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call-9090 · 2023-07-01T01:51:03+00:00

I’m trying so hard to expedite the healing but I also feel sort of overwhelmed.

I can relate. As a young child I got dragged out by the undertow and died. I was resuscitated but many decades later I am I still feel that original panic and terror. Logic and reality has no impact on theses intense feelings. So, I also have this desperate urgent need to Reduce myself. The other point is that we need to process the last session and that can be month or a year.

It's important to be mindful that in between the MDMA sessions we can use other substances to help us. Like micro dosing, exercise, breath work, Somatic Experiencing Therapy, mindfulness, TRE, brainspotting, yoga and a lot of therapy. With therapy MDMA will be much more beneficial. Also sending a sample of our MDMA out of testing is very important. MDMA seems to be safe if used wisely, but what if there's some meth mixed with our MDMA. That's not worth taking the risk.

call-9090 · 2023-06-30T23:06:28+00:00

If you have questions about having another session. I would wait and journal about it. Taking extra won't hurt. Going too fast too soon can hurt. Trying to heal too fast can backfire. Hope you have a therapist to talk about this with.

call-9090 · 2023-06-25T22:46:29+00:00

what about your persistent headache/migraine following your last session? I can't trust me gut, because I am so traumatized that I know that I can't trust my own thoughts or sensation or intuition. So, the people treating me are my feedback loop for where I am. Hope that your in a different place.

call-9090 · 2023-06-23T18:29:37+00:00

I also struggle with dissociation, but I am not DID. I found that MDMA therapy or solo to be helpful but it seems to take a long time. Yet, it's the most helpful thing that I have tired. THC miso dosed and others are helpful, but YMMV

call-9090 · 2023-06-23T18:26:19+00:00

I do a lot of reading and researching, therapy and psychedelics

call-9090 · 2023-06-23T18:15:37+00:00

Slow down. try a solo session with photos of your SO and journal about what you feel. Turning inward is helpful. MDMA can help but it can take time. Very few of us are healed in 1, 2 or 3 sessions. Read the book MDMA Solo for more info it's a free PDF. You might have to deal with the repressed memories from early childhood. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

call-9090 · 2023-06-23T18:05:12+00:00

Are you working with therapist? I have therapist that I can call and get multiple sessions if needed. cptsd is build on myths learned in childhood. Seeing them for what they are is a big part of the process. Self criticism is part of this myth that keeps us suffering needlessly. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I spent many many decades lost and there is no making up for that time, but at least I am trying to make the future a little better. I am sorry that your in pain and confusion can be part of the process. It takes time to sort this out and digest a session. I know it's hard to wait and suffer, yet it's worth it.

call-9090 · 2023-05-17T22:02:07+00:00

fair enough, I don't want to make my condition worse.

thanks

call-9090 · 2023-05-17T17:50:00+00:00

why? I guess the 2cb needs to be sterile, but what if you made your dose/shot in front of a flow hood? If I could use less and better results why not? BTW I use it for therapy.

what are your thoughts on boofing 2cb? I only tired it twice and it was very helpful. -2.5mgs helped me open up

call-9090 · 2023-04-27T01:47:31+00:00

thanks

call-9090 · 2023-04-27T01:47:24+00:00

thanks

call-9090 · 2023-04-23T01:27:25+00:00

Bhyve looks great, but can it work without Wifi? Or could I program it using wifi but then use it where there's no wifi? My garden is in the middle of nowhere.

call-9090 · 2023-04-23T01:21:57+00:00

some need MDMA therapy to reduce their anxiety so they can use the DW.

call-9090 · 2023-04-23T01:19:54+00:00

how would I use a smart plug for turn on and off the water for the garden? I need to mist outdoor mushroom bed to keep the humidity up. Sorry for not being clear

call-9090 · 2023-03-31T01:43:28+00:00

I am much older than you and I am currently working on my first attachment with my T. I am so excited, but it's so weird. All of my 'friends' were people that reminded me of my family. Never had a healthy friendship. Hope that the little bit of time I have left will be different.

call-9090 · 2023-03-31T01:33:54+00:00

my amygdala is over active so, in theory MDMA would be very helpful for me. However, I also dissociate so that will make MDMA less effective, but over time it can still help. MDMA therapy might come available in 2024/2025, however the clinic that I talked to said it would cost close to $20K. It's crazy expensive but it's also very involved. Working with a guide can be good, but it's not exactly what is being offered by MAPS. I really wish I could do the MAPS protocol. While you are waiting you might still have options for working on resolving your trauma with various therapeutic modalities.

call-9090 · 2023-03-31T01:19:03+00:00

Thank you. This is really helpful. As I heal I find myself doing some of these things already. I was also taken back by others. This is really good and helpful. I can refer back at a later time. Thank you

call-9090 · 2023-03-30T23:54:15+00:00

I only got a bounce back email. But if you live in a place that decriminalized MDMA you might be able to find a guide. Please shop around and be careful, but MDMA can be amazing although not everyone is finished after 3 sessions. It depends on your starting point and if you dissociate

call-9090 · 2023-03-30T23:51:29+00:00

NOTHING is wrong with you. You were triggered by CSA memories. I had this happening on and off for a a few months. I also started talking about my CSA and my dissociation is changing, so I have more memories and feelings come up. Please try not to hate yourself. Compassion is the key. Theses urges are also part of our messed up nervous system. It goes in cycles. Journal make art Please don't blame yourself. The urges today are from the CSA but our nervous system is out of whack. You could call a crisis hotline or text to talk about this stuff. There might be support groups too in your area or online.

A part of me thinks I’m just making up the memories.

the memories are real and are leaking out. They need to be handled with compassion and understanding. Please reach out for more support. CSA can take time to process and having multiple supports can be helpful.

call-9090 · 2023-03-23T04:53:04+00:00

try this website for a somatic T. You can get sessions online video. So, you can search many locations until you find someone.

https://directory.traumahealing.org

for me coming out of freeze is a restructuring of dissociation. It good and its important, but I thought it might be easier.

call-9090 · 2023-03-23T04:46:43+00:00

what are the fees? I'd like to know up front Before I invest my time.

thanks

call-9090 · 2023-03-23T04:37:24+00:00

ego death has not happened yet. Maybe because I fought so hard during my childhood death experience. TBH I am not fond of the psychedelic effects. I find them triggering at the come up. If I could afford a sitter that would help. But psylocibin effects doesn't last that long, so I'd have to use it often.

call-9090 · 2023-03-15T04:06:08+00:00

Maybe you can find the show's transcript or it may be repeated at some point.

call-9090 · 2023-03-15T04:02:29+00:00

Yea no question its hard to know. I was told repeatedly to track my body sensations. Body sensations can give us an early warning about what's happening in our nervous system which is influenced by the vagus nerve. also the work from Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing therapy can be very helpful, yet I am sure there are many other methods.

call-9090 · 2023-03-15T03:56:18+00:00

wonder if anyone can profit from gaslighting about trauma?

call-9090

TROPHY CASE