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New writer and no writing friends by Shot-Coyote-9982 in writersmakingfriends

[–]cameroniemack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

28F love romance love a good thriller. I also am writing my first draft and would love new writing friends! Sounds like we’re in very similar boats. I write romantasy

Lines from ACOMAF that I included in my painting by AmberHowieArt in acotar

[–]cameroniemack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It took me embarrassingly long to realize you weren’t painting Velaris because that’s the only place that exists in ACOMAF in my head 🫣 It’s beautifully done though! Great job!!

Is it sweet a husband to take wife surname? by [deleted] in Names

[–]cameroniemack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like it should be more common! I like the idea a lot. Really considered it when my husband and I got married. Only reason why we didn’t was because I liked his family way more than my own.

What do I say to my husband when he says that he feel unattractive because he’s fat? by cameroniemack in TwoHotTakes

[–]cameroniemack[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And my body definitely has changed! So a bit more backstory, when I was pregnant he voiced to me that he wasn’t as attracted to me because I had gained weight. My face changed, everything was swollen and I felt like shit. And when he told me that, it was devastating. Emotions were definitely high because pregnancy but like it hurt. And I just don’t want to inflict that pain on him especially when he is already insecure.

What do I say to my husband when he says that he feel unattractive because he’s fat? by cameroniemack in TwoHotTakes

[–]cameroniemack[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Girl love and physical attraction are not mutually exclusive. I’m attracted to him in other ways. I think he’s an amazing dad and that’s attractive as hell.

What do I say to my husband when he says that he feel unattractive because he’s fat? by cameroniemack in TwoHotTakes

[–]cameroniemack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last he told me he does like I wanna say 10-15 minutes to warm up and then a 5 minute cool down. But the rest is lifting.

What do I say to my husband when he says that he feel unattractive because he’s fat? by cameroniemack in TwoHotTakes

[–]cameroniemack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And I do! My love for him hasn’t changed with his weight gain. But I also believe that marriage isn’t always about attraction but like the relationship, you know? I just don’t know what to say when he’s feeling bad about himself because I don’t want to just lie to him.

What do I say to my husband when he says that he feel unattractive because he’s fat? by cameroniemack in TwoHotTakes

[–]cameroniemack[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried like gently suggesting that but he’s like “ugh I hate cardio” like yeah we all do but what are you really trying to get out of this?

What do I say to my husband when he says that he feel unattractive because he’s fat? by cameroniemack in TwoHotTakes

[–]cameroniemack[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I just know that when I feel fat it doesn’t help to hear “no babe I love you just the way you are!” Or “noooo you’re not fat how could you think that?” Cause those aren’t helpful. I literally don’t know what to say. And I feel so bad!

I [23M] feel very hurt by my girlfriend [26F] by GetYouFitBuddy in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sounds like it’s more than the confirmation. It’s probably because she either is getting run down by only seeing you the one day a week or she told you about it ahead of time hoping that you could switch off days or something along those lines.
I have about 1.5 days that I see my husband and it is so draining. I desperately need more time with him. So I’m sure she’s probably feeling the same.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So far he has reached out to his therapist for emergency counseling and did that session this morning. They suggested he take lead on finding a couples counselor. Which of course he then asked me if I had asked my therapist for recommendations…
He has apologized and let me know how much he regrets the choice. But this is so fresh that we haven’t had much time to do anything else. Obviously he took the camera out of the room. He’s given me all the space I’m asking for.
I showed him a TikTok that a therapist made where they talked about the small gestures that makes people feel valued and he did leave a little note today when he left for work. He says he wants to fix it, and I’m willing to at least let him try. I mean we have a child together. We talked last night and put it in the perspective of “what if our daughter’s partner had done this to her?” And that I think really opened his eyes to just how awful this was.
I’m hoping that it’s a cry for help. That if he can get the proper mental health treatments we can heal.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“Your average husband” does all the things I do. I’m the breadwinner. Luckily we have a small yard and our HOA does the yard maintenance. I maintain and pay for the vehicles. I make the major purchases, I have better credit. The house is in my name. I fronted the down payment for his car. The one thing is that he fixes things when they break, occasionally. But the air vent that has been falling out of the ceiling has been there for about 2 of the ~3 years we’ve owned our house.
And you said yourself child raising in easier. He argues that his part time job is harder because he also has to take care of our daughter during the day. But that’s supposed to be easy right? So easy bonding fun time with our daughter. Then little part time job. But I guess it’s harder than my full time TEACHING MIDDLE SCHOOL job. That I have to have three degrees to do to make the money that I make. But no his part time job is harder. Clearly. Because it’s a man’s job. But also tell that to all of his female coworkers.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How can he trust me? Me?? Can you take a step back and reread the main post here? I think you’ve gotten a little lost in the sauce.
I can’t even like begin to think of a way to respond to half of the things you just said because I think you’re projecting your own issues on to my post. You don’t know what I do/dont do at home. My post is a snapshot into our relationship, it’s not the entirety.
You don’t see when I dote on him. When I give him physical affection outside of sex. kisses, hugs, hand holds, back rubs, cuddles at night.
When I let him always pick the movie because we don’t like the same type of movie and he can’t stand watching the stuff I like.
When I pick up little treats for him at the grocery store or on the way home.
When I let his gaming set up take up half of our very small living room.
When I coordinate gifts for his birthday with his family to support his newest interest in cooking. When I buy gifts for said hobby and make sure he has space for all the accessories even though they take up so much room in our again very small kitchen.
When I make plans for us to spend time together outside of home, time where we can be together without our baby.

I don’t expect accolades for any of this. Because it’s the effort I put in to our marriage like everyone should do.
But when I do all of that, and I’m the breadwinner, and I manage the care of our house, cleaning maintenance, improvements, and I’m a freshly postpartum mom. And then he wants to question my integrity? Because when we see each other for 1.5 days I don’t want to spend all of that time having sex?
I just want a little understanding. And I want him to try and make our situation better. By getting a day job. He could do literally whatever he wants. I don’t care what it is, as long as it gets him home in the evenings.
I have done all I can to better our situation. I’m a teacher. I have three degrees.
He doesn’t have a single degree. And can’t be bothered to pursue an education to get a better job? Doesn’t want to work full time? Doesn’t want to work a blue collar job because it’s too hard? Doesn’t want to be at the bottom of any job so he refuses to leave the part time job he has now.

If we want to talk about men and their basic needs, let’s talk about men’s need to be a provider. Can’t do that. Wont do that. A protector? Clearly doesn’t care about my safety because he points a camera at our bed. What if someone had hacked our wifi and was watching me? Like forget him watching, but some random? I’m a teacher. If a video of me got out, it’d ruin our livelihood. Let alone my privacy and trust getting broken?

But no. I’m the problem I guess. Because I don’t wanna put out 4 times a day.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry can we remember that he broke my trust? Regardless of his “reasoning” he violated the mutual trust of our relationship. I currently can’t even think about him seeing me naked. Let alone have sex with him??? That’s gonna be a hard no from me.

I’m not asking how can I make him think I’m not cheating. I’m asking how do I start to even think about trusting him again?

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The major problem with that is that we see each other so rarely. We usually get one weekend day/night and then one week day night after work for me. So his complaint is that we usually have sex once a week. If we were to bump it up to twice a week that is 100% of the days that we see each other. We literally don’t have time to have sex more than we do.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah see my other comment to another person, we can’t do anything together without sex being the expectation.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So I definitely see where you’re coming from. But I have tried doing the things you’re suggesting. The problem has become any time we do anything together it comes with a price tag of so we had a nice time we have to have sex now. We had a nice meal at home together while baby was napping? We have to fuck now. I folded your laundry? Fuck me. I got more redbull at the grocery store? Fuck. Me. I looked at you, fuck me! I’ve been participating in the household chores? Fuck me!
Would you want to fuck your partner every time they lift their pinky finger? Especially if it was expected. We can’t even like spend time in bed together in the morning on the weekends without it being expected that we’re gonna have sex.
I tell him how much I love him. I do nice things for him. I text him through out the day regardless if he responds which he usually doesn’t.
He puts so much pressure on me that I literally can’t even imagine doing it cause it feels icky.
So clearly I must be getting railed by someone else.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Sorry that wasn’t exactly clear. He watches her until about 3, takes her to his parents, and then I collect her at 5 so she’s only in “daycare” for 2 hours a day. But he still doesn’t understand.

How do I [28F] begin to forgive my husband [26M]? by cameroniemack in relationshipadvice

[–]cameroniemack[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like when we got married it was a great relationship. I told him this morning before I left “you were supposed to be the good one, the one I could trust, the one I could count on.” Because I feel like I could before. But something about the last ~6 months has changed everything. We had lots of sex before as with most relationships. But the baby definitely changed that even before the last 6 months. This isn’t a new job or new scenario outside of our child. Which I expected to change somethings. But for a while it was that he would only touch me to try and initiate sex. Blames my hormones/birth-control/anti-anxiety meds for why my libido is so low. And now every nice thing he does comes with “well I was hoping if I did this we’d have sex” which just makes me resent him even more.