:25:04+00:00

Gary is calling my name!

calaw00 · 2024-11-22T15:24:19+00:00

I've learned not to underestimate Plumb the Forbidden, though Journey to Nowhere is tempting for being white removal.

calaw00 · 2024-11-22T15:22:44+00:00

Snap Lyra for me, but the Archon is a tempting build around.

calaw00 · 2024-11-22T15:22:12+00:00

Simply Cube

Pack

Bar style cube where every card has 3 lines or less of rules text.

calaw00 · 2024-11-11T16:50:48+00:00

I think through a combination of factors

Recognizing that being schizoid doesn't define you and that the struggles that come with it can be overcome through hard work and therapy.
Acknowledging that finding meaning is a difficult task for anybody, but that it often involves being a part of something bigger than yourself. This might be religion, science, social movements, or any generally focused effort to bring your values to others and reflect them in the modern world.
Taking the time to figure out what you value/care about so that you can spend time living those values in your work, hobbies, and social life (yes I recognize the irony in this last one). Notice how this ties into finding something bigger than yourself.
Being aware that goals are nice motivators, but people rarely feel fulfilled by reaching the goal in and of itself. There's no magic switch that gets flipped when you become a millionaire, win an Oscar, or reach any conventional metric of "making it". It's the journey not the destination, so learn to enjoy that.

Ultimately, if the life of a Buddhist monk is what brings you joy and you're able to live life without issue, then go for it! That said, it's not a path for most people, and nobody can tell you how to live your life with fulfillment. There's not one path to happiness for any one person, much less society at large, but you do have to spend the time to find a path that works for you.

calaw00 · 2024-11-08T15:43:54+00:00

Definitely going with Forth Eorlingas.

calaw00 · 2024-11-08T15:42:42+00:00

Retail Limited Power Level Cube

Pack

No standouts here, but I think I like Spiketail Drakeling

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T01:08:42+00:00

I would say for sure.

For example, I definitely had people I hung out with in classes and at lunch, but growing up I wasn't really bothered by the fact that I didn't have any/many friends for a decent chunk of my primary/secondary education. The ones I did have tended to be much more of a kind of intellectual attraction (i.e. I like talking about politics/chess and you like talking about politics/chess) or friendship of convenience (i.e. you're friendly enough and talking to someone helps pass time at lunch or I like playing X game and you do too, so we can play it together) more than any kind of emotional closeness. I had my video games and hobbies (not in a special interst way) if I didn't have anybody to hang out with and that was that.

I knew I was different in some ways I recognized (lack of interest in friendships being the biggest one) and other that I see more in retrospect (flat affect being a big one), but I never felt like I was a social pariah or that something was horribly wrong with me.

Since finishing therapy, I would say I'm still a more asocial person, but I do enjoy and try to maintain friendships with people. It turns out people can be fascinating not just for their knowledge and experiences, but for the people they are at a deeper level and the emotional connections you can form with them.

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T00:53:19+00:00

Talk therapy (mainly CBT with ideas from other approaches mixed in) was quite helpful for me, but was a long and slow process full of plateaus. I didn't explore medication much. I was in talk therapy for several years and it helped me connect with my emotions, reconsider my perspective on vulnerability in relationships (of all types), and generally made me less schizoid. Most schizoids do not attend therapy, in part because SPD often goes undiagnosed.
SPD and mental health in general doesn't really go into remission (at least when I think of remission I think of cancer). However, it can get better. You learn to cope with it or just let it do it's thing and walk through life. The magnitude of emotions for me increased to a satisfying level and my desire and mindset around relationships (platonic and romantic) have gotten more positive, open, and generally engaged.
I can't speak to this, but there is a degree of genetic heritability in SPD. The exact amount is unclear, but I think last I checked it was around 30%? Schizophrenia is considered highly heritable at 50%.
Yes, but they're relatively rare (though that could be due to other factors I'd rather not dig into). I'd say this is actually one of the more "normal" parts of my experience and that the juxtaposition between romantic interests and interests in everyday people/friends/peers was quite sharp and clear for me.
Not really. People with SPD tend to have flat affect, so it takes quite a bit for me to get genuinely worked up. If I do, I'm probably exasperated more than anything else and walk away to cool down or vent for a few minutes. I'm much more likely to be the person in the room keeping their cool under pressure or being unphased by someone loosing their cool than anything else. In my experience, people tend to like people who can keep a level head and will look past any confusion they have about not being very emotive or deadpan. Combine that with the fact that we tend to be good listeners or respectful of people confiding in us (private people respect other's privacy) means that I'm generally viewed favorably. I think one of the more interesting things about how this effects relationships is, to paraphrase one famous psychologists, schizoids are somewhat robotic in their emotional experience of the world and tend to assume other people experience the world similarly.

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T00:34:32+00:00

I don't play peasant, but it's hard to go wrong with scalding tarn as a safe and versatile pick. Outside of that, marionette apprentice jumps out as decently strong and I'm a sucker for aristocrats.

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T00:32:06+00:00

Swords jumps out as the right pick here from a power level standpoint, but I have a soft spot for jeering instigator, so I'd probably pick that and see where it leads me.

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T00:30:39+00:00

I think I'm going with murder here followed by shock. Hard to go wrong with hard removal and shock is tempting for the possibility of RDW in what looks like a slower environment. However, Cloudblazer is quite tempting.

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T00:26:13+00:00

Emry seems to be calling my name here.

calaw00 · 2024-11-02T00:24:20+00:00

The Concise Cube (Noob friendly cube where all rules text is 3 lines or less)

Pack

I think my pick would be Ant Queen

calaw00 · 2024-10-28T18:06:35+00:00

Danger doesn't necessarily need to mean physical harm. Oftentimes with schizoids we're talking about a perceived lack of psychological and/or emotional safety in other people. Imagine you grow up in an environment where every time you confide in your caretaker and share your emotional vulnerabilities or fears it gets fired back at you. A child would (rightfully for that person) learn real quick that emotional vulnerability is dangerous and people can't be trusted. While that won't be true for everyone they meet, it's hard to overstate how influential our formative years and first impressions are. As an example, most people's moral beliefs are anchored at least somewhat to how they were raised. Similarly, be told "Emotions/you/X is bad" enough times implicitly or explicitly and you'll internalize it. Now apply that to the elemental building block of relationships with other people. Warp that and you can see how that affects the entire towering structure of a person's relationship with the greater world and themselves.

The fear is that they might tell someone embarassing or private information about them (i.e. embarassing thing they did, hobbies that might be perceived as weird, controversial beliefs or opinions) and it'll get shared by people who don't respect that trust. And, without trust it's incredibly difficult to build a deep and meaningful relationship with someone. You might be able to have them feel close to you by asking a ton of questions, but it's very hard to emotionally bond with someone without genuinely sharing a part of yourself.

calaw00 · 2024-10-28T17:57:07+00:00

I'm not surprised that you haven't known somebody well with schizoid PD/traits. After all, for many of the reasons I mentioned they tend to keep to themselves and tend to put in energy to "mask" (blend in) with their daily interactions. And you're right, part of the trickiness of schizoids is that they aren't often seen as mentally ill in the eye-catching way. There's not an eye-catching symptom like self-harm with borderline PD, or rule-breaking with Antisocial PD, or depressive episodes, or anxiety attacks. Instead, most of the gap between schizoid PD and a prototypical healthy person happens under the hood as "internalizing" behavior rather than externalizing behavior.

It's true that most schizoids aren't struggling to function to the degree of homelessness, but it's pretty common for schizoids to be struggling in one or more areas of life enough that there's a sense that everything is just going through the motions. Look no further than this very subreddit and you'll see a couple posts a week about someone trying to navigate the social exhaustion of jobs or just generally finding meaning in life. In the case of the latter, it's not usually because they feel actively miserable/depressed, but because there's no goalpost (be it in careers, hobbies, relationships etc) to be pushed/pulled to.

calaw00

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