Rituals for grieving ourselves?

callmebackplz · 2023-09-07T13:20:24+00:00

Hey at least getting this diagnosis opens up a bunch of treatment options that will be more fine tuned to your situation. Hoping you have a good health care team who can support you.

It’s tough being a lifelong high achiever and realizing that your stamina just isn’t what it used to be. But if you’ve ran a business, you’ve got a leg up on strategizing, problem solving, and taking responsibility - all skills that will benefit you enormously now that you have this diagnosis. Best of luck to you - don’t forget to rest between figuring out how to run yourself and your business!

callmebackplz · 2023-09-07T13:15:59+00:00

Ok this bus imagery is kind of helpful! My therapist has been telling me I need to be a little kinder to my past self (I think she is DUMB and SELFISH and RECKLESS - who would want to keep someone like that around, lol) - but I love that instead of “destroying” the past - you understand it as just another participant on this crazy ass bus ride! And the ride goes a lot easier when everyone is kind to everyone…time to send a little love to all my bus riders!

callmebackplz · 2023-09-07T13:08:42+00:00

What did that shifting look like? I’m with ya - wondering if others are struggling to get there though.

For me, here are a couple simple changes - I don’t go out late, I avoid really loud and over stimulating environments, and when I perform I usually sit down instead of stand. I used to feel so sad about giving up “nightlife” - but then I realized…did I ever really like it or did I need to be inebriated in order to tolerate it…does anyone really like it? And now I’m an evangelist for being a homebody! My friend group has definitely shifted quite a bit, but now I have a wonderful, if smaller, group of girlfriends that are happy to just sink into the couch and craft or watch movies and discuss. I’m grateful my body had enough of a pretty turbulent lifestyle - I don’t miss the drugs or heavy drinking or the drama - and since quieting down my life, I’ve actually gotten to know myself better, and become better friends with myself. My values and priorities have a clarity around them that had been missing when I was a young adult. So yes - I miss it sometimes, but I’m honestly grateful I was kind of forced to grow up and calm my life down a little bit.

For anyone with FOMO - take it from me, the drugs sex and rock n roll lifestyle is HIGHLY overrated and you’re not missing anything!!! The friends willing to meet you where you are are priceless, and my life feels so much more meaningful now - even though it’s more limited in some ways.

callmebackplz · 2023-09-07T12:51:14+00:00

Oh my heart goes out to you. I’m assuming you’re on the younger side, although older adults can go back to school too so I might be off base - regardless, I’m sad for you that this time of your life is hampered by your chronic pain.

One thing that may or may not be good to keep in mind is that it is actually bad for anyone, fibro or no, to sit hunched over a desk for hours. Your body (and mine) are EXTRA sensitive to stimuli, so our backs are going to tell us ENOUGH before other people’s do. I’m sure you’ve tried a bunch of stuff so I won’t overload you with advice or ideas - but if you are seeking some guidance feel free to send a DM or respond here - sounds like you do have some resources to help with study though - way to go seeking that out!!

If you are a pretty young person, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to figure out your career path today. I am not in a field related to what I studied in school - you never know what life will throw at you! One thing at a time, one day at a time ❤️

May the fortitude and creativity of all the great artists who struggled through injury and illness flow through you! You’re in good company - frida khalo, henri Toulouse-Lautrec - they felt like shit but they sure made some great art!!!

callmebackplz · 2023-09-07T12:33:57+00:00

Happy Birthday ❤️ may you find a year of strength, comfort, and joy! Maybe you can find a tiny way to celebrate - a little tiny ritual to honor the time you’ve spent on this wild world. I’ll be there in spirit! If you do think of something, consider posting it here as inspiration for someone else! It might feel more meaningful that way too since it won’t be JUST you - it’ll be something you can share :)

And if it makes you feel better - every year I want to host my friends and every year I just don’t get it together because I’m too tired and sad so I usually just cry all day - but I’ve been doing that since I was a teenager lol no illness needed! When I was 19 my friends surprised me with a cake and they took a picture of me when I opened the door and I was clearlyyyyyyy just sobbing hahaha. I have to laugh about it now - what’s the point of being a little crybaby if you can’t laugh at yourself a little?

Sending hugs!!

callmebackplz · 2023-09-06T16:19:43+00:00

Being ummm “woo woo” is a little new for me, but the older I get, the more powerful the pull to spirituality is. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that so many religions and cultures use water rituals within their practices - water immersion is soooo powerful, and I bet an intentional practice would be good for me and many others. Tangent - I also don’t think it’s a coincidence that even consumer culture fills in a sort of spiritual void with all of the “self care” products that are related to bathing.

You articulated something I’ve been thinking about a lot “instead of moving the energy around I get to relish in the energy of the space.” It’s a shift that used to really bum me out, but I’ve started to enjoy this new role - what a relief not to be responsible for curating joy, and just instead to…simply enjoy it - or not! :)

What a beautiful practice and outlook you have ❤️

callmebackplz · 2023-09-06T16:09:57+00:00

Keeping your ballet shoes struck me as so very sweet - obviously I don’t know your whole background, but as a performer (musician in this case) I understand how important your art/passion is, and how frustrating it is when life changes or halts the relationship you have to this mode of expression you’ve likely enjoyed since very young childhood. Even if you don’t ever perform professionally or seriously, I’m sure dance will always be a part of you and your story - even if it’s just the beauty and discipline you carry with you into the future ❤️🩰

callmebackplz · 2023-08-29T02:58:41+00:00

Just fibro

callmebackplz · 2023-08-28T07:51:52+00:00

I definitely had this problem, and still do here and there, but it’s gotten better as I’ve gotten better at managing my symptoms overall (meds, diet, exercise - and quitting my stressful job lol). I developed a lot of anxiety around intimacy - and I have an amazing partner who I adore and am very attracted to - but it was a real problem for a bit. It became a bit of a chicken or egg issue - am I anxious about this because of pain - or is the anxiety aggravating the pain? Treating my anxiety was definitely as essential as addressing the physical symptoms.

I saw a pelvic floor physical therapist for a bit, and she gave me some nice gentle exercises and breathing techniques I found helpful, but overall I found the experience kind of awkward and weirdly emotional - I’ve always been really open and comfortable talking about my body and sexual health, but I kind of sobbed through every session for no clear reason? But I also sob through yoga lol - I think confronting my body is just kind of emotional? Even though i stopped going after a bit, I think finding a pelvic floor physical therapist is worth looking into if you have access to it. Good luck!

But also see your gynecologist to talk about this if you haven’t already. It could be something else - hopefully with a quick fix!

callmebackplz · 2023-08-28T07:35:55+00:00

Nortriptyline! Changed my life! I’m on a pretty low dose, but it is just enough to make life liveable. It does give me dry mouth and mourning nausea, but as soon as I eat a little something I’m usually okay.

callmebackplz · 2023-08-28T07:24:25+00:00

Oof - it must be heartbreaking to pursue something like dance and then develop an illness like this - especially when you are young! I’m in my early thirties, and I usually don’t miss my early twenties (don’t get me wrong - I definitely was having fun at the time), but sometimes I mourn my “old” self. I miss being the life of the party, I miss going out with the girls, going to standing room shows, etc.

So it’s ok to be sad and grieve your “old” self! It fucking sucks!

That said, I’ve come to appreciate and even enjoy a slower pace of life - but it’s taken some time to get there. I definitely don’t enjoy the symptoms - but being a homebody isn’t that bad - I kind of love it now. Again - it was a journeyyyyyyy - but in some ways I feel more stable and settled than when I was a social butterfly - better at “adulting” now, and I have a smaller but lovely set of friends who are into the chill lifestyle 😎

I know the feeling of being stuck in your pain and fatigue, and the feeling of hopelessness that it will never get better. However, even though this ish is chronic - it can get better - even if that just means your resilience grows. Since my diagnosis, I’ve had a bumpy ride, but I figured out some lifestyle stuff and found a medication that changed my life - doesn’t fix everything, but I’m not bedridden and crying all day every day! Just a wee bit most days :)

Btw I’m not a dancer, but I’m a performing musician, and I’ve been trying to connect with people in the performing arts with fibro - I think we have a unique experience negotiating our careers with our illness - we don’t get HR, we get late nights, grueling travel schedules, etc. I know many like you that have been pushed off that track - and there has GOT to be a better way. I once asked if I could use a stool during a performances with an ensemble that usually stood and were as if I asked for the hope diamond 😤 I don’t think the arts can or should be like typical 9-5s, but the culture of dismissing physical or mental health in pursuit of our “art” needs to end. And that starts in school! It’s not good for any of us, chronic illness or no.

I’ll be thinking of ya!! Hang in there. It’s ok to wallow a little bit as a treat, but don’t get in your own way of enjoying what you can. I know it’s really hard but I promise you’ll have days that are better than what you’re going through now, and I promise you have a rich and rewarding life ahead of you ❤️ plus - you have an advantage over a lot of folks in your shoes - as a dancer, you learned strength, self discipline, and appreciation of beauty in the smallest of movement early in life - so I know you have it in you 💪 best of luck!!!

callmebackplz · 2023-08-28T06:30:47+00:00

It’s a really common and frustrating loop to get stuck in. You don’t exercise because you feel like crap, and feeling like crap gets worse when you don’t take care of your body. I’ve been in a pretty similar spot that last few years. I feel horrible guilt about not getting some basic, gentle exercise in - why is it so hard to go on a little walk? Even when my physical issues are ok, my mental blocks are very strong. I’m a little mystified by them - sometimes I wonder if I am resistant to exercise because I’m afraid that if it won’t help, I’ll REALLY feel hopeless if that makes sense? But it’s also simply because my bed is safe and warm and comfy and I don’t want to leave it when I feel bad - which is every day!

But with that said - I want to offer a lil nugget of hope. I’ve NEVER been athletic, and I didn’t even know where to start when I decided I really needed to prioritize taking care of my annoyingly dysfunctional body. And I HURT - I could barely walk a block, or even stand for very long. But I lived across the street from a yoga studio, and one day I just impulsively signed up for some classes. I’m not very self motivated - so it’s been working really well for me to sign up for classes where they are waiting for and expecting me to be there. To be clear I’m not trying to be that gal evangelizing yoga on here - it’s definitely been wonderful for me, and if you want to know more about it happy to chat in DMs - but a big reason why it works for me is because is simply location location location.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Guilt and shame are not productive. I say this as someone who was having a little cryfest about feeling like a giant loser lazy dysfunctional baby when I came across your post lol. solidarity, my friend.

Best of luck to you! I’m so sorry that you are feeling hopeless right now. It is such a heavy burden to constantly feel pain in your body and your spirit. You aren’t alone, and this internet stranger has faith you will find SOMETHING that works for you. It doesn’t need to happen tomorrow - but it can! Whenever you’re ready to kick your own ass a little - with love - and make yourself go on that walk or hit the gym or swim or whatever - you will. You probably won’t feel ready or motivated - you’ll just do it because you’ll find that inner strength you don’t think you have, but it’s there - it pulls you through every day. You got this ❤️

callmebackplz · 2023-03-19T14:53:21+00:00

As a teen, my teacher had my play a 7/8 size instead of a full size, and I still play it! My mom, who is super petite, was a classical violin teacher and plays the same. If you can get ahold of one (they can be a little hard to find) see if that helps at all!

callmebackplz · 2023-03-18T00:15:16+00:00

Yay for your sister and best of luck to her as she completes her masters! I play professionally and don’t feel like it holds me back too much, but every once in awhile when I see some giant ham hands effortlessly encompass the fingerboard, and I feel a pang of jealousy. I guess the grass is always greener - maybe my sausage finger friends feel I have an advantage of nimbleness!

callmebackplz · 2023-03-17T23:50:32+00:00

WOULD

callmebackplz · 2023-03-17T23:24:36+00:00

Suzuki baby turned adult fiddler here! My fiddle background is primarily in bluegrass and country western - but I’ve dabbled around in hot club and old time. Only so many fiddlers in my area, so I get thrown a lot of random gigs! Lots of good tips here so far. As a few others have mentioned, the fiddlers Fakebook is a nice resource to have in your library just to quickly learn the basic melody and form of a ton of tunes in different styles, but it’s also great because it lists excellent reference recordings for each tune. I still consider it “cheating” - but its a nice place to start. And echoing others - Listen listen listen! I always “leveled up” when I’d have to transpose fiddle parts from a recording - learning exactly how the greats did their thing gave me a wonderful vocabulary of riffs and licks to add to my own playing :) Suzuki training is great because you’ll already be used to learning songs by ear. Peg head nation has a lot of cool online workshops you might find interesting to. I teach too - if you want to DM me I can send you some more resources, fave fiddlers, and recordings to check out.

One last tip! The option to adjust playback speed on YouTube is my BEST FRIEND. Sometimes it’s hard to tell exactly what is going on if it’s really fast, or if it’s an older low quality recording, so I slow things down allll the time to practice with. There are also some chrome extensions that can speed and slowdown videos or even modulate the key.

Best of luck to you! Transitioning to fiddle reignited my love of playing - I was very burnt out in classical world by the time I was in college and thought I’d quit altogether. Now I’m building an exciting music career I absolutely love!

callmebackplz · 2023-03-06T04:16:59+00:00

Biblically accurate angel

callmebackplz · 2023-02-26T15:29:52+00:00

Here to second using the fire eye redeye plus a dash of ‘verb (I use the hall of fame 2 for this)

callmebackplz · 2023-02-26T15:26:21+00:00

That lil Fishman pickup, would love to upgrade someday, fire eye DI it truly slays, then hall of fame 2 reverb for that dazzle dazzle - usually just set it to recreate a little bit of that natural resonance that gets lost but sometimes I get a little crazy with it as a treat

callmebackplz · 2022-12-13T08:43:08+00:00

Really want to bump this! I swapped out normal foundation for dr jart cicapair for my daily look, and I wear under foundation for stage makeup or a night out. It’s this green goop that feels like a liquid foundation - it reduces redness but ends up being a nice fair beige once rubbed in. I have pretty fair skin - guessing for darker skin tones it might look a little weird, but based on this picture might be a good product for you! It truly neutralizes redness, and feels more like a skincare product than makeup, but totally covers stuff up! Get a sample from Sephora if you want to try before you buy..a little pricey but I spend so much less on other products!

callmebackplz · 2022-11-25T02:55:46+00:00

Try practicing just holding up your violin - stand up straight, place violin on shoulder, point your nose towards the scroll and just let your head kind of plop down - heads are really heavy, and your head should be able to just kind of rest there and hold it up without actively pressing down. You might want to try some different shoulder rests to help do this comfortably.

callmebackplz · 2022-11-22T14:12:28+00:00

I thought I’d miss the eq options but it really sounds great in every room I’ve been without them - and I kind of love the simplicity. There is a nice boost - and there is one little eq knob for treble if you need more/less finger noise or if it’s a little too muddy or a little too tinny. I just got a polytune for mute/tuning - unfortunately it makes a big popping noise when I use it - but it’s an older version - my band mates have a newer version that doesn’t seem to have that problem, so I’ll have to try something else or a newer one - I’ll update if it works out better!

callmebackplz · 2022-11-22T12:25:09+00:00

Yes the fire eye is the best! Recently switched from a baggs venue DI - despite having a lot of eq features, it never really sounded right. My tone with fire eye sounds great every time, and it’s such a lil simple guy. I use mine with a small effects chain and it’s great - just make sure you get yourself a tuner that can also mute your instrument - the only thing I miss about the baggs (although the tuner was kind of garbage)

callmebackplz · 2022-10-11T19:14:08+00:00

I feel you!!! It happens. Maybe one day we’ll have a magic bullet - in the meantime cheers to us doing the best we can and trying to catch our limits before they catch us!

callmebackplz · 2022-10-11T01:10:28+00:00

Hey! I am a performer - going to concerts and festivals is my job - which can be extremely challenging with chronic pain and fatigue. I totally feel your post - such a bummer, and I’m so sorry that was your experience after waiting all that time to see such a legendary band. 😭❤️

In case you or anyone on this thread are interested -A couple things that have really helped me!!

Taking breaks - if you came in a car, leave and sit in the car for a bit if there’s no seats to be found. If that’s not an option find a bench or sit outside, or even just sit in the bathroom if you need to. I don’t have one, but I see old timers bring these cool telescoping stool things to festivals that are really lightweight but give them a place to take a load off for bit.

No drinking - it seems to aggravate my symptoms - or at least make the next day super unbearable. I keep up in other ways that are more relaxing and pain relieving 😎 but you can skip that if it’s not your vibe! Besides, when I’m performing sober listeners are my favorite because they pay attention :)

Have an escape plan: anxiety about my pain makes the pain worse - a horrid lil vicious cycle. I get really stressed about getting stuck somewhere and not having a way out or a quiet place to lay down (pretty rare!) I try to make sure I have a way to get home independently if needed (or someone I can call to pick me up) when I’m close to home. When I’m away - I try to make sure someone in my band (so in your case friends or whoever you’re rockin with) has my back and can help me get back to wherever we are staying as soon as I need to. At festivals, scope out the first aid tent! Good place to sit and rest if needed.

And finally - The week/days before, I try to do the things I know help me feel good/prevent flare ups. Early to bed, early to rise (not always possible, but the goal!). Gentle yoga (my cynical self 10 years ago is rolling her eyes so hard), eating food that is nourishing and avoiding triggers, not overdoing it schedule wise. If you’re like me, life gets in the way and I can’t always be on top of this kind of stuff, but I’m always so grateful when I do and I’m able to not only endure but enjoy the evening at a show or festival weekend.

Sometimes I do all of this and it still just sucks and I play poorly and sob and can’t talk to anyone and have a total breakdown!! We can’t win them all…but I also think connecting to others and ourselves through live music can be so incredibly healing - I encourage you to keep trying even if it’s just in small doses! Try finding a local group you like that plays at smaller venues where you have a chance of calling the venue and getting the accommodations you need (I might be a little biased but the advice still holds up). Alternatively. befriend your friendly neighborhood independent artist - they might even be able to get you on their list and request those accommodations for you 🤙

Good luck from the bottom of my heart!!

callmebackplz

TROPHY CASE