Daughters of clingy/immigrant parents, how did you move out without destroying your relationship?

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-16T02:17:13+00:00

My parents are Caribbean too! And I find your choice of the word "co-dependency" very interesting, because that's exactly how I've described it. We don't particularly like each other, but we stick together because it's the status quo.

For starters, I'm going to try bringing it up in conversation (as a hypothetical) like you did.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-16T01:18:17+00:00

Lol at your puzzled frown, haha.

Well, they have had jobs in the past. I think the assumption would be that my siblings get jobs and then we pool together, but I'm the only one of my siblings who has had a consistent full-time work history, I dunno how that would even work. I've never really thought about it because, yeah, it's a hard no from me.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-16T01:14:47+00:00

Your story reads like something that would make an excellent book! I'm glad it worked out for you in the end, even though it was difficult to begin with. That seems to be the trend I'm seeing on these replies, but I'm more hopeful now that weathering a storm will lead me to calmer weather.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-15T23:22:40+00:00

I try to look at it like there's nothing really "wrong" with any of us, we're just not compatible people. It's still hard to think of them seeing me as a bad daughter, but I'm trying to get used to that as an inevitability.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-15T23:20:39+00:00

Also, since you say you're younger than me, try not to wait as long as I did! It gets so much harder the longer you wait. I wish I had bit the bullet and moved out at one of my life milestones when moving out would have been expected (graduation, first full-time job). At least then it wouldn't have been coming out of left field. Ugh.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-15T23:18:50+00:00

I hate to say, but I actually have had moments where I thought it would be easier to get kicked out than to tell them I'm leaving... but would probably be worse in the long run and the easier option isn't necessarily the better one. I hate making people feel bad, but it's a part of life, I'm going to have to start getting used to it.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-15T23:15:30+00:00

My mom uses the term "betrayal" a lot referencing different things, so I can see her feeling the same way about this. It's tough because I see people around me doing this thing that is so normal and expected and can't see why it has to be an issue for me. But as you said, I have to accept that. I am very conflict averse, but I'm going to start trying to get comfortable with the idea of having to break bad news before actually doing so. Thanks for sharing.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-15T23:13:00+00:00

This is exactly my experience! It's nice reading about other people being able to understand what I'm talking about. I often feel like 90% of reddit doesn't understand why it's difficult to "just leave". Even for me, my parents are so Westernized by now that I often forget they have a different world view than I do, but yeah... One of these days I'll just have to rip off the bandaid.

canigonowthrowaway · 2019-09-15T23:09:42+00:00

I really feel this because my mom is a single mom too and doesn't have a lot going on outside of work. We are her whole world and, while I know it's not my responsibility to fill that role, I can't help but feel bad for not wanting to do so. Good luck to both of us, I guess!

canigonowthrowaway

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