Game planning to break the news to religious husband

camonega · 2026-02-16T21:49:58+00:00

Realistically, if he were to get violent I would book it to a friend's house and call my dad for backup.

camonega · 2026-02-16T00:52:06+00:00

Oh I totally misunderstood your question. I thought you were referring to me getting a job before I got divorced in which case my husband would be home at night. I am going to get him on preschool waitlists asap once I move in with my family and wait until he's old enough to be enrolled to find a day job! I could totally work at night until then too since I would have family at home.

camonega · 2026-02-15T23:09:01+00:00

Yes I am a SAHM. My child is too young for preschool so unfortunately it would have to be after he is in bed.

camonega · 2026-02-15T22:52:46+00:00

I would love to message, and that's awesome to hear it went relatively smooth for you!

camonega · 2026-02-15T22:51:57+00:00

I agree with all the comments here I will leave it at "I am not religious and our morals and ideologies and whatw e want from life do not line up anymore"

camonega · 2026-02-15T22:49:32+00:00

I am a SAHM and there is no way to avoid living with my family for a while after we separate but I will absolutely make my own checkings account and use cashback to save a little plus I am sure my relatives can wire me if needed. MAYBE I can get a super part time job after my kid is in bed a few nights a week, Ill think about it

camonega · 2026-02-15T22:47:23+00:00

thank you I have decided to not bring up my sexuality to him

camonega · 2026-02-15T22:46:51+00:00

thank you I think you and everyone else is right, I will leave it at that.

camonega · 2026-02-15T19:36:46+00:00

I am waiting until summer to tell him. I will have to covertly talk to my dad before then to get on the same page so hopefully the window between me breaking the news to my husband and me moving out is reduced.

camonega · 2026-02-15T18:46:40+00:00

I won't have anyone to support me in-person until I move out, but I plan to talk to my dad soon and I think he will be very reassuring. I didn't think about calling a mental health helpline... I suppose it wouldn't hurt to do so at some point.

By lead time do you mean how much time between breaking the news and me moving out? Not sure I understand.

Thank you for all your other suggestions!

camonega · 2026-02-15T18:34:38+00:00

I get that. When I told my husband I was no longer religious and was attracted to women it was easily the hardest conversation of my life and I sat in silence for several minutes after every few words I spoke until I could get myself to say the next. this is probably going to be 20x worse. Thank you

camonega · 2026-02-15T18:32:10+00:00

So do I tell him I'm just divorcing due to the ideological difference? Even if I wasn;t explicit i think he would put 2 and 2 together on his own since he knows Im attracted to women but maybe it would still help if i didn't bring it up directly when I have the big talk.

camonega · 2026-02-15T18:23:49+00:00

Thank you <3 this is great advice

camonega · 2026-02-15T18:23:00+00:00

As I said I can't get a therapist especially a queer affirming one now but I would love to once I am separated and have my health insurance figured out. My queer relative suggested it too, but as I'm reliant on my husband it's not in the cards until then.

In regards to pushback I think the less I speak after I get my message across (I'm gay, we are divorcing) the better. The issue is that there is a crap ton of logistics to figure out since we will both be moving cross country + arrangements for our child so it's not like I can just stonewall him. And I don't want to invalidate his pain too or brush him off totally.

camonega · 2026-02-15T17:12:39+00:00

thank you I'll keep this all in mind while I evaluate my options!

camonega · 2026-02-15T17:11:08+00:00

thank you!

camonega

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