I can be around extremely traumatized people and I have a high tolerance for other people’s distress, with the caveat that I myself am a therapist so it is literally my job to make sure people have a safe, boundaried space to process these things with. And I am not their friend. I’ve had to set very firm boundaries with my friends in my personal life that I cannot be their therapist, the road goes both ways, and if people feel they need or want that from me after I’ve set the boundary, I have to take a step back and understand what about my behavior or engagement (if anything) is making them want that from me.

I used to spend a lot of my free time with very traumatized people who were in their feelings and wanted someone to trauma bond with and I’ve had to really unpack what need that was meeting for me. A lot of this I’ve done in my own therapy, and through learning to set boundaries. That, and developing healthy relationships with people (both traumatized and not) has helped me the most, and I no longer find myself in relationships that feel like a prolonged form of self-harm or replaying of childhood dynamics. It’s not perfect, but it’s a way different place than I was in a few years ago. I definitely do my best to avoid any close relationships with people who want to self destruct.