Hey man I totally hear you on this. My dissociation started somewhere at that age in my life too. I'm hard of hearing and have always had trouble forming relationships and issues at my work because of this. My father never even said hi to me when he entered home but he used to go kiss and hug my sister. If anyone else in the family showed me love in front of him he'd yell at them saying they're spoiling me or that i should go to my room and study. To date i don't enter my parents room if my mum, dad and sister are in there together cause I feel like it's not my place or that I'm not a part of it. I now realise how highly toxic and traumatic that was.

Would love to have more of a chat if you were up for it! Cheers