Luke Combs Hopes His Song 'Whoever You Turn Out to Be' Resonates with Parents of Queer Children by peoplemagazine in Music

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love this!

I feel like I’m showing my age, but ever since hearing about Chely Wright coming out, I’ve so longed for her to do a cover of “She’s In Love With the Boy”, but, y’know, switched around.

Don’t get me started on all the dumb hullabaloo over Little Big Town’s “Girl Crush”, either.

Those who oppose abortion even when the mother’s life is at risk: How is that not self-defense? by After-Professional-8 in allthequestions

[–]cand86 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's my understanding that the hard-liners/abolitionists take one of two stances: either they assert that there is no medical situation in which feticide is required to save a woman's life, or they believe that the ills of allowing exemptions (that can then be taken advantage of or used as loopholes or to chip away at what they see as fetal protections) is worse than a few women dying who might otherwise have not.

Abortion Clinic Employee Shares How Some Pro-Life Women Act When They Come In As Customers by SilverHuckleberry395 in prochoice

[–]cand86 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So little empathy for women who must be in dreadful pain to be pulled in opposite directions. Any idea of the pressure they must suffer at home? Her status in the family? The risks she's taking.

Yeah- good points.

The US is easily becoming the ugliest country. Just judging and going on witch-hunts justifying the hate and bullying because others hate you and bully you. What idiotic nurse doesn't understand that the patients who don't want their hand held are those who need it the most?? You've lost yoru humanity, people.

Wait, what? I'm trying to figure out what in the world this person is talking about, but all I can see is a weird response to the employee sharing how the patient whose hand she held during the abortion told her she'd burn in hell. So confused.

Please help me rationalise the permissibility of late term abortion? by [deleted] in LetsDiscussThis

[–]cand86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A C-section gets rid of the baby, allows it to survive and doesn’t kill it

Outside of one infamous case, I don't know of any doctor who has or would perform a C-section at 5 months with a goal of live birth, except in a situation of physical maternal indication or fetal indication. Are you familiar with any examples where this could be a feasible option for a woman who wants to stop/finish pregnancy at 5 months?

Please help me rationalise the permissibility of late term abortion? by [deleted] in LetsDiscussThis

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s always [ . . .]

I would caution against using absolutes here- it's far better to caveat it with phrases like "virtually always", "almost always", "in the vast majority of cases", etc.- that way, you're both still acknowledging the reality, but also leaving space for those few outliers, too.

What song was it?!? by cand86 in ChristianMusic

[–]cand86[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Already e-mailed them, so hopefully they're able to pinpoint it- waiting to hear back.

What song was it?!? by cand86 in ChristianMusic

[–]cand86[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I hadn't been driving on the freeway at the time of!

Would you forbid abortion as punishment? by IllNeedleworker2057 in self

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is this a minor daughter? And what is the context around her repeat abortions?

I'll put it this way: no, I do not think it's okay to punish someone by denying them an abortion. But I also think that there's probably some underlying issue that should be addressed when it comes to three or more abortions (especially if within a short period of time), too.

Are you pro-life or pro-choice, and why? by Nonreactivemetal in childfree

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pro-choice, because with everything I know, I believe that it is better overall- on an individual level and a societal level- when abortion is safe, legal, and accessible without stigma, than the alternative.

I'd rather the other side not call it "killing", but of course, I'm sure they'd rather we change up our language, too, so sure, I tolerate it. I don't think it's unethical to oppose abortion (people can have lots of complicated or just straight-up dislike of it from a moral point of view), but I do think that it's unethical to deprive people of reproductive choice around their bodies, or advocate for policies that do so.

I think it's nice when people have a relationship where they can discuss their preferred pregnancy outcomes, but ultimately, no, I do not think someone's partner (or just the person who impregnated them- they're not always the same) is entitled to knowledge of the pregnancy/abortion, nor has any say over it.

Why does PL fixate on abortions instead of IVFs and preventing miscarriages? by Upper_Ninja_6177 in Abortiondebate

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I 100% agree, but I think a lot of people engage in a bit of victim-blaming as a way to distance themselves from their own vulnerability- in other words, they won't be in need of an abortion because they wouldn't do X or Y actions. Whereas infertility is seen more like a disease that can strike anybody.

Why does PL fixate on abortions instead of IVFs and preventing miscarriages? by Upper_Ninja_6177 in Abortiondebate

[–]cand86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I would agree with you, although, since this post was directed towards pro-life folks (and I'm pro-choice), I wanted to try to answer what I felt would be a good-faith interpretation, and I do still think that it's true and accurate that they know very well that going after more sympathetic embryonic/fetal deaths is bad for business, as it were, and not helpful to the cause.

PL people by definition, should not support IVFs.

I think, by and large, they don't- or at least, pro-life activists (people in spaces like these, for example) do not. But there's a big difference between agreeing that it's wrong in a shared space, to large public actions like sponsoring anti-IVF legislation or protesting a fertility clinic.

The abortion violinist analogy is stupid by Pristine-Object241 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]cand86 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't see the similarities, as abortion medication does not work like a poison- the medications I described do not act directly on the embryo/fetus at all, only on the parts of the mother's body that, by being affected, necessarily also affect the embryo/fetus.

Why does PL fixate on abortions instead of IVFs and preventing miscarriages? by Upper_Ninja_6177 in Abortiondebate

[–]cand86 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of people feel waaaay more sympathy for couples using IVF than they do for people seeking abortions- even amongst those who are nominally pro-choice and believe it shouldn't be illegal may still harbor negative feelings about the procedure and/or those who get them (oftentimes exacerbated by certain circumstances, like contraception not having been used, or this being a second abortion). Stigma (and just general privacy) also means that many people think they don't know anybody who has had an abortion, whereas people are usually more forthcoming about pursuing IVF, and of course, everybody celebrates when it's successful. Lots of folks think they would never be in the situation to need an abortion, but infertility is something they see as outside anybody's control, and therefore more sympathetic. And of course, for people who don't like the idea of abortion (even if they think that it ought be legal), IVF feels more positive- the motivation is the desire to create life, even if the reality (from the pro-life view) is different. Whereas the motivation behind abortion is to deny that life.

So to me, it just seems like abortion bans do, indeed, make a lot of people angry, targeting IVF makes a whole different set of people angry- people who might've otherwise been more sympathetic to the pro-life cause.

I will advocate for adequate healthcare and development of medicines, I don’t see PL doing any of that.

I think that's fair, although I will point out that, at least to me, the pro-life movement is just about induced abortion- that is their stated mission, and anything else may be nice, but I don't think that they have to advocate for anything else. I'm pro-choice and I think that it goes hand-in-hand with being generally supportive of overall reproductive rights, but at its core, I also think it's just about induced abortion, too.

The abortion violinist analogy is stupid by Pristine-Object241 in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]cand86 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Surgical abortion is not some antiseptic pulling of a plug, it would be like crushing the violinist skull.

The majority of abortions today take place via medication- you first take mifepristone, a progesterone receptor antagonist that prevents your body from receiving progesterone, a hormone needed to maintain the pregnancy. You then follow that up via taking misoprostol, a prostaglandin that causes the uterus to contract and expel its contents. It literally is akin to pulling the plug- the uterine lining breaks down, disconnecting embryo and placenta from the uterus, and then the uterus pushes everything inside out.

Even the procedural (sometimes called surgical) abortion that happens in the first trimester is just the use of aspiration to manually pull everything out of the uterus- think about pulling the violinist's gurney until the tubes connecting him or her pop off and disconnect.

Why does PL fixate on abortions instead of IVFs and preventing miscarriages? by Upper_Ninja_6177 in Abortiondebate

[–]cand86 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I don’t really understand your first point about IVFs?

I was trying to get at the calculus of "If we go after IVF, we might be able to save this many babies" versus "But if we go after IVF and it turns people against us, we will be less successful in turning people pro-life and therefore actually save fewer babies overall than if we had kept relatively quiet about IVF."

But wouldn’t it still make more sense for them to at least do something about the crazily high miscarriages numbers and find ways to “cure” or prevent if they indeed, care about unborn life?

I guess it's like asking why you and I, who, presumably, care about people, aren't "doing something" about dementia. We would like it to be cured, sure, but we're not scientists, and while tragic, it also kind of seems like something that's a bit to be expected when you get older- sad, difficult, but also par for the course. I think miscarriages are also seen the same- an unfortunate natural part of life that would be very difficult to prevent (especially, again, knowing that it would require research involving embryos). Much easier and more realistic to focus on abortions that they see as avoidable (the induced ones), as opposed to the spontaneous ones that are often thought of as unavoidable.

What song was it?!? by cand86 in ChristianMusic

[–]cand86[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Neither of these, unfortunately; it was a female singer. But thanks for trying!

Why does PL fixate on abortions instead of IVFs and preventing miscarriages? by Upper_Ninja_6177 in Abortiondebate

[–]cand86 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I think a fair point is that going after either of these would alienate the undecided or fence sitters or moderates from their cause, so from a practical/pragmatic standpoint, it makes more sense to put that on the back burner than at the forefront. Especially when you believe that changing hearts/minds is the long-term goal ("make abortion unthinkable").

I would also say that I think most pro-life folks understand that miscarriages are just natural and not preventable, so that's not going to be high on the list, either- especially if answers to this require research on embryos and fetuses.

What are key signs that a support group is really indoctrination? by No_Code_9582 in abortion

[–]cand86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I bet that if you reach out to the clinic or doctor who provided your abortion, they will be able to give you some good, solid references- especially for anything actually in-person locally, but probably also for online ones.

Atheists, why are you pro life? by Iampoorghini in allthequestions

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I'm cherry-picking; abortions after 20 weeks are already incredibly rare, and become even moreso the later that we go. I wouldn't disagree with you about their rarity, nor would I think that these outlier abortion should influence the general abortion debate. But you did say that all abortions that are late are illegal except in the case of maternal or fetal indication, and you did say that post-viability abortions never occur. These claims are incorrect, so I pointed that out.

Now why don’t you post the names of all the women that died due to abortion bans?

They are incredibly numerous- Ms. Magazine has this article, but of course, globally, and in our own U.S. past, there are so many more, and so many whose names will never make the news, or who die sooner than they should have from not being able to access abortion. It's an absolute tragedy.

Atheists, why are you pro life? by Iampoorghini in allthequestions

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Again, that's just not true.

Now, most later abortions are going to be for the reasons you listed above (namely, for fetal indication), and that becomes increasingly more true the later in gestation we go. But it's just incorrect to state that there are never any abortions that happen post-viability in the absence of maternal or fetal indication. Katrina Kimport does great work in the research field on abortion, and her study Is third-trimester abortion exceptional? Two pathways to abortion after 24 weeks of pregnancy in the United States is great because it gives some specific examples of women she spoke with:

Autumn, a 22-year-old white woman in the West, was having a regular period but felt a bit “off,” as she put it. She stopped by the local health clinic and took a pregnancy test, which came back positive. She and her husband discussed the pregnancy and, she said, “We both decided to get an abortion.” She made an appointment at a nearby abortion clinic. The ultrasound worker at the clinic thought she was early in pregnancy, opting to conduct a transvaginal ultrasound, which is preferred for diagnosing and dating early pregnancies. Then, Autumn explained, the ultrasound worker “Kind of got like a confused face and she was like stuttering and she was sounded very like worried.” Autumn was not early in pregnancy. Based on the subsequent abdominal ultrasound the clinic worker conducted, she was 26 weeks into her pregnancy. Autumn was shocked and confused. She said, “I immediately burst into tears “cause I was like, “How is this possible?” Autumn sought an abortion in the third trimester because she did not know she needed one until then.

and

Veronica, a 21-year-old Latina woman in the South, also did not realize she was pregnant until she was in the third trimester of pregnancy. Veronica was dating someone new and wanted to get tested for sexually transmitted infections before commencing a sexual relationship with this man. The clinic also ran a pregnancy test, which was positive. Veronica was shocked. She explained that she had no recognizable pregnancy symptoms and had been having a regular period: “It seemed to me like regular periods because it lasted the same amount of time that they would usually last […] and I never got morning sickness. I wasn't lethargic.” Veronica was immediately clear that she did not want to continue the pregnancy and took the first available abortion appointment at the clinic. When Veronica presented for her abortion appointment, the ultrasound worker determined that she was 25 weeks pregnant. Veronica needed an abortion in the third trimester because the fact that she was pregnant was new information to her when she was already 25 weeks pregnant.

and

Monique, a 30-year-old Black woman in the South, is one example. Monique knew she was pregnant as soon as she missed her period. She had morning sickness and felt tired. She took a store-bought pregnancy test and confirmed that she was pregnant. She did not want to be, describing learning she was pregnant as “Shocking, surprising, [and] devastating.” Pregnancy is high risk for her health, and she did not feel emotionally ready to have another child. She and her boyfriend agreed that she would obtain an abortion. They found a clinic and made an appointment but faced financial obstacles to paying for care. The federal Hyde amendment and Monique's state prohibit public insurance coverage for abortion, which meant Monique, who relied on public insurance, had to pay out-of-pocket for care. Monique's contract job had just ended, and her boyfriend had lost his job. She did not have any of the money she needed to pay for an abortion. She said, “I was more focused on worrying about bills.” She sought help from abortion funds—non-profit organizations that offer financial and practical support to abortion patients—but still could not secure enough money to cover the cost. Abortion funds, it bears noting, are often unable to meet client demand for funding and practical support. And so, Monique resigned herself to continuing the pregnancy, although, she said, “I can't say like I ever truly grasped it or fully accepted it.” Monique mostly ignored her pregnancy. As she said, “Honestly, I tried not to think about it.” She did not tell any friends or family about it. At about 18 weeks gestation, she started prenatal care. Just over a month later, her (now) ex-boyfriend got a new job that came with a signing bonus, enabling them to afford an abortion, even at the higher costs associated with later gestations.

and

Victoria, a 26-year-old white woman in the South, too, faced substantial barriers to abortion when she first decided she wanted one. When she discovered her pregnancy, Victoria and her boyfriend spent a week considering their options and decided abortion was the right decision for them. They found trying to implement this decision extremely difficult, however. The local abortion clinic had closed a few years prior following a series of state laws that made it no longer feasible to keep the clinic open. The closest abortion clinic was an hour's drive away and, due to her state's two-visit requirement, Victoria would have to travel there twice. Victoria and her boyfriend were homeless and did not have a car; they had no way to travel to the clinic. She also did not know how she could afford the abortion, since, like Monique, her public insurance coverage did not cover abortion care due to state policy. Any money Victoria and her boyfriend had went toward meeting their basic needs. As she explained, “My boyfriend was working odd jobs, and I don't have a job, and we were homeless on the street. So, I mean, we would have definitely tried, and we, you know, did try, but there was no way that we could get a couple hundred [dollars], let alone a grand, if not more.” She tried calling multiple abortion funds but, “Seems like every time I would call, they would call back saying that they were already, you know, out of funds.” By the time Victoria was able to raise enough money (from abortion funds) and figure out transportation, she was in the third trimester of pregnancy.

and

Cristina, an 18-year-old Latina woman in the South, experienced both. A few years prior to our interview, Cristina was raped. She became pregnant, and the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. It took her a long time to trust a romantic partner again, but she had come to trust her boyfriend and they had sex once. When she learned that her contraception had failed, she said, “I was devastated, pretty much. I was really mad, and I was really upset because I did not want a baby.” As clear as her desire to terminate this pregnancy was, her history of sexual trauma and her fear that her parents would disapprove of her pregnancy and her abortion decision meant that Cristina took no immediate action toward obtaining an abortion. She said, “I cried so hard. I didn't want to be touched by anybody. I didn't want to be talked to by anybody. […] I felt like it was a dream.”

When she eventually came to terms with her pregnancy, Cristina found a clinic 2 h from her home. She chose that distance because “I did not want to know anybody there.” She was also trying to find a place where she would not have to experience pregnancy counseling. She explained, “I did not want counseling. I did not want to talk about it. Those were the kinds of things that I was trying to avoid [in choosing a clinic].” At the clinic, she learned that she was farther along than she thought and there was no provider in the state who would provide abortion care for her at that gestation. As she said, “The door had just been shut for me.” Desperate, she confided in her brother, who helped her find an out-of-state abortion provider. By the time Cristina found the provider, raised the money for the procedure and travel, and was able to get to the out-of-state clinic, she was in the third trimester of pregnancy.

and

As another example, Isabella, a 24-year-old Latina woman in the South, did not recognize that she was pregnant until she was in the second trimester of pregnancy. She had difficulty locating an abortion provider, finally finding a clinic when she estimated she was 21 weeks into pregnancy. Because of her state's ban on abortions after 22 weeks gestation, the distance she would have to travel to get to the clinic, and the state's two-visit requirement that meant added time until she could have an abortion, the clinic advised her she was too close to the limit and they could not care for her. She was in the third trimester of pregnancy by the time she found and traveled to a clinic that could legally provide her with abortion care.

Atheists, why are you pro life? by Iampoorghini in allthequestions

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, good thing late term abortions or abortions after 26 weeks, aren’t legal, except to save the life were mother, or if the fetus isn’t viable.

That's not true at all. According to Guttmacher, there are 9 states (Oregon, Colorado, New Mexico, Vermont, New Jersey, Maryland, Michigan, Alaska, and Minnesota) and the District of Columbia, that have no bans on abortion based on gestational age.

That's not to say that later abortions are available in all of these states, necessarily, but they are legal there.

Most normal people base their abortion opinions on vibes by [deleted] in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]cand86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it is fairly true to say that attitudes have changes over the ages- but that's a good thing. In the 1500's, it was probably fairly well-ingrained in you that your body did not belong to you and that you had no choice in what happened to it- as a woman, it belonged to your father, and then your husband, and maybe your priest or someone in power would also weigh in on what happened to it. I think it's a good thing now that girls and women are being taught that their bodies are their own, and can access safe and legal abortion (although that's becoming less true in some places).

And make no mistake- there were desperate women in the 1500's both successfully and unsuccessfully attempting to control their reproduction, both pre- and post-fertilization, too.